Sunday, August 28, 2011

Seriously (A.K.A. unafraid)

Seriously, I'm in love with this girl. A. Ton.
I have never felt so happy or giddy in all my life. She truly makes me want to strive to be a better person. I want to be a better person for her.
We don't make out, which is lovely. it means the emotions we have for each other are real, and not fabricated or augmented or changed or distorted or skewed by in-appropriate and extra-hormonal joob-jab.
I love that she is not afraid to be goofy. I love that she can't not be goofy. she perpetually makes me laugh.
I feel safe with her.
I feel happy and calm with her.
I feel understood.
I also feel like the Lord has his hand in this. So I am putting my faith in him and letting him guide me through this, wherever it is I may go. It says in Moroni 8:16 "Perfect Love Casteth Out All Fear." I truly feel that way. I'm not afraid to say how I feel because I am full of the most pure love I know how to feel yet. I am un-afraid of what the future brings, whatever it may be.
Many times in the past I have been terrified to say how I feel because I was afraid it might be wrong, or that I would hurt too much by saying how I truly felt, and then having it thrown away. Or I was afraid that if I said how I felt, and then the relationship didn't work out, I would be so much more hurt. . . Well not now.
Now I know that I may feel an increase in pain because of my open-ness, but I also know that because of my open-ness, I can feel an increase in Love. And I am un-afraid of the consequences, however real of fake they may be, of saying how I feel and shouting it from the highest blogspot URL.
And that is because I know several things.
one: Whatever pain I feel will be counteracted and overshadowed by the joy I feel now.
two: i know that if I'm living righteously, (or even if I'm not) the Lord with comfort me when I need it. The lord will send the comforter, the Holy Ghost, to wrap his arms around me. As it says in Isaiah 66: 13 "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you..." I can only imagine my mother wrapping her arms around me, comforting me through my pain. I love the promises the Gospel gives me. And I love that this incredible girl helps me understand them better and want to learn more. She is righteous. She helps me.
Three: If i put a wall around my heart, sure it will deflect pain coming in, which is what so many people do. But it will also keep any love from coming in. And it also keeps any love I have from going out. So these walls keep bad out, but they also keep good things (the love of others and the love of god) out. and they keep my feelings in. So i tear them down, knowing, as aforementioned, I will be comforted. John 14:18 "I will not leave you comfortless, I will comfort you" Adn the Lord will. So in return for feeling a few pinpricks of pain, I get to enlarge my love-receiving by thousands-fold. And in turn, get to increase the Love I give.
In the words of John Lennon: "The love you take is equal to the Love you make" FACT.

So, I just wanted to get that out there.