Saturday, August 16, 2008

Post Op

Post Op, Post Op, give me your answer true.I'm half cray-zee all for the love of you! it won't be a fancy marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet, upon the seat of a bicycle built for Twoooo.

Yes ma'am. i just had surgery today. it went well i assume. I mean, i'm alive and my pain med's are working, so i can only assume it went well. I was patient No. 24601... just kidding. my barcode number was actually 46153110. yeah. just FYI... I. i may not have been supposed to disclose that information but do you know what? I don't care.

I went in at 8:15 a.m. i got operated in at about eleven fifteen. and i left the hospital at about two thirty. yeah. first, i was in a waiting area. Holding Cell No. 6 it was called. my pre-op nurse was called Olivia. she was very nice and funny and energetic. the first thing was that she told me i had to get naked then put on a robe that tied in the back. then put on these little booties, you know, the kind that babies wear, those little booties, you know. then, she asked me what my sugery was called, and i told her it was a righ Hydrocelectomy. she made a ding ding ding noise and told me i won. what she was looking for especially was the "right" part. a right Hydrocelectomy. so my prize was surgery. she did some other stuff too. but i don't remember it all. her nametage picture was all faded and she looked like some sort of 6 year old's Photoshop Experiment. but she laughedit off like a true american. I'm so groggy right now. I'm tired and so i'm gonna go to Bedtime. but i'll finish this post on the morrow.

The Morrow has arrived, and i'm lightheaded. and dizzy. and... my tummy hurts kind of. but i'm probably just hungry.

So i just finished watching So i Married an Axe Murderer with Erika. she hadn't seen it before. and i am feeling extra-special queazy right now. like really sick. but i think it's cause i haven't eaten today. except for an eskimo pie earlier today.

Anyway, back to the surgery. Olivia also shot me with a teeny little needle to numb me for my I.V. then she gave me a red marker and told me i needed to write "yes" next to my right ... guy with red marker. she said that she knew i thought she was kdding, but she wasn't. so i did it as she looked away. then, after i was properly marked and I.V.ed, she left, brought me a few pillows and then left again. Then, at about ten thirty, Dr. Platt, my surgeon, came in to my holding cell No. 6 and told me about the procedure. then said i wasn't next in line, but there was one person ahead of me. mhmm. after he left, i asked my mom ...
I just fell asleep again. um... on with the story
My mom, i asked her if the Anesthesiologist would have to poke another hole in my for the sleepytime potion to go in, cause that was the only thing i was even slightly nervous about, getting another I.V. in me. she said no, thats what all the extra holes on the first I.V. were for. I was so happy. Later on then, my dad discovered these papers. on one side they said wow, on the other side, they said Oops. patients are encouraged to fill them out if they have outstanding nurse-service, you know, Bedside manner. so my dad filled out the WOW side about Olivia, and then i took it from him and on the OOPS side, wrote :" my I.V. got switched with a catheter bag!" then i wrote just kidding afterwards, but i still thought it was a funny joke.

At about eleven fifteen, i got wheeled into a seperate waiting room with a few other folks. i then was given a blue bonnet to wear. then 5 different nurses asked me, on five different occasions, all very urgently, what my name was, what my birthday was, and then what my operation was. i don't know why. The Anesthesiologist came and asked me what my name was. i told him, and then just to save time i also told him my birthday. He didn't need to know that, it turns out. i guess those nurses just think it's fun to see how many times they can urgently ask a patient useless information. maybe to see how concious they are? i dunno. anyway, the Anesthesiologist then made sure i had written a YES on my right, well, on the proper side of my guy, for the surgery. i had. then the Surgeon came and he made a nother mark. Olivia said it was cause they wanted to make sure they operated on the proper side. and scary as it is to believe, i think she was serious. so i say the more marks on my guys, the better. The sleepytime Drug Man gave me two shots worth of Anesthesia juice. i got drowsy, but no asleep. then i was wheeled into the Operating room. it was really cold, and dark. and all these youthfull looking and sounding nurses (men and women) were talking and laughing in there, which made me uneasy. they kept making jokes about how i wouldn't remember any of them. that this room was the 'forgotten room' and that if this nurse called Meagan came to check on me later, i'd say :"who are you" and she woulld just laugh. Well, this all made me very uneasy. and this was the only point i wanted to back out, because I could hear all them, and i knew i would remember them, and if i wasn't knocked out by now, i probably wouldn't be by the time Dr. Platt cut me. so i was scared. but then, i got a mask put on me and i was told to breathe. i breathed three times then i was out.

I woke up once after it was done, a nurse made me drink, then i wanted to go back to sleep, but i was being wheeled to another room, where my parents were. i didn't fall asleep there. i was given oreos and these other, delicious shortbread cookies. and i usually hate shortbread cookies. the nurse here i originally thought was mean, but she turned out to be nice. her youngest son, 28 yrs old, 6'0", 175lbs can't eat. he is fed trhough an I.V directly into his bloodstream every night. but he can be a "social eater" Get IT! like a social drinkier, but eater! He had all of his large intestines removed and a little more than half of his little intestines removed. he doesn't need them. and he feels better now after that surgery. but he refused to take pain pills for it. he finally accepted the perscription, but he just defiantly wrinled up the paper and said " but i won't fill it" So THERE! haha take that doctors. anyway. The nurse said i had a long 5 inch rubber tube flowing out of a cut in my operation area, to drain alot of the excess fluid. and that tomorrow at about eleven i should shower quickly and gently and remove it. well. It is now 4: 02 p.m. the next day and i am still draining alot of fluid, so i'm not gonna take it out just yet.

I did discover however, that they left something on me, some weird, thing. still attached tight. it poked out and everything.

Erika said it remimded her of the matrix. but basically it's this metal button attached to my side. Yeah, i know. malpractice suit. it is weird and hard and makes me wonder what they did use it for.
Anyway that's my groggy recollection of my surgery day.

I also watched FARGO with Erika last night. it was good. i think i might make a poll and ask if you guys want to me writ emovie reviews too. okay, i'll do that. so, look for the new poll on the upper left side of my blog, and plese fill it out, please.

Thank you all for dealing with this riddiculous, graphic post. Oh! and for Wendy, just by the way. this post is probably about a PG-13. so, just be careful.

1 comment:

Hannah said...

Hee hee hee.

Is that little tubey thingy still sitting on your floor.