Saturday, July 5, 2008

Freedom FestivaaahL!!! (in pictures)

Today, July 5, is the final day of the three day long Freedom Festival . Okay, not true, the "Festival" as an obscure and impersonal entity goes on from mid June to late July, (actually mid May to mid October, but those are just two events that lengthen the average time. Without that kids essay contest in May and some stupid October-y thing, the festival would be from June to July) with different essay contests, parades, readings, concerts, etc. But the main part is the July 4th Parade, the Stadium of Fire and the three-day shop/carnival in the middle of town.
This is an image from the beginning of the ... I'm just gonna refer to the Shop-y carnival-y thing as 'the festival' from now on, just for clarity and to make things flow better, yeah? The Beginning of the Festival. It goes from like second East to 1st West, along Center Street. You can tell that this is a pretty big deal because, look at the latrines. That is a lot of Latrines. And I used one of them yesterday, and it was immaculately clean. I mean, barring the excrement, which was right where it was supposed to be. There was also a cleaning list that was checked off the past 5 days. they check up on it and clean it, etc. so thats nice and comfy. They also had hand sanitizer in there too, so hands could be washed. and i used it. And right as i was leaving, wishing there was a sink too, there WAS!(This mother is teaching her young children to not be filthy, disgusting humans. ) There were these black pumps on the bottom that you push with your foot and then water came out the top in little spurts. It was nice.
So anyway, i went there yesterday with Erika, and she didn't like all the people and annoying country music and idiotic behavior and high prices and unbearable heat, and the crowds. A Girl after my own heart. So anyway, we left after perusing for like half an hour. I originally dragged her there because i really wanted a Bratwurst. I couldn't find any... well, i found one, it was in this wagon that sold really overpriced barbeque. Needless to say I didn't buy one. But, i saw something that i have always wanted. Not just to have and to hold, but to eat and document as well. It was a giant turkey leg. I wanted to feel like Fred Flintstone. But Erika wanted to leave. So alas, I couldn't. But this today, after i took Erika to work, I went back over to there and hunted for my leg, and I also took pictures so as to properly document this Bonanza of food, freedom, friends and fun.

The Freedom Festival isn't a half-hearted small Jello-salad and scrap-book supplies craft-fair like most other things of this nature in Provo. It is a three-block long conglomeration of crafts, lots of food, home-maid goods and air-based rides for 'the kids' (either pneumatic, balloon slides, or otherwise.) There is stuff everywhere.some folks along the main part, next to some of the food places.

This booth said "let Freedom Ring", and then had these handmade metal bells-type things that browsing customers would ring every once-in-a-while. they sounded like cattle. this is just a picture to show, you know, kinda the scope-o-the-thing

This was at the very perimeter, thats why there isn't anyone there. But, this also shows how it was set up pretty well.

These are some of the toys i talked about earlier. The first is a balloony slide. the next is a children's version of The Rocket, you know, one of those pneumatic rides that shoots you up in the air then drops you. Except this one, as you can see, is only about fifteen feet high. but it shoots up and drops about seven or eight times a turn, so thats pretty good i'd say. pretty good indeed.

This toy is one of those spinny toys, kinda like a cheap version of the tea-cup rides at Disneyland., and yes, it is in fact made of PVC pipe. Safety first at these functions. Always safety first.

So. I was walking along, just taking pictures casually. You know how people do that, casually take pictures, You know? As they walk by, they just take pictures casually? Well, ...I mean, not creepily. I wasn't trying to secretly take pictures of women in short shorts, or pretty girls or homeless people or funny looking folks or anything, Just, taking pictures of stuff. So, i was doing that, walking along the main part, and i happened to take a picture of this booth that had all these drawings of famous people, like Denzel Washington and Miley Cyrus and LOTR chraracters, etc. And this man in a BYU hat walked out of his booth and approached me and said "we don't allow pictures. "
his wife then piped in "yeah, these are copywrite" then she did that little nervous, relief-society laugh that women do when they just said something that they know was mean, but they don't want people to think they are mean people, so they lightheartedly laugh it off. I'm sure you know what i mean. I HATE that so much. it makes everything they say worse. it's like saying "no-offense" before something. Even if you wouldn't have taken offense to it before, it automatically hurts your feelings after they say it, or laugh, in this case. SO, I just stood there and stared at them through my sunglasses silent for about fifteen seconds, no lie. He then said, "I mean, unless your a member of the press, then i could allow some pictures i guess" I stared more. He said " if you're a member of the press i could let you have a few i guess. I mean, but there are so many digital cameras around that just... " then he trailed off into nonsense, realizing that no-matter what he said I was just gonna keep staring at him. His wife was glaring at me the whole time, trying to like, stand in front of the "good" pictures so that i couldn't plagiarize or illegally distribute them. And i had sunglasses on too, so that made it all ht eerie-er for him. First of all, I don't think drawing pictures of photographs other people have taken of famous people counts as a copyright. Also, prove you drew them Heck, prove anyone drew them, and that you didn't just do some fancy pencil-filter on Photoshop and print-em off big. Jerks. I wasn't taking pictures of his pictures, no flattery intended. but, after that, i took all these, just cause hes a jerk and now, if he finds them on here, he's welcome to sue me. But if not, you and me will have our little secret about the douchebag in the BYU hat. I don't mean to be a snot, or a clever, smart-alek teen, but that man needs to stop flattering himself.the original picture that cause the Man to walk out of his booth and approach me.

And these i'm posting because i can, and it's silly that he cares that much about such a little thing. i mean, they are his art, and they are good, and he worked hard on them. but he wasn't very polite to me. So i took all these afterward.

But i mean seriously, it just looks like a poster that he copied. i don't think he has the right to copywrite. like i said. they are not bad. But I'm just a hooligan.

There was also a booth called "My Little Prophet" in colorful, bubble letters. the man there, as i walked by called out "Ever taken a look at Nephi?"
He called that out to everyone. That was his one hook. "Ever taken a look at Nephi"
then, when approached, he said "give him a squeeze, see what he says" before i sqoze (squeezed?) him, I took a picture of him. Then I squeezed (sqoze?) him. he said "Adam dies so we may live"
The man then said "turn him around, you can hear it real well out his back. He had fifteen different scriptures"
or quasi scriptures, paraphrased scriptures. They had some other famous scriptures, all close to- but not actually the- real scriptures. And only one or two were actually from the books or teachings of Nephi. Recording isn't like giving a talk, you can have the script in front of you. but alas. or maybe they thought it would be more accessible to children if there weren't all the big confusing words in there. oh well. it was cute and the man was nice. I asked him how much it cost and he said " with tax and all that you can take one home for 20." Neat.

My Little Prophet. just as i said, in all it's colourful bubble letter-y glory.Nephi, I can only assume it's of First Nephi fame because a lot of people don't make it to third of fourth Nephi. he was the only prophet they sold.

Speaking of Prophets, there were these babushka, or whatever they are called, those Russian stackable wooden dolls, of alot of the modern prophets. hooray.
I've noticed a pattern. You'll notice it too i think. from Lorenzo snow on, all the prophetic spectacles were thin, wire-rimmed circles. Then, from Harold B Lee on, they were all they thick black wing-rimmed kind seen above, like the 1950's dad glasses that John Flansburgh wears.. But then President Hinckley ended the pattern.
That on the left is Joseph Smith Jr. and on the left is Joseph Fielding Smith, the biggest one.

When I first arrived, I saw these masques. They weren't masks so much as masques, hence the alternate spelling. I talked to the people in the booth and asked them how much they were, as i looked at the price on one. they said they were all five dollars off today (it's the last day of the festival, you know) the one I held was thirty, they said all the rest were twenty. Or, all of the half-faced masques were twenty and all of the full faced "fairy like" masques were thirty. they told me they were Venetian. I then asked if they were really from Venetia or if they were just in the style of there. The man informed me that it was Venice, not Venitia. The woman next to him just laughed at my joke. The man later got it and laughed to. I thanked them and said goodbye.
The masques imported from Venitia.

NOW: here are just a few more picture without many real stories attached. enjoy please? I'll subtitle, I promise!

I Just found it strange they were selling baked potatos
A charismatic Police officer hard at work keeping Provo Free.

An UpRoarious sign for temporary tattoos hahaha, isn't it FUNNY?
Originally, I snapped this candid shot cause I thought the guys shorts were funny looking and wanted to blog about it. But much to my chagrin, his girlfriends purse matches. isn't that cute?A bearded old man.

a Flavor Fueling Station for snow cones. you can create your own!
This was a Gyro shop that looked and smelled delicious. i asked if they had a permanent shop. they don't but they come to these shows and things. I wanted to buy a delicious Gyro, but they were overpriced, even for the Freedom Festival.
He don't take no guff, Yo.
A pretty, wavy flag thing.

These weapons were all real, and really sharp. yesterday, i picked one of them up, and the effing... hilt cut me. jeez. they also sold million watt tas(z)ers. they were pink and hurt people alot. They never demonstrated... that i saw. but i can imagine. boy. Safety First at these places.

Carmel apples. with a pretty Foliage can put anything on apples and it's healthy. God bless America.
a group of patriotic ties. those are kind of a seasonal thing. even more so than Christmas ties. I'll bet they didn't sell too many today, they'd have to wait another year to wear them, sheesh. an ironically bad time to market.
All these ties were five dollars. Yumm.


I now have a victorious story. Remember those HUGE Fred Flinstone Turkey legs I mentioned earlier, well, they were marked down from the $7 they were yesterday to a mere, and very reasonable $4. so, needless to say, i bought one! When i got it, i started taking pictures of it. the dude thet was there asked me if i was from the press. i really didn't care at this point so i said " not really" he said " what do you mean" I told him it was gonna write about it, but it would't really be very widespread or marketed. he said " it doesn't matter if it's widespread, your still a member of the press" so then he made sure that i didn in fact order a water (which i did) and he dave me one from the cooler he was sitting on, which i guess is the "press cooler" because the other lady there gave somebody a warm water from a table. hmmm. Anyhow, my meat was... it looked good. i didn't taste it ill i got home. it was okay, i let my family finish it off. it actually wasn't that great, but it really looked triumphant and heroic and epic and mighty and stone-age. so, for all those reasons i came back to the freedom festival today. just to get a picture of me with a fat greasy turkey leg. i'm superficial, i know, but at least you got to enjoy it with me. Thank you.

SO that is my Provo Freedom Festival experience. thank you for sharing it with me readership.


Hannah said...

Freedom FestivAAAHHHL.

I thought it was bad enough when I saw the pictures of the nephi dolls. Then I saw the modern prophet babushka dolls and couldn't believe that they actually existed.

Are you serious? They were HUGE!

There are so many things I want to say about this post. We'll talk about it more when I get home tomorrow.

And that fred flinstone meat?!
Shut up!

mommymuse said...

I am totally annoyed that you didn't get a Nephi doll for my kids. It would have been the perfect Sacrament Meeting entertainment...on their Sundays with their dad. Now that I know such a thing exists I'm adding it to the Christmas lists. Thanks for expanding my horizons of the new depths to Mormon kitsch.

kayleigh. said...

In those delicious celebrity photos, everyone had way too big noses.
I saw your mom, dad and erynn here, and she weaved tales of your turkey leg.
Also: the swords and fun million watt tas(z)er toys booth was taylor maid... and when I stopped there, a guy tas(z)ered himself. I don't know why he did it, and then his eyes got all watery, and he fell on the grass. Then this little boy did it like 8 times, and laughed a bunch. What a scene avec joyeux indeed.