In(som)nia

So:

I have had insomnia. I haven't been able to sleep. I've been writing like a mad man but I can't prove it to you. I've been watching and reading, learning and growing. Although, I hear one does most of ones growing while asleep.

Pre-Raphaelite

This was going to be my new blog title banner, but then I realized I have absolutely NO idea how to code... If anyone does, and could show me how to make it my new banner, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I re-realized how much I love Pre-Raphaelite paintings. a brief overview: It was an artistic movement started in the late 1840's by a group of English painters and poets initially known as the pre-raphaelite brotherhood. this initial brotherhood consisted of William Holman Hunt, John Everett-Millais and Dante Gabriel Rosetti. Four more members quickly joined, making a seven member 'brotherhood' or club i guess. Their initial intention was to re-form art by rejecting the techniques they considered machinistic and "cliche" and bad art. They blamed in particular Raphael for they believed that " classical poses and elegant compositions of Raphael in particular had been a corrupting influence on the academic teaching of art." (whatever exactly that means) SO: they started painting using 'abundant' detail bold colours and complex compsition.

They are believed by some to be the first real avant-garde movement in art, although that title is dispute by many, "because they continued to accept both the concepts of history painting and of mimesis, or imitation of nature, as central to the purpose of art"

Anyway, here are some of my favorite paintings of theirs. I know many true art scholars will say that their art is frou-frou, soul-less and lacks a depth, but i really like it. Many of their subjects are taken from stories faerie tales and myths, as well as Shakespeare plays. (and by the way, you can click on the pictures to enlarge them. Also, the titles are below each picture, not above))

Windflowers - Waterhouse

The Shrine - Waterhouse

Princess tied to a tree - Edward Burne-Jones

The Lady Of Shallot - Waterhouse
Probably the most well-known painting by a pre-raphaelite. although, Waterhouse began painting after several of the founding members had already died. he was one of the last, if not the last painters of this era. some don't even consider him strictly classified as such. Ive noticed that the earlier his paintings are, the more detail they have. And as they get older chronologically, they become less detailed. this one was done very early, 1888, compared with others from 1910.

Juliet - John William Waterhouse

John Everett Millais: The Black Brunswicker. (ENLARGE this one by clicking on it. it looks stunning)

Gathering Flowers in a Devonshire Garden - John William Waterhouse

The Enchanted Garden - Waterhouse
ENLARGE this one too

The Lady of Clare

Mariana 1850 - John Everett Milais

Also ENLARGE this one

Spring - Waterhouse

Ophelia - Milias

Ophelia 02 - Waterhouse

Cinderella - John Everett Milais

Mariana in the South - Watherhouse

Beguiling of Merlin - Edward Burne-Jones
ENLARGE this one

ENLARGE this one, please. It's gorgeous

Head of a Young Girl - William Adolphe-Bouguereau

Now, William Adolphe-Bouguereau wasn't a pre-raphaelite. In fact, he was opposed to the pre-raphaelites. But this painting is still gorgeous. It is probably my favorite one...

Thank you for reading, and comment if you please.

From an interview on NPR

“...My grandmother is ninety four years old is having a gallbladder operation in Chicago. I talked to her last night and I asked her how she was doing, which is not what you should do to a ninety four year old woman going in for an operation. ‘I’m not doing very well Brian... is this Brian? Mike? Is this Mike?’ ‘No grandma, this is Brian’ ‘I love you Brian’ she said to me ‘How’s your girlfriend doing?’ Well, I didn’t really want to tell her that I hadn’t seen her in a while and that she was living with a twenty five year old blonde surfer auto mechanic graffiti artist in downtown L.A. Having her bottom tattooed with three black cats knocking over a bottle of milk. So I said ‘Fine Grandma, she’s, she's doing fine. And she asks about you and hopes that you’re alright.’ I told her I loved her and she said ‘I love you Michael... Brian.’”

-Brian Brophy, from an interview on NPR’s Hearing Voices June 21 2009.

the URL for the interview is HERE, you can also access it by clicking on the title of this blogpost.

I just found this particular part of the interview incredible. I don't know why. The whole thing was great, but this particular part was particularly notable to me. Read it Over

Rice Crackers

The thing is, with rice crackers: They are really really tasty when they first go into your mouth, but then after you bite, they start to progressively suck more. They are all dry and they taste like rice. But the first part is really good, So I eat more, but it is never quite as good as the first time.

The Compilation

So it hit me today, about an hour ago, as I was reading in Mormon, the first couple of chapters, that it is so frustrating how little of all that is out there that we actually have. I was confused by it as well, and luckily for me, my dad, who is really smart about this kind of stuff, was in his chair right by me (I was laying on the couch) and so I asked him and we talked about it, and it took us quite a while to find even a partial answer. Why do we have so little of the records that were made? I mean, there are the large plates of Nephi, which contain all the records of wars and kings and things of that nature, and then the small plates of Nephi, which contain the spiritual things. But there are still the brass plates, which were records made long before Nephi was around. And then the book of Lehi. But also all the records of the lost tribes of Israel, which Jesus said he also visited. And there are records of the Jaredites. And we have so, SO little of it.

I was trying to figure out what was contained in the Gold Plates. I explained it to my dad this way: So Nephi wrote two records, the Large and the Small Plates of Nephi. The small plates containing a spiritual record of the people, and the Large plates containing a physical record of the people. Thier kings and wars and stuff. Do the Gold Plates contain both records, and the large plates, which aren't included in the Book of Mormon, were they just the sealed part that Joseph Smith couldn't access? or was the sealed part of the Gold Plates simply more of the small plates we aren't allowed to see. My dad thought maybe some of the sealed portions contained Nephi's visions that he had, but wasn't allowed to write. But we were not sure. I had no idea what was going on. There was also the book of Lehi. Was that contained in the Gold Plates as well, or was the only part of the book of Lehi that was in the Gold Plates the Mormon's abridgemt of the book of Lehi. (The abridgement of the Book of Lehi that Mormon made was the manuscript that was lost.) Did the sealed portion of the Gold Plates contain the original book of Lehi as well, or does that only exsist seperatley somewhere? The more we thought about it, the more it stood to reason that the Large plates of Nephi were a seperate record, and the only part of them that existed in the Gold Plates was the abridgement of the Large Plates that Mormon did (Mosiah - 4 Nephi)... I was lost. And frankly, a little frustrated at how little information we have. not about the compilation of the plates, but because out of all the vast ammounts of information there is out there, we have such a tiny, tiny fraction of it.

My Dad and I did some sleuthing on the internet and found out from the Lightplanet.com/somestuff that "Joseph Smith was commanded not to translate the sealed vision of the Brother of Jared, which apparently made up a substantial portion of the gold plates (Ludlow, p. 320). Although Joseph Smith translated only from the gold plates, he and his associates saw many other records (JD 19:38; Millennial Star 40 [1878]:771-72)." So!!! i found out that there were lots more plates Jooseph Smith saw, that he Couldn't Translate! It frustrated me so SO much.

My dad and I also talked about what was in the hill along with the gold plates. if the brass plates were there, which I believe i heard they were, along with the sword of Laban. and I guess now we know there were lots of plates there.

This is so frustrating because we have so little of what is out there. Although, I know it is the right thing to have happen because what we have is the most important to us, right now. And all the prophets have seen that, and I trust them. It's just... when will the new records come forth? during the Millenium? when Christ is ruling? If that's the case, why? we will be completely happy and righteous and so what will we have to learn from the new records? we could just ask Jesus, he'll be right there. I dunno. I know I need to focus less on this and more on what is actually in what we have. It was just such a strong urge i felt to recieve that extra revelation.

there are, in existence:
-Small plates of Nephi -- recieved
-Large plates of Nephi -- abridged
-Book of Lehi --abridged and lost
-Brass plates --abridged
-visions of the Brother of Jared -- sealed in Gold plates
-Records of the Jaredites (Plates of Ether) -- not recieved
-Records of other Lost Tribes -- Not Recieved
-visions of Nephi --not recieved / sealed
-other, un-known records --not recieved
-records of Zenos and Zenock --abridged

So really, we have so very, very little. I just want to read it all, but i really should just focus on what we have. In case anyone is interested, there is a link to a very good article about the contents of the Book of Mormon and the plates here: http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/book_of_mormon/plates.html

and here is an image from the aforlinked site.



Anyway, thank you for reading. please comment. Discussion is welcomed.

...a life I never really lived.

Today I had another one of those horrendously awful / surreally wonderful days which was full of melancholy and remorse, brought about by a sudden bout of nostalgia and reminiscence. I hate it when that happens because I cannot focus on anything else. The whole day I am eternally stuck in the past, reliving moments, and wishing things had gone differently. Or foolishly hoping there is something I can do to fix whatever I may have done, or get back the emotions I had at whatever time, or struggling to find some way to re-live these certain events or periods in my life. But it is also a beautiful time because I get to truly peer at myself in the past and deeply analyze why I did things, and what has come from those decisions. Be it good or bad, or whatever I may term "good" or "bad" at this point. I get to see that I am stuck with the decisions I made, no matter how much they may hurt me, no matter how much I may regret some, or wish some had never happened. Or despite how much I may have hurt other people, I am stuck living with what I made.

It is at this point when I try to think of things I can do to re-connect myself with my past and get the emotions I had been remembering back at their full. It's like Heroine, I guess. People say that it is never as strong as the first time you take it, but people are so addicted to it anyway that they keep trying, knowing, somewhere inside of them, that it won't be as good. But they try anyway. I'm like that with emotions. I'm addicted to emotions, I'm an emotion junkie (if not emotional massochist) and I do whatever I can to feel strong emotions. And when I do, I remember them. And then, on days like today, I go back to them I try to get as high by remembering them as I did the first time when I actually lived them. The weird thing is though, for me, the times I get the highest are when I do remember them. The remembering is always the highest. I never feel very strongly about emotions until they are already in the past. I live emotionally in the past, no matter how hard I try. So day-to-day, I live almost numb, I mean, I feel things, it's just... you know. And then, when an important or emotionally strong event happens, I live through it, and feel the emotion very muted at the time. Like i'm living everything through seven layers of Kleenex. Then months, even years later the emotions reverberate and I feel them at their fullest. At which point I go on and dwell with them all day, living with them, loving them, embracing them, because the old emotions are all I have of a life I never really lived.

Also, Mission Update, for anyone who was keeping track (which is, I think, four people, all of which already know...) I was supposed to leave last Wednesday, the tenth of June, but my surgery happened the day before that, Tuesday the ninth. And then my throat-tube surgery is the nineteenth, so I couldn't go in until both of those were over. And it turns out that the missionaries go into Fresno in 6 week increments, so I have to wait until July twenty second to go in... poo. It's harder now to get as excited about it. I was all pumped up and ready to go, but now my excitement has deflated and my energy has dropped. I need to find things to occupy my time. Luckily, I have had no desire to go back to school or do any theatre productions at all these past couple of weeks... which is very odd for me, seeing as those are the two things I really need to do to feel fulfilled. The two things that i can actually feel at a full emotional level. Theatre sends me emotion through an amp set to 11. So it's very strange i have no desire to do it... but it's a blessing. Now it won't be a problem, getting caught up in school, or some productions or something and then not go, or have it be harder for me to go. Anyways, thanks, you guys, for reading.

And also, please comment on the post below. I know people read it, but no-one said anything... why?