Thursday, May 28, 2009


Hiya all. Over the past couple of weeks I have started two blog posts, neither of which came to fruition. The first was gonna be a couple of short plays parodying famous plays, namely Waiting for Godot, Whos Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Rhinoceros. But then I dind't bother. The next was gonna be a post while I was on Lortab cause the doctor cut half my toenail off, but that wasn't interesting or funny or clever, plus my attention span wasn't that great, so I didn't bother. And now I was gonna post a four hour long blog about my four day trip to Denver, but no one likes to read detailed accounts of exactly what I did, every hour, for four days, So i'm not going to.

I'm gonna talk a bit about Denver, probaly, I'm also gonna talk about other stuff, I'm not sure what yet though. We call all find out together! Come along with me, and lets go on a journey. We'll discover things about orselves that we didn't know before, and we figure out where Ethan is going wth this post. Come! I'll lead you through the wild, woody wood that is the polluted, congested confused mind of his, giving helpful and humourous narration along the way. Lets all join hands and walk single file, the sun will be fast setting an we wouldn't want things to get weird. Open your eyes, smile, say hello to the person next to you, shake hands, high five, twirl around if you please, and we will depart. Step into the cars provided for you and shut the doors, wear your seatbelts if you wish, and put on the special glasses when instructed. Don't be afraid, feeling queasy is normal, we will soon be departing! But before we do, I must tell you, please don't pick anything up on the way. Also, in regard to the shining happy people you may see, floating about the trees, please don't grab at them, grope at them, or anything of the sort. Now, we will be leaving soon, so please touch yourself somewhere safe and make sure you're all still around. Touch the person next to you somewhere safe and make sure they too are still around, where they are supposed to be, make sure they haven't drifted off into some other stream of conciousness or into someone elses Guided Mind tour, for this is one adventure you all would want to be a part of. Now please, put on the special glasses provided you and we will get on our way. We will go on this adventure together, holding hands, walking single file, in the cars provided us, holding hands and twirling if we please, wearing seatbelts if we wish and not groping the shining happy people. Now, if we are all ready, let us depart. Depart from this place we all seem to be stuck in, and lets move. move on to bigger, things, better things, happier things, to more exciting things, more elaborate things, less congested things, less confusing things, more sedated things, less elated things. Lets all close our minds to the far away fires and focus solely on how the ripped plastic seat feels on our thighs. do you smell the aroma of Neo-daoism? if not, please try harder. rub your feet sideways across the ribbed rubber floormat and feel the vibrations through your body. Feel them entering your bloodlines, feel the powerlines. Now take the complimentary scissors provided you and snip a sensible sized piece of hair from the head or body of the person next to you. Let their essence dissolve into you. Absorb them. Become them. wear their clothes. Date their girlfirends, kiss thier kids and feel them. Above each of you hangs a small glowing orb, do not touch it. Smile and wave, try to behave. Lets all now remove our glasses and step out of the cars, please put your pants back on, and don't look at your neighbor. Hold the velvet rope ahead of you and follow the line to the twinkling stars. Please don't spin, don't twirl, don't shake, don't hold. If you will, just walk silently, in a disjointed line, back to civilization. Beware of low-hanging branches. And I appreciate your time accompanying me on this discovery. I hope you all have enjoyed the trip and please don't forget to sign the gestbook thats sitting in the tin box at the end of the trail.


Erika said...

This seriously reminded me of the boat part in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...just not quite as frightening...ish.

Jacob and Elise said...

I think the frightening factor depended on who you were sitting next to... and who their girlfriend is :)

Anonymous said...

I realize now why I didn't leave a comment before when I read this the first time. It makes me dizzy. And confused. I shall go take a nap now.

Hannah said... never told us to put our glasses on, and now we're taking them off?

Still, though. That was a fun trip.