Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Repost of Happening: TFund Edit
We call all find out together! Come along with me, and lets go on a journey. We'll discover things about ourselves that we didn't know before, and we figure out where the authore is going with this post. Come! I'll lead you through the wild, woody wood that is the polluted, congested confused mind of his, giving helpful and humorous narration along the way. Lets all join hands and walk single file, the sun will be fast setting an we wouldn't want things to get weird. Open your eyes, smile, say hello to the person next to you, shake hands, high five, twirl around if you please, and we will depart. Step into the cars provided for you and shut the doors, wear your seat belts if you wish, and put on the special glasses when instructed. Don't be afraid, feeling queasy is normal, we will soon be departing! But before we do, I must tell you, please don't pick anything up on the way. Also, in regard to the shining happy people you may see, floating about the trees, please don't grab at them, grope at them, or anything of the sort. Now, we will be leaving soon, so please touch yourself somewhere safe and make sure you're all still around. Touch the person next to you somewhere safe and make sure they too are still around, where they are supposed to be, make sure they haven't drifted off into some other stream of consciousness or into someone else's Guided Mind tour, for this is one adventure you all would want to be a part of. Now please, put on the special glasses provided you and we will get on our way. We will go on this adventure together, holding hands, walking single file, in the cars provided us, holding hands and twirling if we please, wearing seat belts if we wish and not groping the shining happy people. Now, if we are all ready, let us depart. Depart from this place we all seem to be stuck in, and lets move. move on to bigger, things, better things, happier things, to more exciting things, more elaborate things, less congested things, less confusing things, more sedated things, less elated things. Lets all close our minds to the far away fires and focus solely on how the ripped plastic seat feels on our thighs. do you smell the aroma of Neo-Daoism? if not, please try harder. rub your feet sideways across the ribbed rubber floor-mat and feel the vibrations through your body. Feel them entering your bloodlines, feel the power-lines Now take the complimentary scissors provided you and snip a sensible sized piece of hair from the head or body of the person next to you. Let their essence dissolve into you. Absorb them. Become them. wear their clothes. Date their girlfriends kiss their kids and feel them. Above each of you hangs a small glowing orb, do not touch it. Smile and wave, try to behave. Lets all now remove our glasses and step out of the cars, please put your pants back on, and don't look at your neighbor. Hold the velvet rope ahead of you and follow the line to the twinkling stars. Please don't spin, don't twirl, don't shake, don't hold. If you will, just walk silently, in a disjointed line, back to civilization. Beware of low-hanging branches. And I appreciate your time accompanying me on this discovery. I hope you all have enjoyed the trip and please don't forget to sign the guestbook that's sitting in the tin box at the end of the trail.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Sit-Down Stand-Up
Stand-up comedy is described as such because the comic is standing up when he delivers it. Well, I've been thinking alot since I talked with Callie Peterborg about BYU's stand-up comedy HumorU and though I might give it a shot, but because I can't stand up and deliver it to you, I'll do it while sitting down at my computer:
Well, I actually am on vacation right now. I'm in San Francisco. In every travel group, there is always the person who doesn't want to seem like a tourist. Like their identity will be discovered by the locals. They never want you to take pictures, like you try to take one and they say something snide like "yeah, that's not touristy" or "why don't you just hop on a tour bus?!" But even if you are on a tour bus, where everyone else around you is Japanese with a big ol' Nikon hanging around their neck, this person still wants to look like he's not a tourist , like "yeah, no this is how I get to work everyday. I'ts just more scenic, you know?" Like there are other locals on there too checking him out: "oh, look at him! he's a tourist? I though he was one of us until I saw him with those folks with the cameras. jeeze, how pathetic." As if the fact that he is standing in the middle of the Haight-Ashbury intersection in a flannel shirt and Birkenstock sandals with socks and a camera around his neck doesn't give him away.
And of course you got the guy who thinks he's a local, right? he knows all the good spots to go,and all the places the local go and the tourist don't know about: "this is real Disneyland, man. tourists hang out in Adventureland and New Orleans square, but dude, critter Country is where all the locals come." You all know this guy. He's usually the one who has been there once before on a school trip or a vacation with his family when he was a kid, but is actually just really good at navigating yelp.com.
And then there is the person who tries to justify their picture taking. they try to preempt the sarcastic remark the guy who wants to be local will throw their way. So as they take a picture of a street vendor, they justify it with "This is for Larry... he loves hotdogs" as if Larry will ever even see the picture. as if they will ever see the picture besides right after they take it and pass it around for everyone to see. They'll put it on a computer somewhere, in a temporary folder, just till they get their folders organized. Or even if they are the kind of person that meticulously catalogs everything on their computer (I am), who ever sits down at a computer and says "you know what, forget facebook today. I had a really good time in Chicago 4 years ago. I really want to re-live it. Lets open up those pictures. Heck, maybe I can invite Larry over. I think I got a picture of a hotdog vender in there somewhere for him. He loves hotdogs.... "
and speaking of facebook, I think that the more facebook friends you have, the less actual friends you really have.
-- Okay, so I'm single. Not bitter or anything, but being single here at BYU can be rough sometimes. Sometimes when I see a happy couple walking down the sidewalk holding hands, I just want to red-rover them. "Red-rover red-rover send REALITY right over!!" ... like I said though, not bitter.
-- There has been so much road construction lately. Like that intersection by Wal-Mart and UVU, or ...every freeway on and off ramp in the state simultaneously?! I know that is what our tax money is going to, but why? I mean, I can still get to salt lake in 45 minutes, why pay millions of our dollars to cut it down to 42? But thank goodness they changed around that UVU-Walmart intersection! I mean, they created 5 smaller, temporary intersections made with roadcones that would change around every couple of weeks and back traffic up like crazy. But thank goodness they did it, cause now, I can finally turn left into Wal-Mart and right into UVU and go straight onto the freeway and... wait, hang on a second, I could do all of those things before! I honestly would be more willing to pay taxes if the tax money used for construction just got pocketed by the government and they left the roads alone. That way they get more money and I get to keep my roads that already work. I mean, as long as I can drive on it, it's fine, I promise. Everybody wins.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Before There was Verbal Vomit (p. II)
Howdy. I found a few more of my friend Hannah's drawings. She is the author of Verbal-vomit.com. I recently found some more of her drawings from when we were in high-school and early college. I've posted a few before, which can be found HERE. But for now, here are the new ones I've found:
So there you go!! Pure Magic!
Un-knowingly creepy
So Today at work, something unwittingly -but not unnoticeably- creepy happened. We have devotionals before the shifts, and on this particular shift, one of the workers was still on the phone with someone, so we had to be quiet. Normally we clap and yell out answers to questions and are mildly-to-moderately boisterous. But this time we couldn't be, which was fine, it happens. However, today we were celebrating three people's birthdays, and we always sing to the birthday folks, so we brought them up to the front and started to sing... only we didn't sing. No no. we all whispered as loud as we could the song "Happy Birthday" Ever seen 'Children of the Corn'? it was kind of like that. Such an innocent song, turned so terribly unnerving. So there we were, a room of 40 people all whisper-shouting "Happy Birthday."
I don't think leadership will choose to do that again.
So Happy Birthday.
I don't think leadership will choose to do that again.
So Happy Birthday.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Keep the sickies away
A friend of mine was worried about getting sick before a singing audition. I gave her some sage advice, Albeit too late for her audition, but not too late to be universally applicable and helpful to you. here is what I said:
I know it's too late, but for future reference, a great trick to keep the sickies away is to find an old monkey wrench and soak it in warm water, then when you go to sleep let it rest on your neck. The old, outer layers of the metal will soak in to your skin and help boost your sick-fighting powers. then the next morning, Put the Monkey Wrench it a cup of water and let it sit and soak, then take a hot shower with four planters pots full of wither Geraniums or Gerber Daisies (either will do). As the hot water hits them, it will open up their aromatic pores and then the steam will transfer their healing powers right into your nasal passages and also straight into your skin. Following the shower, they say you'd be wise to call up someone who you don't talk to anymore but wrote their number in your high-school yearbook, ask that person what they do to cure sicknesses, and they will tell you the right thing to do. After you get the advice, follow it to the letter. Then you should switch your socks and wear wool ones instead (it insulates your body, keeping it warm and ready to protect itself against sickies. Wear a raincoat made out of a garbage bag everywhere you go, especially outside. this will not only insulate your body and keep it warm, but it will protect you from any surprise rain attacks that could leave you with the chills (a condition conducive to getting sick) and it also protects against unwanted birdy doo. That stuff contains germs that are bad. Now, take the monkey wrench water from earlier that morning and take the wrench out, give it away to your neighbor who is working on a car (Karma always comes around in he healing process) and then drink the water that it was bathing in. Any metal that was un-used in the absorption on your neck the night before will now be ingested and you will have the full power of the monkey wrench harnessed in your healing efforts. Finally, Get on Facebook or http:// Fitofpostmodernjoy.blogspot .com/ and thank me for this wonderful, sage advice. If you follow these steps precisely, you WILL NOT get sick. And you can't say it doesn't work unless you've tried it!
I know it's too late, but for future reference, a great trick to keep the sickies away is to find an old monkey wrench and soak it in warm water, then when you go to sleep let it rest on your neck. The old, outer layers of the metal will soak in to your skin and help boost your sick-fighting powers. then the next morning, Put the Monkey Wrench it a cup of water and let it sit and soak, then take a hot shower with four planters pots full of wither Geraniums or Gerber Daisies (either will do). As the hot water hits them, it will open up their aromatic pores and then the steam will transfer their healing powers right into your nasal passages and also straight into your skin. Following the shower, they say you'd be wise to call up someone who you don't talk to anymore but wrote their number in your high-school yearbook, ask that person what they do to cure sicknesses, and they will tell you the right thing to do. After you get the advice, follow it to the letter. Then you should switch your socks and wear wool ones instead (it insulates your body, keeping it warm and ready to protect itself against sickies. Wear a raincoat made out of a garbage bag everywhere you go, especially outside. this will not only insulate your body and keep it warm, but it will protect you from any surprise rain attacks that could leave you with the chills (a condition conducive to getting sick) and it also protects against unwanted birdy doo. That stuff contains germs that are bad. Now, take the monkey wrench water from earlier that morning and take the wrench out, give it away to your neighbor who is working on a car (Karma always comes around in he healing process) and then drink the water that it was bathing in. Any metal that was un-used in the absorption on your neck the night before will now be ingested and you will have the full power of the monkey wrench harnessed in your healing efforts. Finally, Get on Facebook or http://
Friday, February 3, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Green and Yellow Melancholy
The first scene of a play I started over two years ago. Thought I'd post it here, if anyone reads this.
GREEN AND YELLOW MELANCHOLY
Scene 1
Outdoors. A garden with some trees
around. Or maybe it's in... No, I
like a garden with trees. It's a
garden with trees. Lights come up,
soft. There is a bench. Next to the
bench, a Woman, ELAINE, in early
twenties is kneeling, wearing a
white dress, knee length or a
little shorter, and has a white
parasol next to her, unopened. she
has been crying, but she's over it
now. she speaks softly, gently,
carefully. Sincerely.
Enter a Man, PAUL, in early
twenties wearing a collared shirt
underneath a sweater. He is well
trimmed ans sincere.
PAUL
Hi.
ELAINE
looking up at him
Hi.
PAUL
I thought you had left.
ELAINE
nope. still here.
PAUL
yeah, I see that.
ELAINE
I mean, nothing against your party. I just needed air, you
know
PAUL
it looks like you needed more than just air.
ELAINE
I guess
PAUL
are you okay?
ELAINE
Yes.
PAUL
really?
ELAINE
yeah, I'm fine. I guess my heads just not with me today.
PAUL
I think I know how that is. But how do you mean?
ELAINE
what do you mean?
PAUL
I just mean what is up? why are you feeling so bad
ELAINE
Paul, you should get back to your party. people will miss
you
PAUL
no, they're mingling. and people miss you. You're gorgeous
tonight. I mean, that's not why people... you know, it's
just... separate thought.
ELAINE
Thank you. I'm sorry if I'm attracting attention. that's not
why I'm out here.
PAUL
Oh, I know that. You're not
ELAINE
you said people were missing me
PAUL
well, they are, but I meant, mostly, that I was. I didn't
know where you went. I thought you left. But Jacquie said
she gave you a ride. And she was still around. so I thought
I'd come look for you. are you okay?
ELAINE
yeah. I'm fine. thanks for coming all the way out here. you
really didn't have to.
PAUL
Oh, I'm sorry, if you were trying to be alone or away from
people for a while, I understand. I'm sorry. I just wanted
to see how you were doing.
ELAINE
Oh, no, it's fine. Thanks. I guess I just needed to think
for a bit. My heads been kind of not with the rest of me
today.
PAUL
yeah. Is it... what?
ELAINE
oh, I don't know. Memories I guess.
PAUL
ah. I understand. That happens to me a lot. I'm not sure if
it's exactly the same thing, but I remember something, like
one little part of a memory. One with a lot of emotional
involvement, and I just latch on to it for the next couple
of days, sometimes weeks. And it can keep me up all night,
prompts 3 a.m. drives to nowhere, just trying to enhance the
memory. Enhance or get it to leave. I don't care which. Or,
at least, that's what I tell myself. That i don't care
whether it stays or goes, just so long as it doesn't stay
the same. But I know, honestly, that I'd much rather have
the feeling, the memory, the pain, usually, regret, than
live without it. Have it grow inside me that lose it. I
don't know if that's at all what your feeling, but that's
how I feel sometimes. I guess it's cause it's just so hard
for me to feel anything that when something finally does
come around, albeit sad, I just latch on to it.
ELAINE
Yeah, thats exactly what this is actually. that's so weird.
PAUL
well, I mean, that's just how I feel. You don't have to say
that. but if some part of it realtes, I'd like you to know
about it so you can talk to me. I understand at least a
little, you know?
ELAINE
no, I was serious, that really is how i'm feeling.
PAUL
really?
ELAINE
yeah.
PAUL
Have you ever read Twelfth Night?
ELAINE
yes.
PAUL
I don't know much about Shakespeare, but this one part of
that one sow always struck me. it's when Viola, I think
that's her name, when she is sitting talking to the count. I
dunno, that part isn't important. It's what she says. She
says "She pined in thought, and with a green and yellow
melancholy she sat like patience on a monument, Smiling at
grief. Was not this love, indeed" And I guess I bring this
up because, well, one, I think Shakespeare would have been a
great prose writer, with descriptions like that. But two,
that's what I thought of when I was walking out here. when I
saw you. that's exactly what I thought of.
ELAINE
wow, thats...
PAUL
I saw you and I immediately knew what you felt like. I knew
the deep pain you must have been feeling. it waas palpable
to me. And i knew "this was love indeed"... you know. what
you were feeling. How you felt could only be... well, you
know.
ELAINE
... I... That describes it perfectly. I mean, I wasn't
exactly smiling at grief, at the loss love, but like you
said, better pain than nothing.
PAUL
yeah. that's kind of how I feel. I'm sorry, was that
overstepping a lot of lines, I'm sorry. I just, I dunno,
thats just exactly what I thought of. I knew that was the
image in Shakespeares mind when he wrote that. You, at that
moment.
ELAINE
well... I don't know what to say right now. Thank you Paul.
PAUL
You're welcome Elaine. Really, I'm here if you need me.
ELAINE
thank you
PAUL
do you need to stay out here for a little longer?
ELAINE
Yeah, i think so
PAUL
okay. well hey, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. If you
need to talk, come in and get me. I'll come right out and
talk, okay?
ELAINE
yeah, okay, thanks.
PAUL
it's nothing. really. take your time. feel better. Okay
Elaine?
ELAINE
hey, Thanks Paul. Alot. That really helped.
PAUL
I'm glad. I really am... I'll just be right inside, near the
door, okay. I'd love to talk some more, if you want.
ELAINE
yes! yes, I'd love to. you help me. i feel, just, I don't
know, calm? safe? Understood. i think that's it. I feel
understood around you. Important. can we talk again?
PAUL
of course.
ELAINE
okay. I;m gonna sit out here for a bit more, smile at grief
with my green and yellow melancholy. but I'll need to talk
to you some more. I just need to wallow a bit more first
PAUL
i completely understand. Okay.
ELAINE
'kay
PAUL
I'll see you in a bit then
ELAINE
yes.
PAUL
kay
ELAINE
alright
PAUL
kay, bye.
ELAINE
bye... Thanks again.
GREEN AND YELLOW MELANCHOLY
Scene 1
Outdoors. A garden with some trees
around. Or maybe it's in... No, I
like a garden with trees. It's a
garden with trees. Lights come up,
soft. There is a bench. Next to the
bench, a Woman, ELAINE, in early
twenties is kneeling, wearing a
white dress, knee length or a
little shorter, and has a white
parasol next to her, unopened. she
has been crying, but she's over it
now. she speaks softly, gently,
carefully. Sincerely.
Enter a Man, PAUL, in early
twenties wearing a collared shirt
underneath a sweater. He is well
trimmed ans sincere.
PAUL
Hi.
ELAINE
looking up at him
Hi.
PAUL
I thought you had left.
ELAINE
nope. still here.
PAUL
yeah, I see that.
ELAINE
I mean, nothing against your party. I just needed air, you
know
PAUL
it looks like you needed more than just air.
ELAINE
I guess
PAUL
are you okay?
ELAINE
Yes.
PAUL
really?
ELAINE
yeah, I'm fine. I guess my heads just not with me today.
PAUL
I think I know how that is. But how do you mean?
ELAINE
what do you mean?
PAUL
I just mean what is up? why are you feeling so bad
ELAINE
Paul, you should get back to your party. people will miss
you
PAUL
no, they're mingling. and people miss you. You're gorgeous
tonight. I mean, that's not why people... you know, it's
just... separate thought.
ELAINE
Thank you. I'm sorry if I'm attracting attention. that's not
why I'm out here.
PAUL
Oh, I know that. You're not
ELAINE
you said people were missing me
PAUL
well, they are, but I meant, mostly, that I was. I didn't
know where you went. I thought you left. But Jacquie said
she gave you a ride. And she was still around. so I thought
I'd come look for you. are you okay?
ELAINE
yeah. I'm fine. thanks for coming all the way out here. you
really didn't have to.
PAUL
Oh, I'm sorry, if you were trying to be alone or away from
people for a while, I understand. I'm sorry. I just wanted
to see how you were doing.
ELAINE
Oh, no, it's fine. Thanks. I guess I just needed to think
for a bit. My heads been kind of not with the rest of me
today.
PAUL
yeah. Is it... what?
ELAINE
oh, I don't know. Memories I guess.
PAUL
ah. I understand. That happens to me a lot. I'm not sure if
it's exactly the same thing, but I remember something, like
one little part of a memory. One with a lot of emotional
involvement, and I just latch on to it for the next couple
of days, sometimes weeks. And it can keep me up all night,
prompts 3 a.m. drives to nowhere, just trying to enhance the
memory. Enhance or get it to leave. I don't care which. Or,
at least, that's what I tell myself. That i don't care
whether it stays or goes, just so long as it doesn't stay
the same. But I know, honestly, that I'd much rather have
the feeling, the memory, the pain, usually, regret, than
live without it. Have it grow inside me that lose it. I
don't know if that's at all what your feeling, but that's
how I feel sometimes. I guess it's cause it's just so hard
for me to feel anything that when something finally does
come around, albeit sad, I just latch on to it.
ELAINE
Yeah, thats exactly what this is actually. that's so weird.
PAUL
well, I mean, that's just how I feel. You don't have to say
that. but if some part of it realtes, I'd like you to know
about it so you can talk to me. I understand at least a
little, you know?
ELAINE
no, I was serious, that really is how i'm feeling.
PAUL
really?
ELAINE
yeah.
PAUL
Have you ever read Twelfth Night?
ELAINE
yes.
PAUL
I don't know much about Shakespeare, but this one part of
that one sow always struck me. it's when Viola, I think
that's her name, when she is sitting talking to the count. I
dunno, that part isn't important. It's what she says. She
says "She pined in thought, and with a green and yellow
melancholy she sat like patience on a monument, Smiling at
grief. Was not this love, indeed" And I guess I bring this
up because, well, one, I think Shakespeare would have been a
great prose writer, with descriptions like that. But two,
that's what I thought of when I was walking out here. when I
saw you. that's exactly what I thought of.
ELAINE
wow, thats...
PAUL
I saw you and I immediately knew what you felt like. I knew
the deep pain you must have been feeling. it waas palpable
to me. And i knew "this was love indeed"... you know. what
you were feeling. How you felt could only be... well, you
know.
ELAINE
... I... That describes it perfectly. I mean, I wasn't
exactly smiling at grief, at the loss love, but like you
said, better pain than nothing.
PAUL
yeah. that's kind of how I feel. I'm sorry, was that
overstepping a lot of lines, I'm sorry. I just, I dunno,
thats just exactly what I thought of. I knew that was the
image in Shakespeares mind when he wrote that. You, at that
moment.
ELAINE
well... I don't know what to say right now. Thank you Paul.
PAUL
You're welcome Elaine. Really, I'm here if you need me.
ELAINE
thank you
PAUL
do you need to stay out here for a little longer?
ELAINE
Yeah, i think so
PAUL
okay. well hey, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. If you
need to talk, come in and get me. I'll come right out and
talk, okay?
ELAINE
yeah, okay, thanks.
PAUL
it's nothing. really. take your time. feel better. Okay
Elaine?
ELAINE
hey, Thanks Paul. Alot. That really helped.
PAUL
I'm glad. I really am... I'll just be right inside, near the
door, okay. I'd love to talk some more, if you want.
ELAINE
yes! yes, I'd love to. you help me. i feel, just, I don't
know, calm? safe? Understood. i think that's it. I feel
understood around you. Important. can we talk again?
PAUL
of course.
ELAINE
okay. I;m gonna sit out here for a bit more, smile at grief
with my green and yellow melancholy. but I'll need to talk
to you some more. I just need to wallow a bit more first
PAUL
i completely understand. Okay.
ELAINE
'kay
PAUL
I'll see you in a bit then
ELAINE
yes.
PAUL
kay
ELAINE
alright
PAUL
kay, bye.
ELAINE
bye... Thanks again.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Game p.1
Lets play a game. It's called "Name That Movie" I will list fifteen quotes from movies, and you tell me what movies they are from. using Google.com is cheating. Okay, here we go:
1: "Hey look, I found waldo!"
"Really?"
"Psych!"
2: "...and with the way america's court system is congested these days it would take months to convict him of anything. So I took matters into my own hands and dumped the Triampathol into the meat supply and let ________ be a victim of it's own foul play. Heh"
3: "I've... got a plan"
"you've '...Got a plan'? You, who is practically incapable of any human thought that isn't trivial, oh come on now ____ this is serious!"
4: "This sash was a gift to me from the queen of America"
5: "My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we port into Cuba to re-supply, God willing you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives."
6: "Zatarra. sounds fearsome"
"it means 'driftwood' "
7: "my fellow nerds and I will retire to the 'nerdery' with our calculators. we should have something for you by... this afternoon."
8: "I wouldn't dream of depriving you of your moment of triumph! alas, a moment is all I could spare."
9: "This little revolution of yours is monstrous intolerable"
10: "We shall execute our king instead, and exalt our tailors"
"More's the pity. Then no one shall rule the land , and no one shall make the clothes. So much for French fashion... And French politics. What is that you Frenchies say? Too-shay? you see, I'm a bit of a poet, and you did not know it, wha?"
11: "Mr. McQuinn, my parents are sealed in a biosphere in Arizona. The Biosphere, it's a big bubble thing in the desert, lots of plants and animals, nobody's allowed in or out."
12: "Paaaaaaaatrick, baby boy"
13: "Who are you?"
"I'm your new friend Sam!"
14: "You're a cop, Kenny?"
"Yeah man, I couldn't think of anything better to do."
"last time I saw you you were doing coke lines off a urinal."
"la-la-la."
15: " Rayon."
"Mm."
"Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have..."
"Would have burned it. "
"Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it. "
1: "Hey look, I found waldo!"
"Really?"
"Psych!"
2: "...and with the way america's court system is congested these days it would take months to convict him of anything. So I took matters into my own hands and dumped the Triampathol into the meat supply and let ________ be a victim of it's own foul play. Heh"
3: "I've... got a plan"
"you've '...Got a plan'? You, who is practically incapable of any human thought that isn't trivial, oh come on now ____ this is serious!"
4: "This sash was a gift to me from the queen of America"
5: "My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we port into Cuba to re-supply, God willing you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives."
6: "Zatarra. sounds fearsome"
"it means 'driftwood' "
7: "my fellow nerds and I will retire to the 'nerdery' with our calculators. we should have something for you by... this afternoon."
8: "I wouldn't dream of depriving you of your moment of triumph! alas, a moment is all I could spare."
9: "This little revolution of yours is monstrous intolerable"
10: "We shall execute our king instead, and exalt our tailors"
"More's the pity. Then no one shall rule the land , and no one shall make the clothes. So much for French fashion... And French politics. What is that you Frenchies say? Too-shay? you see, I'm a bit of a poet, and you did not know it, wha?"
11: "Mr. McQuinn, my parents are sealed in a biosphere in Arizona. The Biosphere, it's a big bubble thing in the desert, lots of plants and animals, nobody's allowed in or out."
12: "Paaaaaaaatrick, baby boy"
13: "Who are you?"
"I'm your new friend Sam!"
14: "You're a cop, Kenny?"
"Yeah man, I couldn't think of anything better to do."
"last time I saw you you were doing coke lines off a urinal."
"la-la-la."
15: " Rayon."
"Mm."
"Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have..."
"Would have burned it. "
"Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it. "
================================================
ALRIGHT! That's it!
Comment and tell me as many as you can. The one who can name the most wins a prize.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
A disconnect?
Yes, I agree. I've realized that no matter how many numbers I have next to the word "Friends" on Facebook, I still don't end up with any additional people asking me to do stuff or calling me up to see how I'm doing. I sense a disconnect here... It's almost like those numbers aren't real.
Huh! Who knew?
Huh! Who knew?
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Red Dictionary Dots
Red Dictionary Dots
a poem by Ethan Williams
The dots on the dictionaries
Were put there by visionaries
Whose brains were wont to explode
They'd study too much
Their blood vessels and such
Would start to overload
If they didn't, however,
They'd cease to be clever
And their minds would begin to erode
And so they would read
Their knowledge to feed
And their smarts, oh boy, they showed
But it was sad to discover
Time after another
The same sad scene to unfold
Their veins would start popping
And the kids would be mopping
The floor up from all their crud
In got in their nooks
And on all their books
And got dirty and hard like mud
But it's helpful to know
That the speckles that show
Are actually their blood.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Three Things:
Thing Two: How on earth do people keep their headphones in their pockets without them getting tangled and taking months to untangle?! I don't know how they do it.
Thing Three: Sometimeds when I see a happy couple holding hands on campus or in Target I want to Red-Rover them. (thing three point five: what is a red rover?)
The End.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Where's Waldo (Quantum Style!)
Where's Waldo: One of the great books of our time, a book which poses and even greater question. Where exactly is Waldo (or Wally, if you're from 'cross the pond)
Well, many may say simply "There he is!" and point to him. after all, we can see him right there, Za Waldo! However, the mere fact that you are looking at him changes the probability that he is in fact there. He may or may not have been there a moment ago, and truly he may not even be there now.
Well we could could sum it up as "Waldo is in Waldo-Land". and while that would be so very nice and easy to believe, it is not the case. There is a standing probability of where he might be, and that probability increases as we get to Waldo-land. But that is only if we set Waldo-land as the nucleus of the orbitals (be they S, P, D, F, or otherwise). But as the size of the probability decreases, the number of possible Waldos to find increases drastically. So while there may be alot more of them to find as we decrease in probability, there is, in reality, less of a chance of finding any of them. But, in reality, there is an equal chance he is in Waldo-land as he is in any other place... that is, until you look at him. However, once you see him and know precisely where he happened to end up, you know absolutely nothing about how he got there or how fast he arrived... wherever "there" may be, whether it happened to be on a Waldonian orbital or otherwise.
"well now see here" you may say "what if I saw him leave, what if I saw him go a certain direction? shouldn't I know where he will end up" Well friend, you should, but you won't. As the knowledge you have of where is is currently increases the knowledge you have of where he will end up dramatically decreases. And as you watch him drive away in his car, don't look at his speedometer, whatever you do! As you know how fast he is moving you then lose any information you could have gained about where he will end up.
Is it any wonder those darned books were so hard as kids!
You know, Schrodinger once accidentally left waldo in a box...
Oh! There he is, that pesky little guy! ... Never mind then, all this, he was just behind that lady's ear...
P.S. For more Quantum Fun, check out the cartoon I drew in my Oodles of Doodles Page on the toolbar above.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Classic Post from the Archive: May 28 2009 (Happening)
A post from May 28 2009, enjoy it again. Inhale deeply its splendor.
I'm gonna talk a bit about Denver, probaly, I'm also gonna talk about other stuff, I'm not sure what yet though. We call all find out together! Come along with me, and lets go on a journey. We'll discover things about orselves that we didn't know before, and we figure out where Ethan is going wth this post. Come! I'll lead you through the wild, woody wood that is the polluted, congested confused mind of his, giving helpful and humourous narration along the way. Lets all join hands and walk single file, the sun will be fast setting an we wouldn't want things to get weird. Open your eyes, smile, say hello to the person next to you, shake hands, high five, twirl around if you please, and we will depart. Step into the cars provided for you and shut the doors, wear your seatbelts if you wish, and put on the special glasses when instructed. Don't be afraid, feeling queasy is normal, we will soon be departing! But before we do, I must tell you, please don't pick anything up on the way. Also, in regard to the shining happy people you may see, floating about the trees, please don't grab at them, grope at them, or anything of the sort. Now, we will be leaving soon, so please touch yourself somewhere safe and make sure you're all still around. Touch the person next to you somewhere safe and make sure they too are still around, where they are supposed to be, make sure they haven't drifted off into some other stream of conciousness or into someone elses Guided Mind tour, for this is one adventure you all would want to be a part of. Now please, put on the special glasses provided you and we will get on our way. We will go on this adventure together, holding hands, walking single file, in the cars provided us, holding hands and twirling if we please, wearing seatbelts if we wish and not groping the shining happy people. Now, if we are all ready, let us depart. Depart from this place we all seem to be stuck in, and lets move. move on to bigger, things, better things, happier things, to more exciting things, more elaborate things, less congested things, less confusing things, more sedated things, less elated things. Lets all close our minds to the far away fires and focus solely on how the ripped plastic seat feels on our thighs. do you smell the aroma of Neo-daoism? if not, please try harder. rub your feet sideways across the ribbed rubber floormat and feel the vibrations through your body. Feel them entering your bloodlines, feel the powerlines. Now take the complimentary scissors provided you and snip a sensible sized piece of hair from the head or body of the person next to you. Let their essence dissolve into you. Absorb them. Become them. wear their clothes. Date their girlfirends, kiss thier kids and feel them. Above each of you hangs a small glowing orb, do not touch it. Smile and wave, try to behave. Lets all now remove our glasses and step out of the cars, please put your pants back on, and don't look at your neighbor. Hold the velvet rope ahead of you and follow the line to the twinkling stars. Please don't spin, don't twirl, don't shake, don't hold. If you will, just walk silently, in a disjointed line, back to civilization. Beware of low-hanging branches. And I appreciate your time accompanying me on this discovery. I hope you all have enjoyed the trip and please don't forget to sign the gestbook thats sitting in the tin box at the end of the trail.
I'm gonna talk a bit about Denver, probaly, I'm also gonna talk about other stuff, I'm not sure what yet though. We call all find out together! Come along with me, and lets go on a journey. We'll discover things about orselves that we didn't know before, and we figure out where Ethan is going wth this post. Come! I'll lead you through the wild, woody wood that is the polluted, congested confused mind of his, giving helpful and humourous narration along the way. Lets all join hands and walk single file, the sun will be fast setting an we wouldn't want things to get weird. Open your eyes, smile, say hello to the person next to you, shake hands, high five, twirl around if you please, and we will depart. Step into the cars provided for you and shut the doors, wear your seatbelts if you wish, and put on the special glasses when instructed. Don't be afraid, feeling queasy is normal, we will soon be departing! But before we do, I must tell you, please don't pick anything up on the way. Also, in regard to the shining happy people you may see, floating about the trees, please don't grab at them, grope at them, or anything of the sort. Now, we will be leaving soon, so please touch yourself somewhere safe and make sure you're all still around. Touch the person next to you somewhere safe and make sure they too are still around, where they are supposed to be, make sure they haven't drifted off into some other stream of conciousness or into someone elses Guided Mind tour, for this is one adventure you all would want to be a part of. Now please, put on the special glasses provided you and we will get on our way. We will go on this adventure together, holding hands, walking single file, in the cars provided us, holding hands and twirling if we please, wearing seatbelts if we wish and not groping the shining happy people. Now, if we are all ready, let us depart. Depart from this place we all seem to be stuck in, and lets move. move on to bigger, things, better things, happier things, to more exciting things, more elaborate things, less congested things, less confusing things, more sedated things, less elated things. Lets all close our minds to the far away fires and focus solely on how the ripped plastic seat feels on our thighs. do you smell the aroma of Neo-daoism? if not, please try harder. rub your feet sideways across the ribbed rubber floormat and feel the vibrations through your body. Feel them entering your bloodlines, feel the powerlines. Now take the complimentary scissors provided you and snip a sensible sized piece of hair from the head or body of the person next to you. Let their essence dissolve into you. Absorb them. Become them. wear their clothes. Date their girlfirends, kiss thier kids and feel them. Above each of you hangs a small glowing orb, do not touch it. Smile and wave, try to behave. Lets all now remove our glasses and step out of the cars, please put your pants back on, and don't look at your neighbor. Hold the velvet rope ahead of you and follow the line to the twinkling stars. Please don't spin, don't twirl, don't shake, don't hold. If you will, just walk silently, in a disjointed line, back to civilization. Beware of low-hanging branches. And I appreciate your time accompanying me on this discovery. I hope you all have enjoyed the trip and please don't forget to sign the gestbook thats sitting in the tin box at the end of the trail.
This made me feel alot better
All:
I've been having a rough week, and a Very rough night last night, but I tried my best to turn toward God and the scriptures to help me out. This morning, I listened to this and I felt alot better too. You can listen as well. It is a conversation from Conversations on Mormonchannel.org with Elder and sister Holland. I don't think it was anything in particular that was said in the interview that made me feel so much better, I think it was just the spirit that was exuded by the two of them. I don't think it really mattered who it was that I listened to. But in this particular interview it made me realize that true love, deep love, honest and unconditional love can and does exist, between two people and from God.
So anyway, The Church is True. There is nothing anyone can say or do that will dissuade me. try as hard as you want, if you want (although i'd rather you didn't) It Wont Work.
That's all.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
So Last Night I saw 'Contagion'
So you guys, last night I saw Contagion. It was packed with random movie stars: Lawrence Fishburn, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Hal from Malcom in the Middle (Bryan Cranston) , Marrion Cotillard, John Hawkes, and Demetri Martin randomly playing a scientist. As it started I liked the movie a lot because it set up a lot of different stories and exciting things that could happen and play themselves out because it seemed like all these different characters had different story lines. I thought they were all handled well and I was excited to see them get resolved. But at the end, NONE of them got resolved. the only thing that we do get a conclusion to is, at the very very end, the last scene, we find out where the disease came from. but other than that, with regard to all the other characters and stories, it just ended. and that was quite annoying to me at first. But as I've been thinking more about it, it seems more reasonable that none of the stories would be seen completely through. I mean, we get an idea of where they are all heading, and we can assume. but it ends so suddenly. And for most movies that would be a major downfall, I at first I thought it was for this one too.but then I started thinking more broadly. I realized that this whole movie is about millions of people dying suddenly from this disease. And int hat light, the ending of this movie is just like the ending of all these peoples lives. They have lives to live and stories to resolve, but they don't get the chance because they suddenly die. we too, as the audience, take teh same role. we can infer the way these stories end, but as for a sure, certain conclusion, we get none. It was nice becasue that is how real life it too. we come in and out of acquaintances and leave in the middle of other peoples stories. So as I started looking at it from that light, it was a much more satisfying ending.
As for the body of the movie, I thought it was well handles and the way it was shot very simply and powerfully hinted at the spreading of disease without ever actually saying "Wow, that disease just was put onto that door, and now it's on that person" Stephen Soderbergh could tell that same story by a simple silent camera shot, or by pausing a split second longer on something. I thought it was neat.
Overall, I like looking at things and seeing reasons to like then not to not like them. It makes life more enjoyable. Contagion may not be oscar stuff. but not every movie has to be. It was enjoyable. and made me glad I don't have MEV-1.
Just a little update of what I did Saturday night. I saw it with NeCole and had a really good time. Tha'ts all.
As for the body of the movie, I thought it was well handles and the way it was shot very simply and powerfully hinted at the spreading of disease without ever actually saying "Wow, that disease just was put onto that door, and now it's on that person" Stephen Soderbergh could tell that same story by a simple silent camera shot, or by pausing a split second longer on something. I thought it was neat.
Overall, I like looking at things and seeing reasons to like then not to not like them. It makes life more enjoyable. Contagion may not be oscar stuff. but not every movie has to be. It was enjoyable. and made me glad I don't have MEV-1.
Just a little update of what I did Saturday night. I saw it with NeCole and had a really good time. Tha'ts all.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
I've been thinking
I've been thinking, friends.
I go the bathroom a lot at school. We have over 84 buildings on campus, and most of them have multiple levels. What if I tried to use every single one of them? how long would it take me? could I do it? how could I keep track? anyway, just a thought that has been simmering in my mind. Some sort of BYU Boys Bathroom Blog. if any of you have any ideas of how this could be accomplished, please comment and tell me.
Also, incidentally, it is good to be back on a site that I can stand to look at and be on, much thanks to Hannah Hillam for her help organizing my page and telling me how to remove crap that I don't need (by the way, speaking of crap I don't need, all the pointless crap that used to be on the sidebar can now be found under the "Stuff I like" page, below my header. Feel free to browse and peruse)
So all, I like stuff.
Also I hate it wen my mouth tastes like feet.
I go the bathroom a lot at school. We have over 84 buildings on campus, and most of them have multiple levels. What if I tried to use every single one of them? how long would it take me? could I do it? how could I keep track? anyway, just a thought that has been simmering in my mind. Some sort of BYU Boys Bathroom Blog. if any of you have any ideas of how this could be accomplished, please comment and tell me.
Also, incidentally, it is good to be back on a site that I can stand to look at and be on, much thanks to Hannah Hillam for her help organizing my page and telling me how to remove crap that I don't need (by the way, speaking of crap I don't need, all the pointless crap that used to be on the sidebar can now be found under the "Stuff I like" page, below my header. Feel free to browse and peruse)
So all, I like stuff.
Also I hate it wen my mouth tastes like feet.
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