The Assassin's Creed.

Altair is an assassin in the year 1191, during the third Crusade of the Holy Land, He was a top-ranking assassin in his Brotherhood, and during his most recent attempt to kill the Templar-leader,
(Altaïr, along with another assassin named Malik and his brother Kaddar, being ordered to retrieve a mysterious artifact from ruins of the Solomon's Temple in Jerusalem which is also being sought by The Knights Templar. As Altaïr and his companions make their way into Solomon's Temple, they discover that Grand Master of The Knights Templar, Robert IV de Sablé is also there. Altaïr attempts to kill Robert but the ensuing attempt fails and Altaïr gets separated from his companions, leaving Robert and his men with Malik and Kaddar. Upon returning to the order's base of operation it is discovered that Malik survived the engagement; although losing an arm and his brother, he managed to retrieve the artifact.)

He failed and broke all three tenets of the Assassin's Creed, for which he was demoted completely. Altair now has to work his way back up the ranks of the Brotherhood. which is lucky because he should have been killed. The three Tenets are as follows:

1. Stay your blade from the flesh of an innocent.
2. Do not draw attention before you strike
3. And never compromise the brotherhood

Well, he killed an innocent man to get into the Temple of Solomon, Then, he walked right up to his target before he killed him, and finally, he lead his attackers, unknowingly, back to the Brotherhood's headquarters. WELL, as you can tell, this is serious. But, his leader was compassionate and merely demoted him completely, as I stated prior. But I got to thinking, I won't be so lucky.

I, too, have broken the three tenets of the Assassin's Creed.

1. I killed an innocent man. On the way to Macey's the other day, I saw him and mistook him for my assassination target, so I snapped his neck apart. But it turned out it was just some elderly man.

2. I drew attention to myself before I struck, as well, it was horrible, I just, did cartwheels around him, this innocent elderly man, and then turned on my car speakers playing Black Dog, then started slapping him and yelling "i'm gonna kill you, i'm gonna kill you. You're gonna be assassinated cause i'm gonna kill you!" So all these bystander's saw.

3. I compromised the brotherhood. In exchange for my freedom I told the bystanders who the real enemies were,a nd apologized for the innocent mistake. I explained that i merely thought this old man was the Templar leader. so I apologized and told them that Dylan Thomas made me do it, whoever he was. And so now, I'm in deep. oops

Deadliest Catch!

So Deadliest Catch is this Television show for the Discovery channel about these five King-crab boat that go fishing on the Bering Sea.  And that's about it. They each have a captain that is distinctly his own individual. Their crews all are quick-tempered and the captains care so much about their boats and their crew that they have no choice but to give 'tough-love.' The drama on the show usually comes from multi-camera captures of a large wave coming over the deck. or the captain being sick, or a member of the crew being sick, or the whole fleet being low on crab at that precise moment, or people being mean to one another. occasionally someone gets hurt, which is in turn broadcasted all over the commercials for the show.  This profession is supposedly the deadliest profession  in the world, hence Deadliest catch. oh, also, Mike Rowe, the man from Dirty Jobs, also on the Discovery channel is the narrator of this intriguing, addicting program. 

My problem with the show is not so much that it is excruciatingly  boring, or that all of the episodes are exactly the same: Close up of pods of crab being unloaded, then an intimate interview with the captain of the crab-vessel, then some dramatic night-time shots of waves crashing over the side, then night-time shots of the crew scrambling on deck trying to accomplish some very important task, occasionally interviews of the crew trying to keep morale up are included,  then another interview with the captain in the wheel house, this time talking about how important it is that they get done whatever needs to get done, and cursing and smoking a lot because it's not being done fast enough, then commercial, then the same thing on a different boat in the fleet. all very dramatically narrated by Mike Rowe.  My problem isn't even the fact that it seems completely pointless or impossible to relate to.  No, my problem lies in them taking over the Discovery channel. and I mean this completely seriously.  I looked on t.v. guide today, and from 8:00 a.m till 2:00 am.m they just have deadliest catch. Before 8 and after 2 is infomercials.  and the same thing tomorrow. nothing else is on the Discovery channel besides Deadliest Catch.    not even Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe, which seemed to be how it was a while ago. a show that Mike Rowe hosted, then a show that Mike Rowe narrated, then back to a show he hosted. (see this video)

 

 no, now it is ONLY Deadliest catch.  I'll put a link here for the T.V. guide site I went to, but it will have been updated with the proper day I'm sure. But if you check it within the next 2 months, I'm sure it will still be the same.     No more Mythbusters, or Documentaries on moonshine, or Science programs, or Smashlab, or WWII shows or, or... anything that's not Deadliest Catch. 

    So that is my beef. My biggest, fattest beef in the world. Thank you. 

E.C.D.

So, today was my little Syster Erinn, er... Sister Erynn's birthday party. I got back from buying my new laptop to find a horde of screaming 12 year olds in my house. They were so noisy I could hear them from the sidewalk. Then when I got in, it was even worse than I could have imagined. Just the sheer constancy and volume and shrill-ness of the noise was overwhelming. So I quickly got myself a bowl of Neopolitan ice-cream and went into the bathroom to eat it. While I was in there, savoring the... not quiet, but savoring and enjoying the Less-noise, I heard one of Erynn's 'friends' (except i had never seen her before, and she seemed like a ... y'know, one of those girls. boyfriend and age 12, dresses in things exclusively from the mall, etc. AND thinking I enjoyed hearing her flirt. sheesh.) Anyway, I heard, actually all of Erynn's guests talking first about Zack Efron and Ashley Tisdale, then about Twilight and how one of the girls who hadn't read it needed to because Eclipse was just so awesome and that's where the fight happens and all this good stuff. all of these twelve year old girls got riled up. well, then this girl, you know, the one i was mentioning earlier (I know it was her because she never said anything, she screamed it. and if people ignored her, or didn't hear because she didn't scream loud enough, and everyone else was talking at the same time, she's scream it again. and the biggest problem i had was that this girl always had something to say about everything.) She said that she had E.C.D. or Edward Cullen Disorder. 'Disorder?' I wondered if this meant that she... thought she was a vampire, or she was madly in love with some plain, clumsy girl. I didn't know.


But this made me realize that the only reason these girls like these books is because Edward is Hott, omfg. And they can relate to Bella, and get giddy over the romance in the books, and that it 'pulls them in'. But Yeah, Edward Cullen is the only reason they like these books, whereas me, I like them for the deep plots, heightened language, extensive use of metaphor and... Who am I kidding? I like those books for the exact same reason that those squeal-y twelve year old girls do. Edward is a babe, I don't know why he loves Bella, and it is just like being in high school again when I read it, getting the romance and stomach butterflies I never had while I was actually there.


So there, I admit it. Although I don't react the same way that they do, that's just because I know I'd be made fun of if I did what my heart told me and admitted that I, too, have E.C.D

NightTime in my house

So it's nighttime. I'm watching "How it's Made". my family is in Caste Dale waiting for a family reunion on Saturday to come. Tonight, i am finding out how 'they' make Fiberglasss Insulation, wooden ducks, Gumball machines and something else mechanical, i can't remember. So this should be an informative night.

Anyway, I also got the script to Proof today. so now i can get the monologues out of that as well. I am collecting monologues from all the plays I own except Hamlet and A Doll's House. I'm up to 197 monologues. but i need to finish putting in the Oleanna monologues, and now Proof as well. Then I'll just have all of Chris Durang's full length plays and I'll be through. or at least, ready to start copying the monologues down onto the computer so i can print them out. yeah. So far, I have monologues from -Whos afraid of Virginia Woolf, August, osage County, the American Dream, Top GIrls, The Pillowman, The Lieutenant of Inishmore, the Cripple of Inishmaan, Some Girl(s), Wrecks (neil labute collection) Autobahn (neil Labute collection) the Mercy Seat, the Shape of Things, BASH, PLan B Theatre Company omnibus (plays from behind the zion curtain.) Cristopher Durangs complete short plays, Rhinoceros, Ubu Roi, Angels in America, Picasso at the Lapin Agile (Steve Martin Collection) All My Sons, and a Harold Pinter Collection. So, thats that.
Next, i think i'm gonna collect scenes, And yes, I am a Theatre Masochist thankyouverymuch. but someday, someone will thank me.

Right now they're on Gumball machines, I hope they do 'Am-byoo Lance's' next.

Erynn is sick

"Yellow matter custard, green slop pie,

All mixed together with a dead dog's eye,

Slap it on a butty, ten foot thick

Then wash it all down with a cup of cold sick"

-a British Nursery Rhyme

Well,  I think Erynn has done just about that, and thrown the cold sick back up again

She threw up a grand total of twenty four times yesterday, yeah 24!

 

She couldn't keep food down, so my mom wanted to get Anal Suppositories for her, but no dice, shucks, so she had to take conventional medicine, including Pepto Bismal, which, for the first time in William's Family history, was not thrown up. so hoorah

She's better mostly now, except she seems kind of depressed and helpless that she's not wearing any pants. my parents were going somewhere and i asked her if she was going too, she said " no, i'm not wearing any pants" 

 "you could put some on" i said. she merely stared at me then fell back onto the couch and put her blanket over her head. 

Nina's Pizza Owners Are Jerks and Mean, Scary, Bad Drivers.

So, as I mentioned in my previous blog, I drove to Salt Lake on Sunday. As I entered the freeway from Center Street, a fat fat Jerk cut me off. he sped up ahead of me in the right lane, then changed lanes in front of me, then changed lanes again. It was a silver Mercedes with a Nina's Pizza triangular delivery guy on the top. It also had an advertisement and address and phone number on the side.

I'm not one to put pictures of cars on my blog, but I think I had to here

I think this was the kind it was. It was black on the bumper, but something like this because it was a Mercedes, but it wasn't super fashionable. Like, it looked just like a run-of-the-mill car, like Nissan could make it, (My mom just reiterated that fact, she glanced at the picture and said "Provo, home of the Nissan's") but Mercedes does in fact make it, so it's automatically thousands of dollars more expensive, and the person driving it is thousands of dollars more pompous. It was like the cheap model Mercedes just so you can say you have one. Anyhow, I got a great look at the back of this jerks car on the way to Salt Lake, the back of his car and his Florida license plate and the o39 2wt on it. Anyway, as he changed lanes again, of course no signal, and of course he didn't do it gradually, there was a car in front of him who was changing lanes opposite of him, because there was a slow car ahead of both of them. Well as these two cars were doing their delicate ballet, the lanes merged, un-benounced to Mr. Mercedes. And so instead of slowing down and falling in line safely , he sped ahead of the car opposite him and almost made him crash, I honked at him alot. Then he tried to make his way around the slow car, but he couldn't, so he just tailed him till we made it off the on ramp. Now, to Nina's pizza's car's credit, the man was going obnoxiously slow. 50 on an on ramp. So i dismissed this Pizza guy as an idiot and let him drive on.

Well, about ten miles up the freeway, i see the car again. I knew it was the same car because it had the Nina's pizza delivery thing on it, and the black bumper. I just got so angry when I saw it, mostly because I knew it wasn't just being a complete moron on the on ramp, but was, in fact, a moron in real life and all across the freeway. I also knew i would be driving with him for quite a while. So, I put on my honkin' glove and got ready to be pissed off the whole ride. When I saw him, he had just pulled in front of me in the carpool lane, But it was not legal to cross at that time, you know, it was still the double white lines, not the dashed. Now, I know that color and thickness and dashing of lines are of no importance to most Utah drivers, this man took it too far. he came in and out of the carpool lane 4 times, just trying to pass all these other cars. and with all his lane changing, he only ended up two cars in front of me cause while he was going forward AND side to side illegally through the lanes, i was just moving forward, so... do THAT math, i guess. Anyway. He illegally passed me and cut me off a few times.

As he passed me one of the many times, I saw that he was in his early fifties and had grey hair. He was thin and was wearing a golden man-bracelet. his wife was next to him, she was also late forties and was short with curly white-grey-brown hair. As it turns out, these were the Owners of Nina's Pizza. the woman actually was Nina. they are from New York, which is confusing on two levels. ONE: how could someone from New York City drive so fast? I've been there and cars don't go fast at all because it is so congested, although i guess thats where the weaving comes in. TWO: they had a florida license plate. so i guess they lived in Florida for long enough to get their car registered there, then moved to New York for a while. And Nina's New York style pizza sounds better than Nina's Florida Style Pizza. Anyhow the man was pompous looking and wearing thin man bracelts and driving like a psyco.

So, remember how he passed me and cut me off in the HOV lane? thats where I was at before iIgave you the character detail. Well at that point, he had only caused the one car on the On ramp to almost crash, he just pissed off a ton of others, but I thought I'd just drive on in the HOV lane and ignore him. And oddly enough, I got ahead of him.

At the Point of the Mountain he came up behind me doing some jerk things, weaving in between lanes, avoiding cars and pissing everyone off, so I illegally came out of the HOV and got in front of him and slowed down, He passed me. I sepd up and got in front of him again and slowed down. This time, instead of passing, he just tailgated me. but then, when i didn't speed up, he backed off. I thought he got the point.

Long story Short, he didn't. More of the same around IKEA area, so I called up Utah Highway Patrol on his butt. Boo-yah, I did my civic duty. They never caught him as far as I could see, but at least i helped keep america safer. OH! I forgot, remember how i told you that the car had a telephone number for Nina's pizza on the side? Well, I called it up and i left them a message. something like this:
Hi! This is Ethan Williams. I just wanted to let you know that one of your delivery cars is acting erratically and driving like dangerously on the freeway. it's a middle aged man and a cheap silver mercedes. I know their probably the owners but they are still driving really badly ... 

Then I related the gist of the blog to them, thanked them and hung up

The next day i got a call from Nina's pizza saying they missed my call. i just told them that i had left them a message and asked them to listen to it. 

Anyhow, my blogs are getting long, I apologize. Long and less interesting. But this needed to be said. 

Salt Lake is So Hip That They Don't Need to Prove It to Anyone. (or Reputations That Are Far From The Truth)

Salt Lake. 2008. Today, July 6. I went to Salt Lake to pick up Hannah from the airport, back from her trip to Wisconsin. (Milwaukee, not Madison, alas.) And now, readership, I am here to nobly dispel many local Salt Lake area Myths, and I shall do so in bullet point form I think, because that is the most organized way to dispel myths, I've heard. Although, maybe it was through paragraph-less prose, I can't really remember. But for ease of the eye, I'll bullet-point this sucker. (And these observations and opinions are based on several excursions to the SLC, not just the one today. Don't worry, I'm a scientist, )

--Salt Lake is More Hip Than Provo (I use provo because thats where I live, and thats where I know about) : Well, yes and no. Yes in the sense that there is a much better theatre scene in SLC. Much better. Of course, almost anything is better than Center Street Musical Theater and the Art City Playhouse in Springville. I say almost anything because I think I would rather sit through a Center Street performance than join the Army or cut off any of my nipples or toes. But other than that... So in that sense SLC is more hip. And musically they boast superiority as well. That is Debatable. Not that I am a huge supporter of the Provo indie-music scene, but I am a huge aware-er of all that goes on in said scene. In the past few years there has been an enormous Boom, or Bang, or Smash, or any other exciting onomatopoeia you care to put in there, in the amount, the quality, and the awareness of the Provo Music scene. And Provo doesn't even have it's own Magazine, like City Weekly, to brag about itself in. But I guess that is one of the main things that makes Salt Lake so much hipper and cooler than us, is they have a magazine. But no amount of magazines and flattering articles can change the fact that everything closes at seven on a Saturday night and there are no public restrooms.

--Salt Lake Has a Happenin' Night Life: FALSE. A few weeks ago, i went up to the SLC with Erika to go see SLAM by Plan B Theatre Company (who I personally think are just a little too into shock value and being different and anti-Center-Street's bubblegum and OKLAHOMA! style performance. But SLAM is a good idea) And it started at 7. we got there early so we could eat at One World Everybody Eats. (it' this cafe where... well read this article, please? it's a wonderful place.) so we ate there and still had time before the show. so we decided to wander around a down-town-ish area. there were a bunch of really neat shops and it was a Saturday, and it was seven. we were sure we could get in to see a few. NO! not a single shop we went to was open. There were three bars open, the Marriott hotel and some weird grimy grocery store. That was all on seven blocks. It was Seven o'clock on a Saturday night, in a city, and I was sure people would want to be out and about, you know, shopping. No. Every Single boutique, tattoo parlor, book store, organic food and herb shop, sandwich place, delicatessen, antique store, flower shop and hole-in-the-wall diner was Closed. Every Single One. And at this point, I really really needed to use the restroom, real bad. On the closed shops, there were signs that said "no public restroom" but that wasn't a big deal because they were ALL CLOSED. Every shop for four and a half blocks. And then for three blocks after that was closed. So, the one store that was open on the fourth block was the aforementioned grimy, Indian owned grocery store. They didn't have a restroom either. The bars had signs that said "No Public Restrooms" and the one dance club we passed had the same sign. in Seven and a half blocks, both sides, there was not a single shop that wasn't a bar open, and NONE that had public restrooms. And the reason we only went the seven blocks is because there were "giant" buildings on either side of the blocks. SO anyhow, I ended up walking confidently into the Marriott Hotel and Suites and used their public restroom. But that was about five more blocks away, around some corners and things. it was awful. Anyway, all that being said, Salt Lake's view of night life is about the same as Springville's. Turn the city off at seven no matter what day it is. The coroprate stores can stay open, like Mc. Donalds and things. Except in Salt Lake there are more bars. So i suppose if that is what people mean by night-life, then yes, Slat lake does have a few more bars than Provo, but at least provo keeps all our awesome shops and boutiques and clothing stores that aren't in some sort of mall open till at least nine, usually ten on Saturday. Even flower shops and this Italian restaraunt, market, and gelato store owned by these Mormon Italian Imports is open till nine. Sheesh. So shut up Salt Lake. You have more bars, but on Cultural night life, you lag.

--Provo Closes Down on Sunday. SLC is The Pace to Go: WRONG! Like I said, I went to Salt Lake on Sunday to get Hannah, and Erika and I went up early so we could walk around Salt Lake. Pointless. Bakeries were closed cause Sunday, which is okay, sunday isn't for shopping. The Library closed at five. As we drove around looking for someplace to go, very few places we saw were open. so we thought "We'll go to the Gateway" cause you know, shopping mall, it's gotta be open. True, to an extent. They closed down at six. Even the Barnes and Noble there, which in Orem closes down at nine closes at seven in the Gateway. JEEZ! I was exceeding frustrated. Granted, Provo Does shut down on Sunday too, don't get me wrong. I tried six different gas stations in Provo to pay with cash at, and none of them were open. The only places open are Rite Aid and Smiths, cause they both have 24 hour Pharmacies. They are even open on Christmas. But Salt Lake is not any better. don't kid yourself Salt Lake, just cause you have more tattoos and pride yourself on your counter-LDS culture, you're still in it. Everywhere else is just as counter LDS, and they don't even have to try to be, yet they succeed more, cause things actually stay open past seven. So... either move to Madison or buck up and realize that the U of U was still founded by Brigham Young.

Salt Lake is beautiful. But come on Salt Lake, come off yourself. Thank you readership. And for once, visit my links. OH! And also, I have a poll at the bottom of my page, please take it, yeah? it's a nony mouse.

Freedom FestivaaahL!!! (in pictures)

Today, July 5, is the final day of the three day long Freedom Festival . Okay, not true, the "Festival" as an obscure and impersonal entity goes on from mid June to late July, (actually mid May to mid October, but those are just two events that lengthen the average time. Without that kids essay contest in May and some stupid October-y thing, the festival would be from June to July) with different essay contests, parades, readings, concerts, etc. But the main part is the July 4th Parade, the Stadium of Fire and the three-day shop/carnival in the middle of town.
This is an image from the beginning of the ... I'm just gonna refer to the Shop-y carnival-y thing as 'the festival' from now on, just for clarity and to make things flow better, yeah? The Beginning of the Festival. It goes from like second East to 1st West, along Center Street. You can tell that this is a pretty big deal because, look at the latrines. That is a lot of Latrines. And I used one of them yesterday, and it was immaculately clean. I mean, barring the excrement, which was right where it was supposed to be. There was also a cleaning list that was checked off the past 5 days. they check up on it and clean it, etc. so thats nice and comfy. They also had hand sanitizer in there too, so hands could be washed. and i used it. And right as i was leaving, wishing there was a sink too, there WAS!(This mother is teaching her young children to not be filthy, disgusting humans. ) There were these black pumps on the bottom that you push with your foot and then water came out the top in little spurts. It was nice.
So anyway, i went there yesterday with Erika, and she didn't like all the people and annoying country music and idiotic behavior and high prices and unbearable heat, and the crowds. A Girl after my own heart. So anyway, we left after perusing for like half an hour. I originally dragged her there because i really wanted a Bratwurst. I couldn't find any... well, i found one, it was in this wagon that sold really overpriced barbeque. Needless to say I didn't buy one. But, i saw something that i have always wanted. Not just to have and to hold, but to eat and document as well. It was a giant turkey leg. I wanted to feel like Fred Flintstone. But Erika wanted to leave. So alas, I couldn't. But this today, after i took Erika to work, I went back over to there and hunted for my leg, and I also took pictures so as to properly document this Bonanza of food, freedom, friends and fun.

The Freedom Festival isn't a half-hearted small Jello-salad and scrap-book supplies craft-fair like most other things of this nature in Provo. It is a three-block long conglomeration of crafts, lots of food, home-maid goods and air-based rides for 'the kids' (either pneumatic, balloon slides, or otherwise.) There is stuff everywhere.some folks along the main part, next to some of the food places.

This booth said "let Freedom Ring", and then had these handmade metal bells-type things that browsing customers would ring every once-in-a-while. they sounded like cattle. this is just a picture to show, you know, kinda the scope-o-the-thing

This was at the very perimeter, thats why there isn't anyone there. But, this also shows how it was set up pretty well.

These are some of the toys i talked about earlier. The first is a balloony slide. the next is a children's version of The Rocket, you know, one of those pneumatic rides that shoots you up in the air then drops you. Except this one, as you can see, is only about fifteen feet high. but it shoots up and drops about seven or eight times a turn, so thats pretty good i'd say. pretty good indeed.

This toy is one of those spinny toys, kinda like a cheap version of the tea-cup rides at Disneyland., and yes, it is in fact made of PVC pipe. Safety first at these functions. Always safety first.

So. I was walking along, just taking pictures casually. You know how people do that, casually take pictures, You know? As they walk by, they just take pictures casually? Well, ...I mean, not creepily. I wasn't trying to secretly take pictures of women in short shorts, or pretty girls or homeless people or funny looking folks or anything, Just, taking pictures of stuff. So, i was doing that, walking along the main part, and i happened to take a picture of this booth that had all these drawings of famous people, like Denzel Washington and Miley Cyrus and LOTR chraracters, etc. And this man in a BYU hat walked out of his booth and approached me and said "we don't allow pictures. "
his wife then piped in "yeah, these are copywrite" then she did that little nervous, relief-society laugh that women do when they just said something that they know was mean, but they don't want people to think they are mean people, so they lightheartedly laugh it off. I'm sure you know what i mean. I HATE that so much. it makes everything they say worse. it's like saying "no-offense" before something. Even if you wouldn't have taken offense to it before, it automatically hurts your feelings after they say it, or laugh, in this case. SO, I just stood there and stared at them through my sunglasses silent for about fifteen seconds, no lie. He then said, "I mean, unless your a member of the press, then i could allow some pictures i guess" I stared more. He said " if you're a member of the press i could let you have a few i guess. I mean, but there are so many digital cameras around that just... " then he trailed off into nonsense, realizing that no-matter what he said I was just gonna keep staring at him. His wife was glaring at me the whole time, trying to like, stand in front of the "good" pictures so that i couldn't plagiarize or illegally distribute them. And i had sunglasses on too, so that made it all ht eerie-er for him. First of all, I don't think drawing pictures of photographs other people have taken of famous people counts as a copyright. Also, prove you drew them Heck, prove anyone drew them, and that you didn't just do some fancy pencil-filter on Photoshop and print-em off big. Jerks. I wasn't taking pictures of his pictures, no flattery intended. but, after that, i took all these, just cause hes a jerk and now, if he finds them on here, he's welcome to sue me. But if not, you and me will have our little secret about the douchebag in the BYU hat. I don't mean to be a snot, or a clever, smart-alek teen, but that man needs to stop flattering himself.the original picture that cause the Man to walk out of his booth and approach me.

And these i'm posting because i can, and it's silly that he cares that much about such a little thing. i mean, they are his art, and they are good, and he worked hard on them. but he wasn't very polite to me. So i took all these afterward.

But i mean seriously, it just looks like a poster that he copied. i don't think he has the right to copywrite. like i said. they are not bad. But I'm just a hooligan.

There was also a booth called "My Little Prophet" in colorful, bubble letters. the man there, as i walked by called out "Ever taken a look at Nephi?"
what?
He called that out to everyone. That was his one hook. "Ever taken a look at Nephi"
then, when approached, he said "give him a squeeze, see what he says" before i sqoze (squeezed?) him, I took a picture of him. Then I squeezed (sqoze?) him. he said "Adam dies so we may live"
The man then said "turn him around, you can hear it real well out his back. He had fifteen different scriptures"
or quasi scriptures, paraphrased scriptures. They had some other famous scriptures, all close to- but not actually the- real scriptures. And only one or two were actually from the books or teachings of Nephi. Recording isn't like giving a talk, you can have the script in front of you. but alas. or maybe they thought it would be more accessible to children if there weren't all the big confusing words in there. oh well. it was cute and the man was nice. I asked him how much it cost and he said " with tax and all that you can take one home for 20." Neat.

My Little Prophet. just as i said, in all it's colourful bubble letter-y glory.Nephi, I can only assume it's of First Nephi fame because a lot of people don't make it to third of fourth Nephi. he was the only prophet they sold.

Speaking of Prophets, there were these babushka, or whatever they are called, those Russian stackable wooden dolls, of alot of the modern prophets. hooray.
I've noticed a pattern. You'll notice it too i think. from Lorenzo snow on, all the prophetic spectacles were thin, wire-rimmed circles. Then, from Harold B Lee on, they were all they thick black wing-rimmed kind seen above, like the 1950's dad glasses that John Flansburgh wears.. But then President Hinckley ended the pattern.
That on the left is Joseph Smith Jr. and on the left is Joseph Fielding Smith, the biggest one.

ANOTHER TALE:
When I first arrived, I saw these masques. They weren't masks so much as masques, hence the alternate spelling. I talked to the people in the booth and asked them how much they were, as i looked at the price on one. they said they were all five dollars off today (it's the last day of the festival, you know) the one I held was thirty, they said all the rest were twenty. Or, all of the half-faced masques were twenty and all of the full faced "fairy like" masques were thirty. they told me they were Venetian. I then asked if they were really from Venetia or if they were just in the style of there. The man informed me that it was Venice, not Venitia. The woman next to him just laughed at my joke. The man later got it and laughed to. I thanked them and said goodbye.
The masques imported from Venitia.

NOW: here are just a few more picture without many real stories attached. enjoy please? I'll subtitle, I promise!

I Just found it strange they were selling baked potatos
A charismatic Police officer hard at work keeping Provo Free.


An UpRoarious sign for temporary tattoos hahaha, isn't it FUNNY?
Originally, I snapped this candid shot cause I thought the guys shorts were funny looking and wanted to blog about it. But much to my chagrin, his girlfriends purse matches. isn't that cute?A bearded old man.

a Flavor Fueling Station for snow cones. you can create your own!
This was a Gyro shop that looked and smelled delicious. i asked if they had a permanent shop. they don't but they come to these shows and things. I wanted to buy a delicious Gyro, but they were overpriced, even for the Freedom Festival.
He don't take no guff, Yo.
A pretty, wavy flag thing.

These weapons were all real, and really sharp. yesterday, i picked one of them up, and the effing... hilt cut me. jeez. they also sold million watt tas(z)ers. they were pink and hurt people alot. They never demonstrated... that i saw. but i can imagine. boy. Safety First at these places.

Carmel apples. with a pretty Foliage centerpiece.you can put anything on apples and it's healthy. God bless America.
a group of patriotic ties. those are kind of a seasonal thing. even more so than Christmas ties. I'll bet they didn't sell too many today, they'd have to wait another year to wear them, sheesh. an ironically bad time to market.
All these ties were five dollars. Yumm.

SOME VIDEOS...







I now have a victorious story. Remember those HUGE Fred Flinstone Turkey legs I mentioned earlier, well, they were marked down from the $7 they were yesterday to a mere, and very reasonable $4. so, needless to say, i bought one! When i got it, i started taking pictures of it. the dude thet was there asked me if i was from the press. i really didn't care at this point so i said " not really" he said " what do you mean" I told him it was gonna write about it, but it would't really be very widespread or marketed. he said " it doesn't matter if it's widespread, your still a member of the press" so then he made sure that i didn in fact order a water (which i did) and he dave me one from the cooler he was sitting on, which i guess is the "press cooler" because the other lady there gave somebody a warm water from a table. hmmm. Anyhow, my meat was... it looked good. i didn't taste it ill i got home. it was okay, i let my family finish it off. it actually wasn't that great, but it really looked triumphant and heroic and epic and mighty and stone-age. so, for all those reasons i came back to the freedom festival today. just to get a picture of me with a fat greasy turkey leg. i'm superficial, i know, but at least you got to enjoy it with me. Thank you.








SO that is my Provo Freedom Festival experience. thank you for sharing it with me readership.