Mission

Howdy.

I'm leaving on a Mission for the LDS church tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. So I won't be posting anything clever or complainy for about two years. but letters will still be posted to the blog.

If any of you wish to contact me, please look at my facebook account, the address is right underneath my picture. OR contact my family, by way of phone, e-mail, facebook, or BLOG (that is a link to my dads blog. ask him for my info.) Thank you for reading, my devout (and under-appreciated) readership.

See you guys later

Ethan Williams


3 Ne. 18: 30-32

" 30 Nevertheless, ye shall not ^acast him out from among you, but ye shall ^bminister unto him and shall pray for him unto the Father, in my name; and if it so be that he repenteth and is baptized in my name, then shall ye receive him, and shall minister unto him of my flesh and blood.

31 But if he repent not he shall not be numbered among my people, that he may not destroy my people, for behold I ^aknow ^bmy sheep, and they are numbered.

32 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your ^asynagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall ^bheal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them."

I Took Two Pictures. Then I Messed Around With Them. Here They Are.

Señor Snail

Señor Snail : an ode.

Señor snail, I never knew you
I never saw you.
But if I did,
I wouldn't have stopped.
I feel bad saying that,
but I know it's true.
You weren't a pest,
just in the wrong place.
I was mowing my lawn.
The only way I knew
you were around
was when I heard your shell
crunch into the ground.
I'm sorry I killed you,
but it had to be done.
but lets be honest,
we've had some fun.

A 7-lb Denver Burrito

Two months ago, I visited Denver, CO. ( see THIS POST for what I didn't write about it) to go to a Decemberists concert. It was by far the best night of my life. I would gladly get poked in the face by ten thousand flaming needles if i could see ten minutes of that concert again. I took some pictures and some videos, and I'll post them here probably at the end of the blog.

It was on May 24 and we had just visited the Denver Zoo. It was bigger and better than Utah's Hogle Zoo. I knew about Jack-n-Grill, a place that had a seven pound breakfast burrito eating challenge. I wanted to take it, but I knew I wouldn't be able to best the beast by myself. I hoped to enlist Tucker's help. He agreed. My dad had been texting me the whole vacation, asking me for burrito updates and about whether or not I had eaten it yet. When he finally found out I was going up against it, he said to me "be strong be brave, make us proud" yes, my family likes food.



So we went to Jack-n-grill


As I said, Tucker agreed to brave the beast with me. Although, he seemed to be doing it more out of obligation and loyalty than excitement. It was more a favor to me. I had gone the day without eating. he tried, but broke down forty five minutes before we got to the burrito and bought two hot-dogs at the zoo. That, coupled with Tucker's already girlishly small appetite made him of little use. Also, another, bigger problem is that cup in his left hand. It was full of Mt. Dew. he filled it three times before our burrito came. He was very full already. But he was excited and optimistic nonetheless.


There is me, with the burrito. It came. It weighed 6.89 lbs. She weighed it for me cause she said it felt a little light. Well...



There we are, tucker and myself, reaching after the massive burrito-ey monstrosity. It is made eight eggs, 1 pound of cheese, 1 pound of green chili and 1 1/2 pounds of potatoes. I was on a diet before this. I lost thirty pounds. I felt justified in sealing it with this.




This is a good picture of how the first five of six minutes were. Us both, hapily eating. (although tucker only took about five bites in said five minutes)


And this is how it was the rest of the half hour. Tucker, feeling sick and not eating at all, and me, Happily consuming at breakneck speed... until i couldn't anymore.




At the end of the day, I ate about 4 1/2 pounds. Tucker, about 4 1/2 bites. and notice that in his portion, the food isn't actually eaten, just moved around a bit.




Needless to say, tucker was pooped.



And also, Hannah looked like a Vimax commercial.



NOW: we went to a Decemberists concert. Here are some pictures from it.


Colin Meloy! i want him to have my babies. we were standing so close i could smell his sweat. it was awesome.




Shara Worden (of My Brightest Diamond) was insane! she was jumoing around and just exuded this insane crazy energy that made everyone scream and jump and probably J*** in their pants.



Becky Stark (of Lavender Diamond) was amazing. She sang Margaret. and she looked the aprt perfectly. she was so so so good. but i think people were overpowered by Shara Worden so they didn't appreciate her as much as they should have.




Chris Funke... he was so real, I cried. I really did.



!!!!!!!!!!!










Efff!!!! I'd give up all of my hair to see five minutes of this show again.


Annan Water. He raised his hands, as you can tell. in the car on the way back home we listened tot he C.D. alot. and whenever it got toi this part, we'd all raise our hands like he did. except the car roof was so small it looked like we were just Heil-ing Hitler...

There are AMAZING videos, but they haven't been able to be successfully uploaded yet. pee! so someone else took videos of the same concert and put them on YouTube. So i'll post that link here. you can see tuckers head in the videos. he's the tall one in the middle-right ish.

The Drowned
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHVeLBcWcWQ

And

Annan Water
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfDVBC2Bbyc

And

Sons and Daughters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfJCudq1SU0

And finally, a freaking AMAZING cover of
Crazy on You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCRloetIZ08


Many many thanks to PIEHOLE2000 for being able to upload the videos I wasn't able to.

Anyway, all in all, that was the happiest, fullest day of my life.

Never going to fake another day.

I need to learn to let go of things. Maybe I am just too slow emotionally. I have had a good many blogs on this topic, so I won't delve into that stuff here. I just feel like I am the slowest person in the world to be able to move on. and it hurts. I feel like I am running in one direction (be it the right or wrong, i don't think it matters, or if there even is a right or wrong direction in life) but i feel like i am running, but my heart is stuck in one place. And as it is stuck, it is slowing the rest of me down. Sometimes even pulling me back. I can't wait to go on a mission because I get to completely forget about EVERYTHING outside of the Fresno area and just focus on the Lord, who is far better to focus on than anyone or anything else. Sometimes, I really get turned on by that idea, but others, like now, for instance, I find myself not wanting to let go, not wanting to forget. I suppose that is why I keep so many things from my past, I bound up everything I have ever written (except essays and things) since I was in 5th grade. It fills 6 volumes. And I can't let go of it. I guess it's because I treasure the past, and those memories are my only way to travel back to re-visit them. I try to re-visit them all again, but it never does justice. I feel heart-sick. I have never used that word before, but it was the one that came to my mind. I am heartsick and immature. I mean, intellectually, I'd say I'm rather mature, definitely. But emotionally, I think I have a huge way to go. I mean, I understand my emotions, but I am not mature enough to let go of them. I know I can, it's not that I don't have the ability to let go, it's just that I choose not to. I feel safer with those memories, regardless of how painful they may be to remember.

I always feel like I am heading in the wrong direction, no matter which way I am going. So I change direction in my life, and I feel like I am heading the wrong direction again, and want to go back to how I was before. But of course I never can. And really, I shouldn't want to. People who can talk about how openly they love and mean it. people who can speak about it with the highest amount of truth and happiness, completely blow my mind. I respect them so much. I have only know a few in my life, but I have learned so much from them. They are not afraid to love. They are not afraid to open the deepest parts of themselves up to anyone and everyone, despite the heartache and immense pain it may perhaps momentarily bring. They live life with so much enthusiasm. I want to be like that some day. I don't want to be a curmudgeon. I don't want to be an overly sarcastic person who hides their feelings away from everyone except those who they really trust. I mean, I will always be sarcastic, and I will always be more open with those I know. But I don't want to take it to an extreme. I want people to see how happy I am about life. I want people to be able to see a picture of me smiling and then smile themselves because they can see how true that smile actually is. I never want to emotionally fake my way through another day of my life. Ever. I want to be honest and happy. I want to let go and not be afraid to tell people what I feel. Tell people how much they have impacted me. Not be afraid to sound silly for saying things. Not let rejection of my open-ness close me off to the world again. I don't want to live inside my head. I want to live inside the world. I want to live with the world. I want to LOVE. I want to be truly happy. I want to feel complete happiness at least once a day. I am tired of living afraid, you know? I'm sick of it. I am tired of staying up all night, literally, thinking about past decisions, whether they were right or not, or how they affected people, or how they could have gone differently, or how I can re-live them, or how to feel what I felt again. I have felt what I felt, And i will feel it all again. But only if I live in the now. Only if i stop living through my past. I can never feel anything new if my heart is stuck in one place, because then, when it finally springs back to me, it will speed past all the emotions I could have had between where it was stuck and where I am now.

No decision in life is a bad decision. I don't mean that in a religious sense, or in a legal sense, because obviously... but I mean that in the sense that every decision I have made has been right. And if I hadn't made that specific decision, but had in fact gone a different way, that also would have been right. I learn from people I interact with. I will always be me. No-one can ever ever change that. And I will learn what I need to learn no matter what I do or where I go. If I am supposed to learn a lesson, I will learn it through someone, wherever I am in my life. And I need to realize that there are lots more people in my life I need to learn from. Lots more people that need to learn from me, and there is lots more world to love and to open up to.

It's an easy thing to say, though, or to write, rather. Writing has always been my main way of communicating my emotions. It's when I'm actually in real life that this philosophy actually comes into practice. I cannot just let myself get on a momentary emotional high, and then go to sleep and forget about it when I wake up.

I miss people., I really really do. And that isn't a bad thing. I loved those people. but I also love people now, and I cannot neglect those I love now for people who have, more-or-less left my life. I hate the term, even the idea or leaving someones life. It makes me heart-sick. The idea that someone I get to know so well can suddenly be gone, and I will never have anything to do with them again really hurts. And i think that will always hurt me because deep down I have always had a deep love for people, somewhere inside me it is there, strong. I just cannot express it in any way. Which is why I think it manifests itself so powerfully now, because I never gave myself a chance to show my love for those people I loved when they were in my life. So I have to lament their loss and remember all my love for them after they are gone, instead of showing it to them throughout my life. I don't regret having done anything I have done. I have grown from all of it. I do, however, regret how I have acted while doing those things. And that, along with showing my love openly, all the time, is what I plan to change.

I knew someone once. That's such a sad phrase, to say I knew someone once. They are now gone from my life I sadly admit. But I knew this person and when this person smiled, and actually meant it (which was 99% of the time) it just glowed. Their eyes were so pure and radiated such extreme happiness, love and Honesty. Most importantly and noticeably, honesty. Their smile just kept going and going. And I can't even think about it without smiling myself. I want to be like that person. I regret losing them from my life, but I have learned so much from them, and I knew them a relatively short amount of time. There have been a few people like this in my life, not many, but a few. And most of them I have gotten the privilege of getting to know very well. Which is why I know I want to be like them so much. It is because I have seen how happy they are and they have tried to help me be that way too. I never took the opportunity to do so when they were there helping me, but I know now that it is because I wasn't supposed to do it then. I know now that this is a lesson i needed to learn through personal pain and sorrow and by those others example, but not under their tutelage.

Like I said earlier, I just want to be that person whose smile and eyes emanate happiness, love and honesty, and who, when people think of me, they smile. So help me out. I love you.

A Few

A few new things. Look over on the sidebar, -------> just over there. I added a bundle more pictures of things I like, so you can visualize them. I'm really tired. I was planning on posting something last night, but I can't remember what it was. So, to keep you all occupied until tomorrow when I will post next, umm... I was gonna post a video to Mad World, by Alex Parks, who is Incredibly Amazing, but I can't find one without fan videos set to music, so i suppose I'll get an audio file uploaded tomorrow. See you all.