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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Mission

Howdy.

I'm leaving on a Mission for the LDS church tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. So I won't be posting anything clever or complainy for about two years. but letters will still be posted to the blog.

If any of you wish to contact me, please look at my facebook account, the address is right underneath my picture. OR contact my family, by way of phone, e-mail, facebook, or BLOG (that is a link to my dads blog. ask him for my info.) Thank you for reading, my devout (and under-appreciated) readership.

See you guys later

Ethan Williams


3 Ne. 18: 30-32

" 30 Nevertheless, ye shall not acast him out from among you, but ye shall bminister unto him and shall pray for him unto the Father, in my name; and if it so be that he repenteth and is baptized in my name, then shall ye receive him, and shall minister unto him of my flesh and blood.

31 But if he repent not he shall not be numbered among my people, that he may not destroy my people, for behold I aknow bmy sheep, and they are numbered.
32 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your asynagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall bheal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them."


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Friday, July 17, 2009

I Took Two Pictures. Then I Messed Around With Them. Here They Are.

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Thursday, July 16, 2009

Señor Snail

Señor Snail : an ode.

Señor snail, I never knew you
I never saw you.
But if I did,
I wouldn't have stopped.
I feel bad saying that,

but I know it's true.
You weren't a pest,
just in the wrong place.
I was mowing my lawn.
The only way I knew

you were around
was when I heard your shell

crunch into the ground.
I'm sorry I killed you,
but it had to be done.
but lets be honest,
we've had some fun.

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Sunday, July 12, 2009

A 7-lb Denver Burrito

Two months ago, I visited Denver, CO. ( see THIS POST for what I didn't write about it) to go to a Decemberists concert. It was by far the best night of my life. I would gladly get poked in the face by ten thousand flaming needles if i could see ten minutes of that concert again. I took some pictures and some videos, and I'll post them here probably at the end of the blog.

It was on May 24 and we had just visited the Denver Zoo. It was bigger and better than Utah's Hogle Zoo. I knew about Jack-n-Grill, a place that had a seven pound breakfast burrito eating challenge. I wanted to take it, but I knew I wouldn't be able to best the beast by myself. I hoped to enlist Tucker's help. He agreed. My dad had been texting me the whole vacation, asking me for burrito updates and about whether or not I had eaten it yet. When he finally found out I was going up against it, he said to me "be strong be brave, make us proud" yes, my family likes food.



So we went to Jack-n-grill


As I said, Tucker agreed to brave the beast with me. Although, he seemed to be doing it more out of obligation and loyalty than excitement. It was more a favor to me. I had gone the day without eating. he tried, but broke down forty five minutes before we got to the burrito and bought two hot-dogs at the zoo. That, coupled with Tucker's already girlishly small appetite made him of little use. Also, another, bigger problem is that cup in his left hand. It was full of Mt. Dew. he filled it three times before our burrito came. He was very full already. But he was excited and optimistic nonetheless.


There is me, with the burrito. It came. It weighed 6.89 lbs. She weighed it for me cause she said it felt a little light. Well...



There we are, tucker and myself, reaching after the massive burrito-ey monstrosity. It is made eight eggs, 1 pound of cheese, 1 pound of green chili and 1 1/2 pounds of potatoes. I was on a diet before this. I lost thirty pounds. I felt justified in sealing it with this.




This is a good picture of how the first five of six minutes were. Us both, hapily eating. (although tucker only took about five bites in said five minutes)


And this is how it was the rest of the half hour. Tucker, feeling sick and not eating at all, and me, Happily consuming at breakneck speed... until i couldn't anymore.




At the end of the day, I ate about 4 1/2 pounds. Tucker, about 4 1/2 bites. and notice that in his portion, the food isn't actually eaten, just moved around a bit.




Needless to say, tucker was pooped.



And also, Hannah looked like a Vimax commercial.



NOW: we went to a Decemberists concert. Here are some pictures from it.


Colin Meloy! i want him to have my babies. we were standing so close i could smell his sweat. it was awesome.




Shara Worden (of My Brightest Diamond) was insane! she was jumoing around and just exuded this insane crazy energy that made everyone scream and jump and probably J*** in their pants.



Becky Stark (of Lavender Diamond) was amazing. She sang Margaret. and she looked the aprt perfectly. she was so so so good. but i think people were overpowered by Shara Worden so they didn't appreciate her as much as they should have.




Chris Funke... he was so real, I cried. I really did.



!!!!!!!!!!!










Efff!!!! I'd give up all of my hair to see five minutes of this show again.


Annan Water. He raised his hands, as you can tell. in the car on the way back home we listened tot he C.D. alot. and whenever it got toi this part, we'd all raise our hands like he did. except the car roof was so small it looked like we were just Heil-ing Hitler...

There are AMAZING videos, but they haven't been able to be successfully uploaded yet. pee! so someone else took videos of the same concert and put them on YouTube. So i'll post that link here. you can see tuckers head in the videos. he's the tall one in the middle-right ish.

The Drowned
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHVeLBcWcWQ

And

Annan Water
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfDVBC2Bbyc

And

Sons and Daughters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfJCudq1SU0

And finally, a freaking AMAZING cover of
Crazy on You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCRloetIZ08


Many many thanks to PIEHOLE2000 for being able to upload the videos I wasn't able to.

Anyway, all in all, that was the happiest, fullest day of my life.

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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Never going to fake another day.

I need to learn to let go of things. Maybe I am just too slow emotionally. I have had a good many blogs on this topic, so I won't delve into that stuff here. I just feel like I am the slowest person in the world to be able to move on. and it hurts. I feel like I am running in one direction (be it the right or wrong, i don't think it matters, or if there even is a right or wrong direction in life) but i feel like i am running, but my heart is stuck in one place. And as it is stuck, it is slowing the rest of me down. Sometimes even pulling me back. I can't wait to go on a mission because I get to completely forget about EVERYTHING outside of the Fresno area and just focus on the Lord, who is far better to focus on than anyone or anything else. Sometimes, I really get turned on by that idea, but others, like now, for instance, I find myself not wanting to let go, not wanting to forget. I suppose that is why I keep so many things from my past, I bound up everything I have ever written (except essays and things) since I was in 5th grade. It fills 6 volumes. And I can't let go of it. I guess it's because I treasure the past, and those memories are my only way to travel back to re-visit them. I try to re-visit them all again, but it never does justice. I feel heart-sick. I have never used that word before, but it was the one that came to my mind. I am heartsick and immature. I mean, intellectually, I'd say I'm rather mature, definitely. But emotionally, I think I have a huge way to go. I mean, I understand my emotions, but I am not mature enough to let go of them. I know I can, it's not that I don't have the ability to let go, it's just that I choose not to. I feel safer with those memories, regardless of how painful they may be to remember.

I always feel like I am heading in the wrong direction, no matter which way I am going. So I change direction in my life, and I feel like I am heading the wrong direction again, and want to go back to how I was before. But of course I never can. And really, I shouldn't want to. People who can talk about how openly they love and mean it. people who can speak about it with the highest amount of truth and happiness, completely blow my mind. I respect them so much. I have only know a few in my life, but I have learned so much from them. They are not afraid to love. They are not afraid to open the deepest parts of themselves up to anyone and everyone, despite the heartache and immense pain it may perhaps momentarily bring. They live life with so much enthusiasm. I want to be like that some day. I don't want to be a curmudgeon. I don't want to be an overly sarcastic person who hides their feelings away from everyone except those who they really trust. I mean, I will always be sarcastic, and I will always be more open with those I know. But I don't want to take it to an extreme. I want people to see how happy I am about life. I want people to be able to see a picture of me smiling and then smile themselves because they can see how true that smile actually is. I never want to emotionally fake my way through another day of my life. Ever. I want to be honest and happy. I want to let go and not be afraid to tell people what I feel. Tell people how much they have impacted me. Not be afraid to sound silly for saying things. Not let rejection of my open-ness close me off to the world again. I don't want to live inside my head. I want to live inside the world. I want to live with the world. I want to LOVE. I want to be truly happy. I want to feel complete happiness at least once a day. I am tired of living afraid, you know? I'm sick of it. I am tired of staying up all night, literally, thinking about past decisions, whether they were right or not, or how they affected people, or how they could have gone differently, or how I can re-live them, or how to feel what I felt again. I have felt what I felt, And i will feel it all again. But only if I live in the now. Only if i stop living through my past. I can never feel anything new if my heart is stuck in one place, because then, when it finally springs back to me, it will speed past all the emotions I could have had between where it was stuck and where I am now.

No decision in life is a bad decision. I don't mean that in a religious sense, or in a legal sense, because obviously... but I mean that in the sense that every decision I have made has been right. And if I hadn't made that specific decision, but had in fact gone a different way, that also would have been right. I learn from people I interact with. I will always be me. No-one can ever ever change that. And I will learn what I need to learn no matter what I do or where I go. If I am supposed to learn a lesson, I will learn it through someone, wherever I am in my life. And I need to realize that there are lots more people in my life I need to learn from. Lots more people that need to learn from me, and there is lots more world to love and to open up to.

It's an easy thing to say, though, or to write, rather. Writing has always been my main way of communicating my emotions. It's when I'm actually in real life that this philosophy actually comes into practice. I cannot just let myself get on a momentary emotional high, and then go to sleep and forget about it when I wake up.

I miss people., I really really do. And that isn't a bad thing. I loved those people. but I also love people now, and I cannot neglect those I love now for people who have, more-or-less left my life. I hate the term, even the idea or leaving someones life. It makes me heart-sick. The idea that someone I get to know so well can suddenly be gone, and I will never have anything to do with them again really hurts. And i think that will always hurt me because deep down I have always had a deep love for people, somewhere inside me it is there, strong. I just cannot express it in any way. Which is why I think it manifests itself so powerfully now, because I never gave myself a chance to show my love for those people I loved when they were in my life. So I have to lament their loss and remember all my love for them after they are gone, instead of showing it to them throughout my life. I don't regret having done anything I have done. I have grown from all of it. I do, however, regret how I have acted while doing those things. And that, along with showing my love openly, all the time, is what I plan to change.

I knew someone once. That's such a sad phrase, to say I knew someone once. They are now gone from my life I sadly admit. But I knew this person and when this person smiled, and actually meant it (which was 99% of the time) it just glowed. Their eyes were so pure and radiated such extreme happiness, love and Honesty. Most importantly and noticeably, honesty. Their smile just kept going and going. And I can't even think about it without smiling myself. I want to be like that person. I regret losing them from my life, but I have learned so much from them, and I knew them a relatively short amount of time. There have been a few people like this in my life, not many, but a few. And most of them I have gotten the privilege of getting to know very well. Which is why I know I want to be like them so much. It is because I have seen how happy they are and they have tried to help me be that way too. I never took the opportunity to do so when they were there helping me, but I know now that it is because I wasn't supposed to do it then. I know now that this is a lesson i needed to learn through personal pain and sorrow and by those others example, but not under their tutelage.

Like I said earlier, I just want to be that person whose smile and eyes emanate happiness, love and honesty, and who, when people think of me, they smile. So help me out. I love you.

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Monday, July 6, 2009

A Few

A few new things. Look over on the sidebar, -------> just over there. I added a bundle more pictures of things I like, so you can visualize them. I'm really tired. I was planning on posting something last night, but I can't remember what it was. So, to keep you all occupied until tomorrow when I will post next, umm... I was gonna post a video to Mad World, by Alex Parks, who is Incredibly Amazing, but I can't find one without fan videos set to music, so i suppose I'll get an audio file uploaded tomorrow. See you all.

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Monday, June 29, 2009

In(som)nia

So:

I have had insomnia. I haven't been able to sleep. I've been writing like a mad man but I can't prove it to you. I've been watching and reading, learning and growing. Although, I hear one does most of ones growing while asleep.

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Friday, June 26, 2009

Pre-Raphaelite


This was going to be my new blog title banner, but then I realized I have absolutely NO idea how to code... If anyone does, and could show me how to make it my new banner, I'd greatly appreciate it.


I re-realized how much I love Pre-Raphaelite paintings. a brief overview: It was an artistic movement started in the late 1840's by a group of English painters and poets initially known as the pre-raphaelite brotherhood. this initial brotherhood consisted of William Holman Hunt, John Everett-Millais and Dante Gabriel Rosetti. Four more members quickly joined, making a seven member 'brotherhood' or club i guess. Their initial intention was to re-form art by rejecting the techniques they considered machinistic and "cliche" and bad art. They blamed in particular Raphael for they believed that " classical poses and elegant compositions of Raphael in particular had been a corrupting influence on the academic teaching of art." (whatever exactly that means) SO: they started painting using 'abundant' detail bold colours and complex compsition.

They are believed by some to be the first real avant-garde movement in art, although that title is dispute by many, "because they continued to accept both the concepts of history painting and of mimesis, or imitation of nature, as central to the purpose of art"

Anyway, here are some of my favorite paintings of theirs. I know many true art scholars will say that their art is frou-frou, soul-less and lacks a depth, but i really like it. Many of their subjects are taken from stories faerie tales and myths, as well as Shakespeare plays. (and by the way, you can click on the pictures to enlarge them. Also, the titles are below each picture, not above))


Windflowers - Waterhouse



The Shrine - Waterhouse



Princess tied to a tree - Edward Burne-Jones

The Lady Of Shallot - Waterhouse
Probably the most well-known painting by a pre-raphaelite. although, Waterhouse began painting after several of the founding members had already died. he was one of the last, if not the last painters of this era. some don't even consider him strictly classified as such. Ive noticed that the earlier his paintings are, the more detail they have. And as they get older chronologically, they become less detailed. this one was done very early, 1888, compared with others from 1910.



Juliet - John William Waterhouse


John Everett Millais: The Black Brunswicker. (ENLARGE this one by clicking on it. it looks stunning)

Gathering Flowers in a Devonshire Garden - John William Waterhouse



The Enchanted Garden - Waterhouse
ENLARGE this one too


The Lady of Clare



Mariana 1850 - John Everett Milais
Also ENLARGE this one



Spring - Waterhouse


Ophelia - Milias



Ophelia 02 - Waterhouse


Cinderella - John Everett Milais

Mariana in the South - Watherhouse



Beguiling of Merlin - Edward Burne-Jones
ENLARGE this one


ENLARGE this one, please. It's gorgeous
Head of a Young Girl - William Adolphe-Bouguereau

Now, William Adolphe-Bouguereau wasn't a pre-raphaelite. In fact, he was opposed to the pre-raphaelites. But this painting is still gorgeous. It is probably my favorite one...


Thank you for reading, and comment if you please.

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

From an interview on NPR

“...My grandmother is ninety four years old is having a gallbladder operation in Chicago. I talked to her last night and I asked her how she was doing, which is not what you should do to a ninety four year old woman going in for an operation. ‘I’m not doing very well Brian... is this Brian? Mike? Is this Mike?’ ‘No grandma, this is Brian’ ‘I love you Brian’ she said to me ‘How’s your girlfriend doing?’ Well, I didn’t really want to tell her that I hadn’t seen her in a while and that she was living with a twenty five year old blonde surfer auto mechanic graffiti artist in downtown L.A. Having her bottom tattooed with three black cats knocking over a bottle of milk. So I said ‘Fine Grandma, she’s, she's doing fine. And she asks about you and hopes that you’re alright.’ I told her I loved her and she said ‘I love you Michael... Brian.’”

-Brian Brophy, from an interview on NPR’s Hearing Voices June 21 2009.

the URL for the interview is HERE, you can also access it by clicking on the title of this blogpost.

I just found this particular part of the interview incredible. I don't know why. The whole thing was great, but this particular part was particularly notable to me. Read it Over

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

Rice Crackers


The thing is, with rice crackers: They are really really tasty when they first go into your mouth, but then after you bite, they start to progressively suck more. They are all dry and they taste like rice. But the first part is really good, So I eat more, but it is never quite as good as the first time.

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Monday, June 15, 2009

The Compilation

So it hit me today, about an hour ago, as I was reading in Mormon, the first couple of chapters, that it is so frustrating how little of all that is out there that we actually have. I was confused by it as well, and luckily for me, my dad, who is really smart about this kind of stuff, was in his chair right by me (I was laying on the couch) and so I asked him and we talked about it, and it took us quite a while to find even a partial answer. Why do we have so little of the records that were made? I mean, there are the large plates of Nephi, which contain all the records of wars and kings and things of that nature, and then the small plates of Nephi, which contain the spiritual things. But there are still the brass plates, which were records made long before Nephi was around. And then the book of Lehi. But also all the records of the lost tribes of Israel, which Jesus said he also visited. And there are records of the Jaredites. And we have so, SO little of it.

I was trying to figure out what was contained in the Gold Plates. I explained it to my dad this way: So Nephi wrote two records, the Large and the Small Plates of Nephi. The small plates containing a spiritual record of the people, and the Large plates containing a physical record of the people. Thier kings and wars and stuff. Do the Gold Plates contain both records, and the large plates, which aren't included in the Book of Mormon, were they just the sealed part that Joseph Smith couldn't access? or was the sealed part of the Gold Plates simply more of the small plates we aren't allowed to see. My dad thought maybe some of the sealed portions contained Nephi's visions that he had, but wasn't allowed to write. But we were not sure. I had no idea what was going on. There was also the book of Lehi. Was that contained in the Gold Plates as well, or was the only part of the book of Lehi that was in the Gold Plates the Mormon's abridgemt of the book of Lehi. (The abridgement of the Book of Lehi that Mormon made was the manuscript that was lost.) Did the sealed portion of the Gold Plates contain the original book of Lehi as well, or does that only exsist seperatley somewhere? The more we thought about it, the more it stood to reason that the Large plates of Nephi were a seperate record, and the only part of them that existed in the Gold Plates was the abridgement of the Large Plates that Mormon did (Mosiah - 4 Nephi)... I was lost. And frankly, a little frustrated at how little information we have. not about the compilation of the plates, but because out of all the vast ammounts of information there is out there, we have such a tiny, tiny fraction of it.

My Dad and I did some sleuthing on the internet and found out from the Lightplanet.com/somestuff that "Joseph Smith was commanded not to translate the sealed vision of the Brother of Jared, which apparently made up a substantial portion of the gold plates (Ludlow, p. 320). Although Joseph Smith translated only from the gold plates, he and his associates saw many other records (JD 19:38; Millennial Star 40 [1878]:771-72)." So!!! i found out that there were lots more plates Jooseph Smith saw, that he Couldn't Translate! It frustrated me so SO much.

My dad and I also talked about what was in the hill along with the gold plates. if the brass plates were there, which I believe i heard they were, along with the sword of Laban. and I guess now we know there were lots of plates there.

This is so frustrating because we have so little of what is out there. Although, I know it is the right thing to have happen because what we have is the most important to us, right now. And all the prophets have seen that, and I trust them. It's just... when will the new records come forth? during the Millenium? when Christ is ruling? If that's the case, why? we will be completely happy and righteous and so what will we have to learn from the new records? we could just ask Jesus, he'll be right there. I dunno. I know I need to focus less on this and more on what is actually in what we have. It was just such a strong urge i felt to recieve that extra revelation.

there are, in existence:
-Small plates of Nephi -- recieved
-Large plates of Nephi -- abridged
-Book of Lehi --abridged and lost
-Brass plates --abridged
-visions of the Brother of Jared -- sealed in Gold plates
-Records of the Jaredites (Plates of Ether) -- not recieved
-Records of other Lost Tribes -- Not Recieved
-visions of Nephi --not recieved / sealed
-other, un-known records --not recieved
-records of Zenos and Zenock --abridged

So really, we have so very, very little. I just want to read it all, but i really should just focus on what we have. In case anyone is interested, there is a link to a very good article about the contents of the Book of Mormon and the plates here: http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/book_of_mormon/plates.html

and here is an image from the aforlinked site.



Anyway, thank you for reading. please comment. Discussion is welcomed.

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Thursday, June 11, 2009

...a life I never really lived.

Today I had another one of those horrendously awful / surreally wonderful days which was full of melancholy and remorse, brought about by a sudden bout of nostalgia and reminiscence. I hate it when that happens because I cannot focus on anything else. The whole day I am eternally stuck in the past, reliving moments, and wishing things had gone differently. Or foolishly hoping there is something I can do to fix whatever I may have done, or get back the emotions I had at whatever time, or struggling to find some way to re-live these certain events or periods in my life. But it is also a beautiful time because I get to truly peer at myself in the past and deeply analyze why I did things, and what has come from those decisions. Be it good or bad, or whatever I may term "good" or "bad" at this point. I get to see that I am stuck with the decisions I made, no matter how much they may hurt me, no matter how much I may regret some, or wish some had never happened. Or despite how much I may have hurt other people, I am stuck living with what I made.

It is at this point when I try to think of things I can do to re-connect myself with my past and get the emotions I had been remembering back at their full. It's like Heroine, I guess. People say that it is never as strong as the first time you take it, but people are so addicted to it anyway that they keep trying, knowing, somewhere inside of them, that it won't be as good. But they try anyway. I'm like that with emotions. I'm addicted to emotions, I'm an emotion junkie (if not emotional massochist) and I do whatever I can to feel strong emotions. And when I do, I remember them. And then, on days like today, I go back to them I try to get as high by remembering them as I did the first time when I actually lived them. The weird thing is though, for me, the times I get the highest are when I do remember them. The remembering is always the highest. I never feel very strongly about emotions until they are already in the past. I live emotionally in the past, no matter how hard I try. So day-to-day, I live almost numb, I mean, I feel things, it's just... you know. And then, when an important or emotionally strong event happens, I live through it, and feel the emotion very muted at the time. Like i'm living everything through seven layers of Kleenex. Then months, even years later the emotions reverberate and I feel them at their fullest. At which point I go on and dwell with them all day, living with them, loving them, embracing them, because the old emotions are all I have of a life I never really lived.

Also, Mission Update, for anyone who was keeping track (which is, I think, four people, all of which already know...) I was supposed to leave last Wednesday, the tenth of June, but my surgery happened the day before that, Tuesday the ninth. And then my throat-tube surgery is the nineteenth, so I couldn't go in until both of those were over. And it turns out that the missionaries go into Fresno in 6 week increments, so I have to wait until July twenty second to go in... poo. It's harder now to get as excited about it. I was all pumped up and ready to go, but now my excitement has deflated and my energy has dropped. I need to find things to occupy my time. Luckily, I have had no desire to go back to school or do any theatre productions at all these past couple of weeks... which is very odd for me, seeing as those are the two things I really need to do to feel fulfilled. The two things that i can actually feel at a full emotional level. Theatre sends me emotion through an amp set to 11. So it's very strange i have no desire to do it... but it's a blessing. Now it won't be a problem, getting caught up in school, or some productions or something and then not go, or have it be harder for me to go. Anyways, thanks, you guys, for reading.

And also, please comment on the post below. I know people read it, but no-one said anything... why?

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Happening:

Hiya all. Over the past couple of weeks I have started two blog posts, neither of which came to fruition. The first was gonna be a couple of short plays parodying famous plays, namely Waiting for Godot, Whos Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Rhinoceros. But then I dind't bother. The next was gonna be a post while I was on Lortab cause the doctor cut half my toenail off, but that wasn't interesting or funny or clever, plus my attention span wasn't that great, so I didn't bother. And now I was gonna post a four hour long blog about my four day trip to Denver, but no one likes to read detailed accounts of exactly what I did, every hour, for four days, So i'm not going to.

I'm gonna talk a bit about Denver, probaly, I'm also gonna talk about other stuff, I'm not sure what yet though. We call all find out together! Come along with me, and lets go on a journey. We'll discover things about orselves that we didn't know before, and we figure out where Ethan is going wth this post. Come! I'll lead you through the wild, woody wood that is the polluted, congested confused mind of his, giving helpful and humourous narration along the way. Lets all join hands and walk single file, the sun will be fast setting an we wouldn't want things to get weird. Open your eyes, smile, say hello to the person next to you, shake hands, high five, twirl around if you please, and we will depart. Step into the cars provided for you and shut the doors, wear your seatbelts if you wish, and put on the special glasses when instructed. Don't be afraid, feeling queasy is normal, we will soon be departing! But before we do, I must tell you, please don't pick anything up on the way. Also, in regard to the shining happy people you may see, floating about the trees, please don't grab at them, grope at them, or anything of the sort. Now, we will be leaving soon, so please touch yourself somewhere safe and make sure you're all still around. Touch the person next to you somewhere safe and make sure they too are still around, where they are supposed to be, make sure they haven't drifted off into some other stream of conciousness or into someone elses Guided Mind tour, for this is one adventure you all would want to be a part of. Now please, put on the special glasses provided you and we will get on our way. We will go on this adventure together, holding hands, walking single file, in the cars provided us, holding hands and twirling if we please, wearing seatbelts if we wish and not groping the shining happy people. Now, if we are all ready, let us depart. Depart from this place we all seem to be stuck in, and lets move. move on to bigger, things, better things, happier things, to more exciting things, more elaborate things, less congested things, less confusing things, more sedated things, less elated things. Lets all close our minds to the far away fires and focus solely on how the ripped plastic seat feels on our thighs. do you smell the aroma of Neo-daoism? if not, please try harder. rub your feet sideways across the ribbed rubber floormat and feel the vibrations through your body. Feel them entering your bloodlines, feel the powerlines. Now take the complimentary scissors provided you and snip a sensible sized piece of hair from the head or body of the person next to you. Let their essence dissolve into you. Absorb them. Become them. wear their clothes. Date their girlfirends, kiss thier kids and feel them. Above each of you hangs a small glowing orb, do not touch it. Smile and wave, try to behave. Lets all now remove our glasses and step out of the cars, please put your pants back on, and don't look at your neighbor. Hold the velvet rope ahead of you and follow the line to the twinkling stars. Please don't spin, don't twirl, don't shake, don't hold. If you will, just walk silently, in a disjointed line, back to civilization. Beware of low-hanging branches. And I appreciate your time accompanying me on this discovery. I hope you all have enjoyed the trip and please don't forget to sign the gestbook thats sitting in the tin box at the end of the trail.

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Emperor Sweet-n-sour

Hi friends! I was looking through a notebook of mine recently. It is made out of a Rex Stout novel, a Nero Wolf mystery called Too Many Clients (SEE IMAGE HERE) That Hannah's parents made, and I found something I wrote a few months ago.
My family was driving somewhere together and my dad saw a new Chinese restaurant called China Lily. Right down the street was another Chinese place called Rice Garden. We all saw these. Just a moment later my dad turned around and said to us:

" I think, if you want to open a Chinese restaurant, especially a quick, fast food type one, all you have to do is take two words that are loosely related to China and put them together. Like Rice Wok or Panda Chopstick."

And I thought How true that is. Here are the names of a few local valley-area Chinese restaurants, mixed with some that I made up. I'll bet you can't tell which ones I made up and which ones are real:

-Golden Tree Gourmet
-Dragon Star
-China Wah
-Ho Ho Gourmet
-China Wok
- Dragon Isle
- Rice King
- Ocean City
- Golden China
-Chin-wah cafe
- China Panda
- Spring Garden
- Chand's Dynasty Express
- Magic Wok


Now, I'm sorry, I was being tricky. Those are ALL real restaurant in the Valley area. Yes, Even China Panda, Chand's Dynasty Express, China-Wah and Magic Wok.

It's really a good point he made. Really. Now, it's your turn. comment on here and tell me your ideas for names of new Chinese restaurants. if it's helpful, I made a MadLib to assist you:

The Name Of My New
__(name of Oriental country, preferably bordering Mongolia)__
Restaurant Is
__(Name of Oriental Object or mythical creature)__
___(name of Oriental tool or cooking utensil)__!


And there you have it. Simple! An example of a completed MadLib would be something like this:
"The Name Of My New __Chinese__ Restaurant Is __Chairman Mao__ __Chopsticks__!

see! Thanks, and please comment.

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Sunday, April 5, 2009

Bar-None

I just remembered something I loathe more than anything else on the planet. It is called:

Pity Laughter

I hate everything about it. What it stands for: encouraging the un-funny. What it does to those un-funny people: makes them do it more. And I hate what it sounds like: that less-than-halfhearted short, quiet chuckle in hopes of shutting someone up.

But what people don't understand is that it doesn't shut these people up, It makes them do it more, because people laugh at them. Now, I understand why people do this. People Pity laugh to spare others feelings, but one doesn't have to openly say "that was not funny" in order to not pity laugh, they merely need to not laugh. and usually, the people who have the self esteem to make obviously un-funny jokes can handle people not laughing. I know i've had more than my fair share of pity laughs in my time, and frankly, I find them un-necessary. That is all. Thank you. (Man, I complain alot on here. I should post more up-lifting things... sorry. I did just post a good one right before this though, you can read that too.)

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Friday, April 3, 2009

I Heart:


Please Watch This Video, or listen to the video, as you read this. It's a beautiful video, taken from Heima: a film by Sigur Ros. It's a song called Vaka, and they are playing it acoustically, in the middle of a plain in Iceland.

I HEART:

Aesthetics

Music

Love

The Rain

Late Night Drives by Myself to Nowhere

Frost on the Ground

Sigur Ros

Old, Rusty Farm Equipment

Black and White Pictures

Intellectual Discussions

Summer Nights with the Windows Open

The Mountains

High-Contrast Pictures

The Smell of Rain

Soft Music

Being Lonely

Being Together

Running Through Fields in the Rain

The Smell Of Laundry Detergent

Memories

Laying in the Grass at Night

Saying My Mind

Learning About People

Discovering What I Love

Seeing My Breath

Naked Trees

Old, Grainy Photographs

Silence in the Morning Outside

Cherry Blossoms

Closing My Eyes

Wanting Something So Much I Can Actually Feel It

Melancholy

Moss Growing On Trees

Cracked Statuettes

Longing

The Idea of Watching Childrens Movies as Adults

Bicycling in the Rain

Holding Hands

Honesty

Beauty

Remembering

The Video Heima

Making Others Feel

Rusty Metal

The Idea of Romantic Poetry

Old, Broken Houses

Abandoned Places

Thinking

The Water

Growth

The Smell Of Asphalt Right After Rain

State Street in Madison

Candles

The Ocean

White

Old Trains

Train Tracks

Creating

Feeling

Being Sad

Cloudy Skies

Looking at the Fallen Leaves as They Rest in a Puddle on the Ground

Wood

The Silhouettes of Trees Against The Sunset

Needing A Blanket

Missing Old Friends

Remembering Old Friends and Hurting

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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Homeless and the couches.

So My sister Emily has this friend called Tiauna. Tiauna baught this Ugly-A trenchcoat from Savers. Okay, it's not inherently ugly, but... you know.
Emily Borrowed said trenchcoat and wore it on a walk she took. Her hair was messy, as is the norm. see image.


So: she was wearing that trenchcoat there, and had her hair all crazy-go nuts (not un-like above image) and decided to take a walk. Good for her, you know, exercise and all that. So while she was on her walk, she saw a cute little dandelion. A big one, actually . And Emily, being the Nature-Enthusiast she is, she plucked this large sized dandelion and put it behind her ear then continued walking. When Emily was on her way back home, she found a couple of discarded plastic grocery bags. And Emily, being the Upright-Citizen she is, picked up the two bags and continued on her way. a few more steps led her to some discarded trash on the ground, and so Emily just bend over, picked it up and put it in her plastic bags. This led her to the decision that while she was walking home, she would collect trash along the way. isn't that good of her? By this point, that dandelion in her hair had gone all limp, and it was barely stating in her ear. it looked pathetic. So Emily, wearing an ugly orange trenchcoat, withe her hair all messy, with a limp dandelion in her hair, carrying trash bags and bending over to pick up anonymous trash, is walking home.
minutes later a bicyclist rose past her, slowed, turned around, and then stopped next to her. He said "Excuse me... do you need recycing?"

And Emily, being the honest-clueless person she is, thought the man was merely making conversation, albeit strange conversation, replied "No, I'm just picking up trash"

The man went on to say: " Oh... do you live very far from here?"

Emily, still not getting it replied: "oh, yeah, i just live up the road a little ways, you know..."

The man asked finally: "oh... um, do you need a Meal?"

And at this point, she finally got it: "OH! oh, no no no no no! I... No, I have a Home."

at which point the biker replied: "okay, well, you never can be sure these days" and rode off.

And this si the story of how someone thought my sister was Homeless.

THE NEXY PART:

The same day, some people from my neighborhood had some old couches to give away. And the woman was looking through her phone for people who might want these old couches. She said "I was looking through my phone wondering who on earth could take these things, and then I thought Betsy!" Betsy is my mom. Our wole family is known for taking everyone elses garbage, as long as it's free. And this isn't limited to merely people old and used couches, chairs, books, food-storage, office supplies, plastic shelves, old buckets, clothing, and things like that, but also peoples old rocks and peoples animals. So of course, we are the perfect choice to dunp these couches on. Now, I'll admit, I like the couches, and when they are in our house, they make our previous used love-seat and used arm-chair look pathetic. They also add a "space" to our living room that wasn't there before. So it actually was a very nice thing. These couches are also hide-a-beds. You know, those beds that fold into the couch. But our living room is too smal to open them in.
So, my mom and sisters were up in Salt Lake at the Young Womens General Broadcast, and left myself and my father to unload these couches into our house. It wasn't too big a deal, really. I mean, my dad does have a bad back, but he took it like a man. So, after a few half-hours, we had the couches un-loaded from the van and loaded into our house! like I said, they loked nice, and while we were loading them in, I kept thinking to myself "man, I can't wait to sleep on this!" yeah, I know. I have a bad... but it's downstairs and cold. whatever.
So a few hours later my family returns from Salt Lake. My two little sisters walk in and get excited about the couches, saying they looked great, and then immediately went into how they were so much bigger than the previous couch and how they would fit so much better on this couch when they were sleeping than they would on the previous couch. The girls had no idea these couches were also Hide-A-Beds. They merely thought they were normal couches. (Yeah, we sleep on our couches.) This got me worried because I wanted to sleep on the couches, not them. And I knew they were thinking the same thing. (Before these couches, we had to sleep on my dad's La-Z-boy that we bought NEW because his back hurts alot. don't ask me to explain that please. we just don't like beds, apparently.) it was a race to the couches. prime sleeping real estate. Ironic.
Now, Emily, the sister from the Aforementioned homeless experience has 3 beds currently, not including the 2 couches. One is in "her room" which is completely littered with trash, paper, fabric, plastic, miscelaneous toys, chocolate boxes, vaccuum cleaners, mirrors, lamps, and everyting else. The second bed she has is in "Elise's room" which is kind-of un usuable because the room has some walls knocked out, and smells of must. But it is infinitely cleaner than her current room. The third bed she has in in "Erynn's room"which Erynn also sleeps and lives in, and this room is littered with clothes and dolls. But they have been making due, because of the great desire Emily has not to clean either of her rooms for some reason. So at night they cuddle together in a single bed.
That night I went to Erika's house. I got back after night time and I assumed the girls would be asleep. I walked in, and Sure enough, there they were! Asleep on the couches! I have rarely had that much rage flow through my body. I wanted to sleep there! they each had at least one bed they could be sleeping in (of course, so do I...) but instead they chose the couches. So, to get back at them, i took all of the piles and piles of clothes off of the bed in "Erynn's room" where they usually sleep and decided to sleep there. I quickly realized there was no pillow there. I went on a hunt and discovered each of my sisters was using a pillow from that bed. I thought to my self "so they had to concsiouslty make a decision to sleep on the couch. they had to walk into their room, and take the pillow off of the BED that they should be sleeiping on, and take it to the couch" well, I took one of the pillows from underneath a sister and replaced it with a couch-cushion pillow and thought very distinctly "well, you sleep on the couch, you can use the couch's pillows too!" then I defiantly went and slept in their bed. And i woke up extremely comfortably. I'm sure their necks hurt from sleeping on that dumb old couch anyway.
This is the part where you don't bother to ask me why I didn't just sleep in my perfectly good bed downstairs, okay?

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Friday, March 27, 2009

Pepsi Knows Their Logos Look Like Fat People.

So I was STUMBLING UPON things the other day, and I stumbled upon this:

It says "this is what I think if whenever I see the new Pepsi ads. :)"

It's from a website called... well I don't know where it originated form. I'll say it's from a site called Google.com. and I laughed at it. There was a response to it in the form of this following image:


I don't like this second image nearly as much. I think it is silly and stupid and a bit more crass and un-intelligent than the first one, but it gets the message across. And the message is: "I think Pepsi knows that their logos look like fat people!"

Well Ethan, how on earth could you claim such an un-founded thing? The answer is that it is not unfounded. See:
Now, just ignore the Mountain Dew for now, okay, it' snot important for this discussion. But if you look, you see that the regular Pepsi logo looks like the aforepictured fat person. But the Diet Pepsi has a much smaller white area, or if we refer to the previous picture, a much smaller 'tummy.' If we made a picture of the Diet Pepsi logo, the person would not be as fat! Because it's DIET! now, on the same vein, the Pepsi Max Logo would be much much fatter than even the regular Pepsi would be. He would be the MAXimum amount of fat... he would also have black trousers.

See, and you guys wondered how I justified my claims... sheesh. Pepsi totally knew their logos looked like fat people.

Q.E.D
(quod erat demonstrandum)
(which was to be demonstrated)

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Sunday, March 22, 2009

The ZOO: In Pictures

Now, first off, I get a lot of guff for my irregular postings. I know that. Sometimes I post a lot in one week, other times I go a month with nothing. Recently, I've been in a writing mood, and since my notebook's blank page stares at me and embarrasses me, I choose the keyboard and internet as my medium. That being said:

The ZOO! On Saturday, Angie, Erika, Hannah and Myself went to the Hogle Zoo. (David, Angie's Husband is in San Fransisco for a few days, thats why he wasn't here. thats also why I'm Posting my pictures. 'Cause if he were there, I'd probably be put to shame. As it is...I'm posting mine.) And we had a good time. We packed a lunch of bagels and granola bars and oranges and grapes and... also... Capri-Sun's. We snuck them in... although we may have been allowed to take them in, I'm not sure. I like to think we snuck them. The Great Apes weren't out though... a shame. The female gorilla has cancer and the male won't leave her side, so when they took her out to do medicine on her, the male came too. So no gorillas, and only one Orangutan... sheesh.

Here are some pictures of the time we had at the Zoo:

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A Smattering. (or How Adam Richman Stole My Heart and Postmodernism will Never Die)

Initially, I was going to make my next post (this one) my months-in-the-making Look-Alike Post (I have 19 couples of people, most with 2 pictures each) But then I realized it was a lot of work and i also realized that the guy who won The Next Iron Chef America ( MICHAEL SYMON) and HOWIE MANDEL looked alike, so I needed to find pictures of them... (I posted links above...look at them yourself. I'll post them all later)

So, then, after I decided to put off the labor intensive Look Alike Blog, I decided I would write a blog about how Adam Richman (right) host of Man v. Food on the Travel Channel has the best job in the whole wide world and how I want to be him when I grow up.
Really. He has the best job in the world. Bar none. You know, alot of people say firemen have noble jobs, or policemen have noble jobs... No. Adam Richaman has the most noble job I know of. He eats huge foods on T.V. He will sacrifice his dignity and his comfort merely for his love of food. Some background on this noblest of men: He got a undergrad degree in International Studies, and during his travels, he kept a 'food-journal' and logged every time he ate anywhere. He still keeps it to this day. After a while, he decided he just wanted to get up and get a masters degree from the Yale School of Drama, one of the most highly acclaimed drama schools in the country. So, he did that. God bless him! He has a show called Man v. Food, as I said before, in which he travels around the country and eats stuff! Each place he goes to centers around an EATING CHALLENGE. but before the main challenge (which has ranges from a 7 1/2 lb. breakfast burrito to an enourmous slice of pizza to extremely hot wings to 'bicycle seat sized" steak, and everything in between) He goes to local eateries of the surrounding area and eats the best foods every. he finds the most delicious, greasy, pig-outy foods and eats them for us, on T.V. so he can watch it. He gets so messy and sweaty whenever he eats, it's wonderful. He says at the beginning of every episode that he is "not a competitive eater, just a man who loves food" Amen, Adam. And it shows. Here are a few of the things he has eaten, or attempted to eat on his show.
This is a burger called 'Sasquatch' that Adam was not able to finish. The buns alone weight one pound each. It is an Eight pound Hamburger, plus all the fixins'
This Giant burrito, called the 'Burritozilla' was not even a Challenge! he just got it for fun... but he only had one bite. the crowd boo-ed him, but then a world-champion competitive eater happened to be in the house, (he's called JOEY CHESNUT) and he ate this 17 1/2 inch breakfast burrito in 3.2 minutes. WOW. Adam said, in regard to Joey: “This is huge. This is like, okay, I’m a baseball player, and randomly Babe Ruth happens to walk in while I’m eating a big burrito” And then later, looking back on the experience in his Vlog: "...a 17 inch burritozilla, which he ate in 3 minutes and 15 seconds in front of me, like a warrior. I am a nobody”the VIDEO IS HERE


“Compare the size of the beautiful child to the gigantic slice of pizza”


“you can’t take small bites with a sandwich the size of a Winnebago.” This is a typical sandwich from Primanti's. Throughout the series, you see the crew and Adam wearing shirts they got from there.

This is Adam, losing a challenge to 16 milkshakes. Food won... but in honesty, I think we all won.

Yes... those are gas masks in a kitchen. And Adam ate it. New York has the worlds spiciest curry.

these were 12 of the spiciest wings in the world. Adam had to eat them and then lick all the sauce off his fingers and then sit still with no drink of napkin for 5 minutes in order to win... he did it. The interview afterward will be posted as well... my dad pointed out that he does much better with spicy challenges than with large quantities.

This wasn't even a challenge! it was just breakfast... Seriously though, whenever I order food at a restaurant, and it comes, and it's not as big as this picture, a little part of my heart dies... Man I want his job!

That entire thing becomes a pizza... and he eats it!

Holy Moses... that is a doughnut that... I want to marry that doughnut. Seriously... I hear it's legal in Massachusetts

This is the 7 1/2 lb breakfast burrito that bested Adam, you can see the high-speed video below.

video
High-speed Burrito-eating. Yes, that ump-teen pound pile of food is a breakfast burrito.

video
Adam Fields questions after he ate the hottest wings on the planet (the aforementioned 12 wings, with a 5 minute "after-burn" in which he could not eat, drink or touch anything. Wow.


Now today, I want to ask a question, nay I wish to foster a discussion. I stumbled upon a handout that MR. BAUER gave me about three years ago. It was on Postmodernism. Re-reading it, it kind of scared me.

Postmodernism respects all things equally, Shakespeare is on par with family guy. It has no 'Canon.' And there is no one single 'norm' (i.e. white, male, straight, protestant, etc) and everything else outside is different or wrong (i.e. black, women, gays, etc.) In postmodernism, every variable is in itself it's own, correct norm. So White is just as respected as black, women as men as gay as straight as Jew as christian as T.V. as Theatre as Nascar as comic books as Prairie Home Companion as Rap, etc. (this is just one of many, many elements of Postmodernism, but now you unawares folks are a bit more in the picture, and you in-the-know folks can have your minds refreshed.)

I wrote Mr. Bauer a message that contained the following:

There was a quote on the handout that said:
" If postmodernism is the condition of contemporary culture, then all culture in our time is by definition postmodern. We cannot single out or fix a style and presume that it is distinctively "postmodernism." All we can do is observe the particular forms and relations that postmodernism takes in any particular cultural phenomenon"

then in response, we cannot single out or fix a style and presume it is definitively NOT Postmodernism... So did we kind of dig ourselves into a hole here with this whole Postmodernism thing? will there ever be anything after Postmodernism? as the handout also said " Postmodernism is a process still underway" and so... is it so adaptive that nothing can break out of it?

I mean, there are insanely distinct and different theatre styles, like Moises Kaufman's Tectonic theater project, Robert Wilson, and Richard Foreman, all of whom are extremely distinct in their styles, yet all are lumped under postmodern, simply because of when they happen to be alive?

If someone wrote a manifesto saying "We are officially no longer postmodern, we are instead ___" would they still be considered Postmodern because of how adaptive Postmodernism is, and how Un-defined they are? (Postmodernism has no manifesto, neither a defined beginning or rules for being such. There are simply guidelines and general rules to look for) I mean, people have done that, right? Neo-futurists? I think? and they are Neo-futurists, They wrote a manifesto, but they are still postmodern... New Ism's are born because there is a need for change... well lots of people have seen the need for change and have made that change (Moises Kaufman, for example) and yet, since Postmodernism is so 'great' and adaptive, they can't get away.

Does this make sense?

I guess i'm just wondering your all your take on this and also asking if there will ever be a time when there is no longer a postmodernism, or if it will just be the elastic "ism" that will adapt to and incorporate everything...

Will Postmodernism Ever Die?

I really do want to know what all you think about this. please leave a comment, lets discuss.

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Thursday, March 12, 2009

On Wednesday, March something I got my LDS Mission call. I'm gonna be spending 2 years of my life in Fresno, California, starting June 10. So that's another reason to be excited in my life. Anyway, thanks, you steady readership, you are appreciated! In fact, anyone that comments on this, I will personally make a cupcake for. The thing is, I have to actually see you regularly in order to give you said cupcake. So if you live far away, or irregularly see me, either donate your cupcake to charity, or ask me for an e-card, or something. Thanks, and see you all.

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Why Don't We Just Have One Giant Wedding At Get It Over With? (or I Have Potty Stomach)

First of all, I want you to know that I am Ebineezer Scrooge, The Grinch, and Mark David Chapman all rolled into one. That being said, Here is my post:

So EVERYONE, and I mean Everyone, is getting married or is now already married. Seriously. It's like a disease around here, but instead of killing people and making them die horrible, long, drawn out, agonizing deaths, it makes people happy and love each other hold each others hands and rub noses together and...get annoying-er. Now, that's not to say everyone who gets married is annoying. In fact, in reality, people are probably just as nice, if not nicer after they get married. It's just pissing me off that everyone is doing Right Now. Like, all these arbitrary Facebook groups for weddings and people all smiley and happy together, it makes me sick. And everyone that isn't getting married right now is already married. And most of them graduated High school the same time as me... which really wasn't long ago, I promise.

Elise is startled that people she went to High School with are getting married... Um, Elise, quick two things. first: Your 24, and second: You're Married. But your also cool.

Jaclyn Hales is getting married to David Lassater, and that is great, and I actually am genuinely happy for them. I really like both of them and think they'll be really great. As for everybody else... I think it goes back to that disease analogy, okay not really. But it seems like people around here don't need to actually "date" before they get "engaged." anymore. These words have been re-defined. "Dating" now means "the period of time between the Friday that you meet eachother and the Tuesday you get 'engaged' on" and "Engaged" now means "we met last friday and want to get married while we still like eachother"... Sheesh. I'm sick!

I guess the other thing is that I am leaving for two years, so all these happy, smiley, Facebook groupey people will be going about their happy, smiley, married lives and I won't get to be one of them for a long time... not that there is anything wrong with that. I mean, i don't plan on getting married for quite a while, it's just that... well, these people are my age. And that is ridiculous.

Anyway, don't mean to hate you Married folks, not at all... I'm just sick of this sudden urge to get married...At 19! And especially I'm sick at how happy eveyone is at it...I look at pictures of the engaged folks and i can just see the happiness eminating from their faces. Their eyes so honestly happy, their smiles so wide, and they look like nothing in the world could ever make them un happy, and like anything in the world that ever has, doesn't matter. They have forgotten everyone else they have ever met and are happy to disregard their vague future plans of anyone they will meet, because they are so incredibly and radiantly happy... It makes me sick. I guess i'm a curmudgeon. Sue me!

...plus! they post all these cute little things to eachother on their respective Facebook walls prefessing their love, or even worse, something less extravogant and more down to earth, like "I really wish you were on facebook right now because i ADORE you and miss you..." Honesty... where has it ever gotten anyone. You don't need to profess your undying like to eachother on eachtohers walls. Just like how in the Victorian Era you didn't have to secretly write love notes to eachother and seal them with a signature, special, secret wax seal... But everyone did anyway because it is romantic and lovely and makes the other person's heart go into their throat because they love them so much and reading that little message made them have potty stomach, in a good way. I'm just sick. I have Potty Stomach...

But in honesty, I'm glad people are getting married and being happy... sometimes it's just a bit much, Buut that time usually happens at 2:00 in the morning after a night of hard... Pepsi drinking. So Go On, get married, be happy, post pictures, be adorable and wonderful and radiant and smile for six days straight and get distracted in the middle of conversations and all that wonderful stuff engaged and newlywed people do... it's beautiful and I love it, I really do... just don't do it in front of me at 2:00 in the morning right before I leave for 2 years.

Thanks.

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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Putting off writing.

Now, ironically, I'm writing in order to avoid writing. But I have to write a 80-100 page stage play by Monday, I need 75 pages by Friday, and I'm on page 43 today (Wednesday). I should be writing that right now, but I just don't want to. Earlier today, at Barnes and Noble I sat for an hour and fifteen minutes listening to Espers and I wrote thirteen or fourteen pages. Thats something. But, now I need to get back on and write again, and I'll be fuzzled, I just don't want to.. Shucks. Today I auditioned for SAST, Short attention Span Theatre (er) with a monologue from The Pillowman. I memorized it in about ten minutes earlier today. I think I did pretty well at the auditions, I find out tomorrow if I get called back... Hmmm. I wonder if I will (cue dream music and clouds now) (CUT TO: me... dancing?) okay, nevermind, that only worked in my head for a split second, then I realized it was only a half formed idea. Speaking of half- formed ideas, I should tell you guys about this play I'm supposed to be writing for class. Jeez.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

New Post

So Monday, I started writing a post that detailed the events of The 81st Oscars. Blueh. Boring. I never finished. Basically I talked about how sexy the host Hugh Jackman was, a posted a link to THIS PICTURE and how he was Australian and how the other sexy Australian actor Russel Crowe apparently wasn't sexy anymore. Then I posted a link to THIS PICTURE in regard to russel crowe. It was supposed to be funny. it wasn't. Then i went on very long-windedly about the oscar nominees and winners and some such. basically the highlights of that were... um... I talked about how Penelope Cruz wasn't written off of 30 rock before her Oscar Nomination, which is good because Amy Adams was written off The Office a week before her Oscar Nomination last year and the The Office folks felt like sheep. SO: there is a huge blog condensed and highlighted in a paragraph. if anyone who didn't see the Oscars actually cares about the Oscars, there is infinitely better coverage ANYWHERE ELSE online. So go anywhere else.

The much more elegant, enlightened, thoughtful topic I want to talk about now is how weird I feel in the handicapped Bathroom stall. I went in one of those today, that what got me thinking. Every time I use one of them, I always wonder "what if a handicapped man actually needed to use the restroom while I was in it? He would think I was Politically incorrect. Or that I had no respect for his situation" He'd get pissed. When I'm in the stall, enjoyaing all the luxuries and open space, I always think about what i would say if I walked out of the stall and there was a man in a wheelchair just sitting and waiting, staring up at me with one of those faces. You know the ones! I also always imagined him tapping his foot, but that's probably unrealistic. I also always thingk he's gonna like, punch me, or beat me up, or axe me. But really, I obsess over it the whole time. It almost makes me want to use a differnt stall, and on occasion it has, but for the most part, if i see an open, large, luxurious, handicapped stall, I use it. With the other stalls, I feel so cramped (no pun intended) and also my knees hit both walls. I also feel like if there si some sort of disaster or some deranged post office worker comes with a gun, I will have a much lower chance of escaping if I'm in a cramped stall. I don't know why, but you can't honestly tell me you've never thought the same thing.
But anyway, I get out of the stall and the upset handicapped man is staring at me, tapping his foot or some such, and he says "So..." and I say " um, I'm sorry, I never thought I would actually meet you" and then he says "why not? there are plenty of us around"
ME: No! thats not it, I just...
HIM: you think they make those stall just so people like you can use them without hitting both your knees on the walls?
ME: no, sir, i just-
HIM: or maybe you think that we can fit just fine in the other stalls, hmm?
ME: well, no.. it's just, all the other stalls were full...

This would probably be my first excuse. But in actuality, it's a weak one, because odds are, the stalls weren't all full, and odds are he came in and saw that and knew full well they weren't full. And odds are that if I start off telling a lie, then he will never trust me.

HIM: No they weren't full. I came in just now and saw you shut the door-
ME: well, not full per-sey, but I feel weird sitting in a stall next to someone...
HIM: There was no-one else in here.

This would also probably be true because I spend most of my time in obscure parts of the
Gunther Trades building at night during rehearsals, so there probably would be no-one else there... including that stupid handicapped man (not stupid because he's handicapped, but just.. you know!)

ME: well, I mean, it's just really roomy in there, you know?
HIM: No, I don't, I spend all the extra room in there getting out of my wheelchair *cough* and taking off my leg braces *wheeze* and then remembering my dead puppy
ME:...oh, oops.
HIM: oops won't cut it buddy, I'm gonna axe you so good.
ME: oh... ummm... *runs away*

At this point I realize I can just run away and he can't catch me because he is in a wheelchair and he needs to go to the bathroom.

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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Abilify?




So today, I saw a commercial . for the Anti-depressant / Bi-polar medication 'Abilify.' Wow. What follows is an un-edited, exact transcript of the commercial that actually got aired on T.V. The first half of the commercial merely states that if your anti-depressant alone isn't enough, talk to your doctor about adding Abilify. Then they go straight into this, in the same sing-song, everything-is-going-to-be-alright tone of voice. But if one actually listens to the words, they will fast realize that everything, most definitely, is not going to be alright on Abilify.

"Call your doctor if your depressions worsens, you have unusual changes in mood or behavior, or have thoughts of suicide: Anti-depression medications can increase these in children, teens and young adults."
Okay, awesome. My depression medication will actually increase my risk of being depressed and committing suicide. But only if I'm a child, teen or young adult. at least there's still middle age and elderly.

"Elderly dementia patients taking Abilify have an increased chance of Death or stroke" So much for elderly.

"call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles, and confusion while on Abilify, as these may be signs of a life-threatening reaction. Or uncontrollable muscle reaction, as these may be permanent."
wonderful! I get to take my depression medication, become more depressed, and then be permanently disfigured. hooray. I don't see any cons to this medication so far.

"high blood pressure has been reported with Abilify and medicines like it. And in rare cases increased blood pressure has lead to death or stroke."

Hang on, The medicine increases blood pressure, and the then increased blood pressure can lead to my death... That doesn't seem like it would be caused
in any way by the medication.

"Other risks include dizziness upon standing, seizure, impaired motor skills, and trouble standing"
Jeez, if i had trouble standing, I'd be depressed too. luckily, iIve just heard of this great medication, Abilify...

"talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of taking Abilify, If an anti-depressant alone isn't enough."
Wow. i can only think of two doctors who could possibly think prescribing this to anyone would be a good idea:
Dr. Nick Riviera




















And Dr. Leo Spaceman (spuh-CHEH-men)


And they are both fictional.












The link for the video is HERE.

I will also try to add it to the blog:






Also, I would like to post a quiz that I made for you guys. Just a little fun thing for my readership.
Which Of These Names Is A Medication And Which Is A Name From Middle Earth:

http://www.quiztron.com/tests/tolkien_or_medicine_quiz_129329.htm

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