Thursday, June 21, 2012

Sit-Down Stand-Up

Stand-up comedy is described as such because the comic is standing up when he delivers it. Well, I've been thinking alot since I talked with Callie Peterborg about BYU's stand-up comedy HumorU and though I might give it a shot, but because I can't stand up and deliver it to you, I'll do it while sitting down at my computer:

Well, I actually am on vacation right now. I'm in San Francisco. In every travel group, there is always the person who doesn't want to seem like a tourist. Like their identity will be discovered by the locals. They never want you to take pictures, like you try to take one and they say something snide like "yeah, that's not touristy" or "why don't you just hop on a tour bus?!" But even if you are on a tour bus, where everyone else around you is Japanese with a big ol' Nikon hanging around their neck, this person still wants to look like he's not a tourist , like "yeah, no this is how I get to work everyday. I'ts just more scenic, you know?" Like there are other locals on there too checking him out: "oh, look at him! he's a tourist? I though he was one of us until I saw him with those folks with the cameras. jeeze, how pathetic." As if the fact that he is standing in the middle of the Haight-Ashbury intersection in a flannel shirt and Birkenstock sandals with socks and a camera around his neck doesn't give him away. 
     And of course you got the guy who thinks he's a local, right? he knows all the good spots to go,and all the places the local go and the tourist don't know about: "this is real Disneyland, man. tourists hang out in Adventureland and New Orleans square, but dude, critter Country is where all the locals come." You all know this guy. He's usually the one who has been there once before on a school trip or a vacation with his family when he was a kid, but is actually just really good at navigating 
      And then there is the person who tries to justify their picture taking. they try to preempt the sarcastic remark the guy who wants to be local will throw their way. So as they take a picture of a street vendor, they justify it with "This is for Larry... he loves hotdogs"  as if Larry will ever even see the picture. as if they will ever see the picture besides right after they take it and pass it around for everyone to see. They'll put it on a computer somewhere, in a temporary folder, just till they get their folders organized. Or even if they are the kind of person that meticulously catalogs everything on their computer (I am), who ever sits down at a computer and says "you know what, forget facebook today. I had a really good time in Chicago 4 years ago. I really want to re-live it. Lets open up those pictures. Heck, maybe I can invite Larry over. I think I got a picture of a hotdog vender in there somewhere for him. He loves hotdogs....  "
     and speaking of facebook, I think that the more facebook friends you have, the less actual friends you really have.  
     -- Okay, so I'm single. Not bitter or anything, but being single here at BYU can be rough sometimes. Sometimes when I see a happy couple walking down the sidewalk holding hands, I just want to red-rover them. "Red-rover red-rover send REALITY right over!!" ... like I said though, not bitter. 

   -- There has been so much road construction lately. Like that intersection by Wal-Mart and UVU, or ...every freeway on and off ramp in the state simultaneously?! I know that is what our tax money is going to, but why? I mean, I can still get to salt lake in 45 minutes, why pay millions of our dollars to cut it down to 42?  But thank goodness they changed around that UVU-Walmart intersection! I mean, they created 5 smaller,  temporary intersections made with roadcones that would change around every couple of weeks and back traffic up like crazy. But thank goodness they did it, cause now, I can finally turn left into Wal-Mart and right into UVU and go straight onto the freeway and... wait, hang on a second, I could do all of those things before! I honestly would be more willing to pay taxes if the tax money used for construction just got pocketed by the government and they left the roads alone. That way they get more money and I get to keep my roads that already work. I mean, as long as I can drive on it, it's fine, I promise. Everybody wins. 

1 comment:

Mitch said...

I just checked the "stoopid" box cuz I like the way ya spelled it.