My Glasses Flew Off In A Fit Of Postmodern Joy

I hated hipsters before it was cool to hate hipsters

2012-01-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

I Made These:

2012-01-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

Green and Yellow Melancholy

2011-11-27T00:24:00.000-07:00

The first scene of a play I started over two years ago. Thought I'd post it here, if anyone reads this.

GREEN AND YELLOW MELANCHOLY

   Scene 1

                                        Outdoors. A garden with some trees
                                        around. Or maybe it's in... No, I
                                        like a garden with trees. It's a
                                        garden with trees. Lights come up,
                                        soft. There is a bench. Next to the
                                        bench, a Woman, ELAINE, in early
                                        twenties is kneeling, wearing a
                                        white dress, knee length or a
                                        little shorter, and has a white
                                        parasol next to her, unopened. she
                                        has been crying, but she's over it
                                        now. she speaks softly, gently,
                                        carefully. Sincerely.

                                        Enter a Man, PAUL, in early
                                        twenties wearing a collared shirt
                                        underneath a sweater. He is well
                                        trimmed ans sincere.

                                        PAUL
               Hi.

                                        ELAINE

                                        looking up at him
               Hi.

                                        PAUL
               I thought you had left.

                                        ELAINE
               nope. still here.

                                        PAUL
               yeah, I see that.

                                        ELAINE
               I mean, nothing against your party. I just needed air, you
               know

                                        PAUL
               it looks like you needed more than just air.

                                        ELAINE
               I guess

                                        PAUL
               are you okay?

                                        ELAINE
               Yes.

                                        PAUL
               really?

                                        ELAINE
               yeah, I'm fine. I guess my heads just not with me today.

                                        PAUL
               I think I know how that is. But how do you mean?

                                        ELAINE
               what do you mean?

                                        PAUL
               I just mean what is up? why are you feeling so bad

                                        ELAINE
               Paul, you should get back to your party. people will miss
               you

                                        PAUL
               no, they're mingling. and people miss you. You're gorgeous
               tonight. I mean, that's not why people... you know, it's
               just... separate thought.

                                        ELAINE
               Thank you. I'm sorry if I'm attracting attention. that's not
               why I'm out here.

                                        PAUL
               Oh, I know that. You're not

                                        ELAINE
               you said people were missing me

                                        PAUL
               well, they are, but I meant, mostly, that I was. I didn't
               know where you went. I thought you left. But Jacquie said
               she gave you a ride. And she was still around. so I thought
               I'd come look for you. are you okay?

                                        ELAINE
               yeah. I'm fine. thanks for coming all the way out here. you
               really didn't have to.

                                        PAUL
               Oh, I'm sorry, if you were trying to be alone or away from
               people for a while, I understand. I'm sorry. I just wanted
               to see how you were doing.

                                        ELAINE
               Oh, no, it's fine. Thanks. I guess I just needed to think
               for a bit. My heads been kind of not with the rest of me
               today.

                                        PAUL
               yeah. Is it... what?

                                        ELAINE
               oh, I don't know. Memories I guess.

                                        PAUL
               ah. I understand. That happens to me a lot. I'm not sure if
               it's exactly the same thing, but I remember something, like
               one little part of a memory. One with a lot of emotional
               involvement, and I just latch on to it for the next couple
               of days, sometimes weeks. And it can keep me up all night,
               prompts 3 a.m. drives to nowhere, just trying to enhance the
               memory. Enhance or get it to leave. I don't care which. Or,
               at least, that's what I tell myself. That i don't care
               whether it stays or goes, just so long as it doesn't stay
               the same. But I know, honestly, that I'd much rather have
               the feeling, the memory, the pain, usually, regret, than
               live without it. Have it grow inside me that lose it. I
               don't know if that's at all what your feeling, but that's
               how I feel sometimes. I guess it's cause it's just so hard
               for me to feel anything that when something finally does
               come around, albeit sad, I just latch on to it.

                                        ELAINE
               Yeah, thats exactly what this is actually. that's so weird.

                                        PAUL
               well, I mean, that's just how I feel. You don't have to say
               that. but if some part of it realtes, I'd like you to know
               about it so you can talk to me. I understand at least a
               little, you know?

                                        ELAINE
               no, I was serious, that really is how i'm feeling.

                                        PAUL
               really?

                                        ELAINE
               yeah.

                                        PAUL
               Have you ever read Twelfth Night?

                                        ELAINE
               yes.

                                        PAUL
               I don't know much about Shakespeare, but this one part of
               that one sow always struck me. it's when Viola, I think
               that's her name, when she is sitting talking to the count. I
               dunno, that part isn't important. It's what she says. She
               says "She pined in thought, and with a green and yellow
               melancholy she sat like patience on a monument, Smiling at
               grief. Was not this love, indeed" And I guess I bring this
               up because, well, one, I think Shakespeare would have been a
               great prose writer, with descriptions like that. But two,
               that's what I thought of when I was walking out here. when I
               saw you. that's exactly what I thought of.

                                        ELAINE
               wow, thats...

                                        PAUL
               I saw you and I immediately knew what you felt like. I knew
               the deep pain you must have been feeling. it waas palpable
               to me. And i knew "this was love indeed"... you know. what
               you were feeling. How you felt could only be... well, you
               know.

                                        ELAINE
               ... I... That describes it perfectly. I mean, I wasn't
               exactly smiling at grief, at the loss love, but like you
               said, better pain than nothing.

                                        PAUL
               yeah. that's kind of how I feel. I'm sorry, was that
               overstepping a lot of lines, I'm sorry. I just, I dunno,
               thats just exactly what I thought of. I knew that was the
               image in Shakespeares mind when he wrote that. You, at that
               moment.

                                        ELAINE
               well... I don't know what to say right now. Thank you Paul.

                                        PAUL
               You're welcome Elaine. Really, I'm here if you need me.

                                        ELAINE
               thank you

                                        PAUL
               do you need to stay out here for a little longer?

                                        ELAINE
               Yeah, i think so

                                        PAUL
               okay. well hey, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. If you
               need to talk, come in and get me. I'll come right out and
               talk, okay?

                                        ELAINE
               yeah, okay, thanks.

                                        PAUL
               it's nothing. really. take your time. feel better. Okay
               Elaine?

                                        ELAINE
               hey, Thanks Paul. Alot. That really helped.

                                        PAUL
               I'm glad. I really am... I'll just be right inside, near the
               door, okay. I'd love to talk some more, if you want.

                                        ELAINE
               yes! yes, I'd love to. you help me. i feel, just, I don't
               know, calm? safe? Understood. i think that's it. I feel
               understood around you. Important. can we talk again?

                                        PAUL
               of course.

                                        ELAINE
               okay. I;m gonna sit out here for a bit more, smile at grief
               with my green and yellow melancholy. but I'll need to talk
               to you some more. I just need to wallow a bit more first

                                        PAUL
               i completely understand. Okay.

                                        ELAINE
               'kay

                                        PAUL
               I'll see you in a bit then

                                        ELAINE
               yes.

                                        PAUL
               kay

                                        ELAINE
               alright

                                        PAUL
               kay, bye.

                                        ELAINE
               bye... Thanks again.

Game p.1

2011-11-19T18:37:00.002-07:00

Lets play a game. It's called "Name That Movie" I will list fifteen quotes from movies, and you tell me what movies they are from. using Google.com is cheating. Okay, here we go:

1: "Hey look, I found waldo!"
"Really?"
"Psych!"

2: "...and with the way america's court system is congested these days it would take months to convict him of anything. So I took matters into my own hands and dumped the Triampathol into the meat supply and let ________ be a victim of it's own foul play. Heh"

3: "I've... got a plan"
"you've '...Got a plan'? You, who is practically incapable of any human thought that isn't trivial, oh come on now ____ this is serious!"

4: "This sash was a gift to me from the queen of America"

5: "My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we port into Cuba to re-supply, God willing you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives."

6: "Zatarra. sounds fearsome"
"it means 'driftwood' "

7: "my fellow nerds and I will retire to the 'nerdery' with our calculators. we should have something for you by... this afternoon."

8: "I wouldn't dream of depriving you of your moment of triumph! alas, a moment is all I could spare."

9: "This little revolution of yours is monstrous intolerable"

10: "We shall execute our king instead, and exalt our tailors"
"More's the pity. Then no one shall rule the land , and no one shall make the clothes. So much for French fashion... And French politics. What is that you Frenchies say? Too-shay? you see, I'm a bit of a poet, and you did not know it, wha?"

11: "Mr. McQuinn, my parents are sealed in a biosphere in Arizona. The Biosphere, it's a big bubble thing in the desert, lots of plants and animals, nobody's allowed in or out."

12: "Paaaaaaaatrick, baby boy"

13: "Who are you?"
"I'm your new friend Sam!"

14: "You're a cop, Kenny?"
"Yeah man, I couldn't think of anything better to do."
"last time I saw you you were doing coke lines off a urinal."
"la-la-la."

15: " Rayon."
"Mm."
"Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have..."
"Would have burned it. "
"Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it. "

================================================

ALRIGHT! That's it!

Comment and tell me as many as you can. The one who can name the most wins a prize.

I Posted Something

2011-11-07T00:29:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends. Go HERE, to UglyMyfanwy.blogspot.com I posted something there.

A disconnect?

2011-11-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

Q: 0 is to the truth as 508 is to ____ (?)

Yes, I agree. I've realized that no matter how many numbers I have next to the word "Friends" on Facebook, I still don't end up with any additional people asking me to do stuff or calling me up to see how I'm doing. I sense a disconnect here... It's almost like those numbers aren't real.

Huh! Who knew?

Red Dictionary Dots

2011-10-29T20:27:00.002-06:00

Red Dictionary Dots

a poem by Ethan Williams

The dots on the dictionaries

Were put there by visionaries

Whose brains were wont to explode

They'd study too much

Their blood vessels and such

Would start to overload

If they didn't, however,

They'd cease to be clever

And their minds would begin to erode

And so they would read

Their knowledge to feed

And their smarts, oh boy, they showed

But it was sad to discover

Time after another

The same sad scene to unfold

Their veins would start popping

And the kids would be mopping

The floor up from all their crud

In got in their nooks

And on all their books

And got dirty and hard like mud

But it's helpful to know

That the speckles that show

Are actually their blood.

Three Things:

2011-10-26T12:17:00.001-06:00

Thing one: I love Chocolate Milk. Especially BYU Choclate Milk

Thing Two: How on earth do people keep their headphones in their pockets without them getting tangled and taking months to untangle?! I don't know how they do it.

Thing Three: Sometimeds when I see a happy couple holding hands on campus or in Target I want to Red-Rover them. (thing three point five: what is a red rover?)

The End.

Where's Waldo (Quantum Style!)

2011-10-24T14:57:00.002-06:00

Where's Waldo: One of the great books of our time, a book which poses and even greater question. Where exactly is Waldo (or Wally, if you're from 'cross the pond)

Well, many may say simply "There he is!" and point to him. after all, we can see him right there, Za Waldo! However, the mere fact that you are looking at him changes the probability that he is in fact there. He may or may not have been there a moment ago, and truly he may not even be there now.

Well we could could sum it up as "Waldo is in Waldo-Land". and while that would be so very nice and easy to believe, it is not the case. There is a standing probability of where he might be, and that probability increases as we get to Waldo-land. But that is only if we set Waldo-land as the nucleus of the orbitals (be they S, P, D, F, or otherwise). But as the size of the probability decreases, the number of possible Waldos to find increases drastically. So while there may be alot more of them to find as we decrease in probability, there is, in reality, less of a chance of finding any of them. But, in reality, there is an equal chance he is in Waldo-land as he is in any other place... that is, until you look at him. However, once you see him and know precisely where he happened to end up, you know absolutely nothing about how he got there or how fast he arrived... wherever "there" may be, whether it happened to be on a Waldonian orbital or otherwise.

"well now see here" you may say "what if I saw him leave, what if I saw him go a certain direction? shouldn't I know where he will end up" Well friend, you should, but you won't. As the knowledge you have of where is is currently increases the knowledge you have of where he will end up dramatically decreases. And as you watch him drive away in his car, don't look at his speedometer, whatever you do! As you know how fast he is moving you then lose any information you could have gained about where he will end up.

Is it any wonder those darned books were so hard as kids!

You know, Schrodinger once accidentally left waldo in a box...

Oh! There he is, that pesky little guy! ... Never mind then, all this, he was just behind that lady's ear...

P.S. For more Quantum Fun, check out the cartoon I drew in my Oodles of Doodles Page on the toolbar above.

Fair Weather

2011-10-24T14:57:00.000-06:00

Friends

Classic Post from the Archive: May 28 2009 (Happening)

2011-10-23T21:21:00.000-06:00

A post from May 28 2009, enjoy it again. Inhale deeply its splendor.

I'm gonna talk a bit about Denver, probaly, I'm also gonna talk about other stuff, I'm not sure what yet though. We call all find out together! Come along with me, and lets go on a journey. We'll discover things about orselves that we didn't know before, and we figure out where Ethan is going wth this post. Come! I'll lead you through the wild, woody wood that is the polluted, congested confused mind of his, giving helpful and humourous narration along the way. Lets all join hands and walk single file, the sun will be fast setting an we wouldn't want things to get weird. Open your eyes, smile, say hello to the person next to you, shake hands, high five, twirl around if you please, and we will depart. Step into the cars provided for you and shut the doors, wear your seatbelts if you wish, and put on the special glasses when instructed. Don't be afraid, feeling queasy is normal, we will soon be departing! But before we do, I must tell you, please don't pick anything up on the way. Also, in regard to the shining happy people you may see, floating about the trees, please don't grab at them, grope at them, or anything of the sort. Now, we will be leaving soon, so please touch yourself somewhere safe and make sure you're all still around. Touch the person next to you somewhere safe and make sure they too are still around, where they are supposed to be, make sure they haven't drifted off into some other stream of conciousness or into someone elses Guided Mind tour, for this is one adventure you all would want to be a part of. Now please, put on the special glasses provided you and we will get on our way. We will go on this adventure together, holding hands, walking single file, in the cars provided us, holding hands and twirling if we please, wearing seatbelts if we wish and not groping the shining happy people. Now, if we are all ready, let us depart. Depart from this place we all seem to be stuck in, and lets move. move on to bigger, things, better things, happier things, to more exciting things, more elaborate things, less congested things, less confusing things, more sedated things, less elated things. Lets all close our minds to the far away fires and focus solely on how the ripped plastic seat feels on our thighs. do you smell the aroma of Neo-daoism? if not, please try harder. rub your feet sideways across the ribbed rubber floormat and feel the vibrations through your body. Feel them entering your bloodlines, feel the powerlines. Now take the complimentary scissors provided you and snip a sensible sized piece of hair from the head or body of the person next to you. Let their essence dissolve into you. Absorb them. Become them. wear their clothes. Date their girlfirends, kiss thier kids and feel them. Above each of you hangs a small glowing orb, do not touch it. Smile and wave, try to behave. Lets all now remove our glasses and step out of the cars, please put your pants back on, and don't look at your neighbor. Hold the velvet rope ahead of you and follow the line to the twinkling stars. Please don't spin, don't twirl, don't shake, don't hold. If you will, just walk silently, in a disjointed line, back to civilization. Beware of low-hanging branches. And I appreciate your time accompanying me on this discovery. I hope you all have enjoyed the trip and please don't forget to sign the gestbook thats sitting in the tin box at the end of the trail.

This made me feel alot better

2011-10-23T08:30:00.000-06:00

All:

I've been having a rough week, and a Very rough night last night, but I tried my best to turn toward God and the scriptures to help me out. This morning, I listened to this and I felt alot better too. You can listen as well. It is a conversation from Conversations on Mormonchannel.org with Elder and sister Holland.
I don't think it was anything in particular that was said in the interview that made me feel so much better, I think it was just the spirit that was exuded by the two of them. I don't think it really mattered who it was that I listened to. But in this particular interview it made me realize that true love, deep love, honest and unconditional love can and does exist, between two people and from God.

So anyway, The Church is True. There is nothing anyone can say or do that will dissuade me. try as hard as you want, if you want (although i'd rather you didn't) It Wont Work.

That's all.

So Last Night I saw 'Contagion'

2011-10-16T12:43:00.000-06:00

So you guys, last night I saw Contagion. It was packed with random movie stars: Lawrence Fishburn, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow, Hal from Malcom in the Middle (Bryan Cranston) , Marrion Cotillard, John Hawkes, and Demetri Martin randomly playing a scientist. As it started I liked the movie a lot because it set up a lot of different stories and exciting things that could happen and play themselves out because it seemed like all these different characters had different story lines. I thought they were all handled well and I was excited to see them get resolved. But at the end, NONE of them got resolved. the only thing that we do get a conclusion to is, at the very very end, the last scene, we find out where the disease came from. but other than that, with regard to all the other characters and stories, it just ended. and that was quite annoying to me at first. But as I've been thinking more about it, it seems more reasonable that none of the stories would be seen completely through. I mean, we get an idea of where they are all heading, and we can assume. but it ends so suddenly. And for most movies that would be a major downfall, I at first I thought it was for this one too.but then I started thinking more broadly. I realized that this whole movie is about millions of people dying suddenly from this disease. And int hat light, the ending of this movie is just like the ending of all these peoples lives. They have lives to live and stories to resolve, but they don't get the chance because they suddenly die. we too, as the audience, take teh same role. we can infer the way these stories end, but as for a sure, certain conclusion, we get none. It was nice becasue that is how real life it too. we come in and out of acquaintances and leave in the middle of other peoples stories. So as I started looking at it from that light, it was a much more satisfying ending.

As for the body of the movie, I thought it was well handles and the way it was shot very simply and powerfully hinted at the spreading of disease without ever actually saying "Wow, that disease just was put onto that door, and now it's on that person" Stephen Soderbergh could tell that same story by a simple silent camera shot, or by pausing a split second longer on something. I thought it was neat.

Overall, I like looking at things and seeing reasons to like then not to not like them. It makes life more enjoyable. Contagion may not be oscar stuff. but not every movie has to be. It was enjoyable. and made me glad I don't have MEV-1.

Just a little update of what I did Saturday night. I saw it with NeCole and had a really good time. Tha'ts all.

I've been thinking

2011-10-15T17:51:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking, friends.

I go the bathroom a lot at school. We have over 84 buildings on campus, and most of them have multiple levels. What if I tried to use every single one of them? how long would it take me? could I do it? how could I keep track? anyway, just a thought that has been simmering in my mind. Some sort of BYU Boys Bathroom Blog. if any of you have any ideas of how this could be accomplished, please comment and tell me.

Also, incidentally, it is good to be back on a site that I can stand to look at and be on, much thanks to Hannah Hillam for her help organizing my page and telling me how to remove crap that I don't need (by the way, speaking of crap I don't need, all the pointless crap that used to be on the sidebar can now be found under the "Stuff I like" page, below my header. Feel free to browse and peruse)

So all, I like stuff.

Also I hate it wen my mouth tastes like feet.

So I did a new one... template, I mean.

2011-10-08T02:08:00.000-06:00

What do you all think of it. Substantially less gay, this I know. but besides that. Here, take this quiz I made!

Quizzes by Quibblo.com | SnapApp Quiz Apps

Gyoza and some photshopping I did.

2011-09-06T08:34:00.000-06:00

First of all, I took the advice of Angie and made some Gyoza that she said was delicious. She didn't post a recipe but did mention the name of the person who's recipe it was. May I just say, we made 90 of them and I loved every minute of making them and eating them... especially eating them. wow! (she has since added the link to the recipe by Lillian Wilkins. I also added it here. Please check it out. )

Now, for photoshop

So here, for starters, is my cousin's daughter. She is my first cousin once removed. She is probably the bar none cutest baby I have ever ever seen and will probably remain so until I have my own children. I took a picture of her at our family reunion and then I touched it up a bit (as if you can truly "touch up" a baby, cause they are perfect. I more enhanced the pictures colors and stuff... you know) and then I gave it to them. I hope they enjoy it.

Un-edited

Before Editing

After Editing

Now here is the Provo Temple. I took the picture when it was a bit hazy outside and the colors on the Temple weren't as crisp as I would have liked them to be. plus there was a lad standing right THERE in the picture. Just standing on up there in the middle of my photograph! the nerve of some people! ... so i politely removed her as I was touching up and enhancing the colors and blurring and darkening the mountains and other et-ceteras. it's a bit sloppy, I'm still a complete beginner. but I'm making progress.

Before Edit

After Edit

And lastly, this is a flyer I made to practice a photoshop tutorial I found HERE on how to make 1960's style concert posters. It is pretty much an exact copy of the tutorial. It was just practice. The site has a bunch of good tutorials, if you are into that type of thing... Anyway, I made them... there was no dinner date though... poo.

Seriously (A.K.A. unafraid)

2011-08-28T00:28:00.007-06:00

Seriously, I'm in love with this girl. A. Ton.
I have never felt so happy or giddy in all my life. She truly makes me want to strive to be a better person. I want to be a better person for her.
We don't make out, which is lovely. it means the emotions we have for each other are real, and not fabricated or augmented or changed or distorted or skewed by in-appropriate and extra-hormonal joob-jab.
I love that she is not afraid to be goofy. I love that she can't not be goofy. she perpetually makes me laugh.
I feel safe with her.
I feel happy and calm with her.
I feel understood.
I also feel like the Lord has his hand in this. So I am putting my faith in him and letting him guide me through this, wherever it is I may go. It says in Moroni 8:16 "Perfect Love Casteth Out All Fear." I truly feel that way. I'm not afraid to say how I feel because I am full of the most pure love I know how to feel yet. I am un-afraid of what the future brings, whatever it may be.
Many times in the past I have been terrified to say how I feel because I was afraid it might be wrong, or that I would hurt too much by saying how I truly felt, and then having it thrown away. Or I was afraid that if I said how I felt, and then the relationship didn't work out, I would be so much more hurt. . . Well not now.
Now I know that I may feel an increase in pain because of my open-ness, but I also know that because of my open-ness, I can feel an increase in Love. And I am un-afraid of the consequences, however real of fake they may be, of saying how I feel and shouting it from the highest blogspot URL.
And that is because I know several things.
one: Whatever pain I feel will be counteracted and overshadowed by the joy I feel now.
two: i know that if I'm living righteously, (or even if I'm not) the Lord with comfort me when I need it. The lord will send the comforter, the Holy Ghost, to wrap his arms around me. As it says in Isaiah 66: 13 "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you..." I can only imagine my mother wrapping her arms around me, comforting me through my pain. I love the promises the Gospel gives me. And I love that this incredible girl helps me understand them better and want to learn more. She is righteous. She helps me.
Three: If i put a wall around my heart, sure it will deflect pain coming in, which is what so many people do. But it will also keep any love from coming in. And it also keeps any love I have from going out. So these walls keep bad out, but they also keep good things (the love of others and the love of god) out. and they keep my feelings in. So i tear them down, knowing, as aforementioned, I will be comforted. John 14:18 "I will not leave you comfortless, I will comfort you" Adn the Lord will. So in return for feeling a few pinpricks of pain, I get to enlarge my love-receiving by thousands-fold. And in turn, get to increase the Love I give.
In the words of John Lennon: "The love you take is equal to the Love you make" FACT.

So, I just wanted to get that out there.

Before there was Verbal-Vomit...

2011-08-17T15:35:00.010-06:00

So I've known Hannah Jayne Hillam for a good number of years now, and as she grows in popularity (deservingly so, due to the success of her infant-art-love-baby verbal-vomit.com) I thought I'd Give her a loving homage. This is a bunch of art Hannah drew a few years ago that she gave to me that I found in some boxes as I was going through my stuff. please enjoy:
.

Sorry these pictures are so small. click on them and it will enlarge them. it's a bit more work, but it's worth it, and I'm no computer whiz to do anything different. Thanks!

And Now, just some random Sketches and drawing on paper. Most were sleep-deprivation-educed, and / or procrastinating another, more difficult drawing-produced.

And these last two are a little more classy... if I can be excused for a moment and use the word "Classy" to describe Hannah's art. They are Harry Potter and Little Miss Muffet.

Anyway, Hannah is great. Go to her site, comment on it, love it, eat, drink and sleep it. have creepy dreams of ugly folks sidling around you... it's a phenomenon, just wait.

She Rox in a Box.

.

2011-08-03T16:00:00.005-06:00

Epistle

2010-06-14T11:07:00.002-06:00

Readership:

There have been comments made and discussions had about the privacy, and anonymity provided herein. This blog is indented to be Anonymous and not to be harmful, defacing, defaming, divulging, revealing, or in any other way uncomfortable to any reader who may stumble upon it. With this internet being a world-wide phenomenon, it is clear that readership can (and is, as indicated by the map at the bottom of the page) worldwide. In this wise, I will now have only selected bits, if any bits, from my 2 year religious foray divulged on my blog. I encourage you to go back and read what I have written before. There is a lot there to mull through and should keep you busy for another year or so.

I sincerely apologize to anyone who’s feeling may have been hurt, who’s comfort may have been breached, who’s anonymity appears to have been lost, or to any one else that may have felt personally effected by this blog in the negative. It is intended merely to be a Log that I keep on the web. So from this point on, I will select snippets and stories to share, and will edit them first, so as to retain complete anonymity.

I appreciate your understanding an co-operation. I Love You All.

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and I am so pleased and honored to have the opportunity to be out here teaching it to all I come in contact with. I know that it is true, and I know that you cannot know the Church is not true unless you pray and ask God. And I know that if you do pray and ask God, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the holy ghost. and by the power of the holy ghost you may, and will know the truth of all things.

Sincerely, Elder Ethan Williams

Ethan Juggling Knives!

2010-02-14T11:45:00.002-07:00

Don't get too Dizzy reading this...

2010-02-14T10:53:00.002-07:00

February 14, 2010

Letter time, time for letter,

I’m sending you a few gifts, you know, for Valentine’s day. I hope they find you in time, for the season, you know. I hope they don’t find you late and stop being seasonally appropriate. I know how you are about your seasons and holidays and the timeliness thereof. So I hope you understand and find it in your infinite kindness and goodness and understanding to forgive me if this happens to find you after the Valentine’s day holidays have passed.

But, as is so happens, I hope that such does not become the case, meaning I hope that this does, in fact find you before Valentine’s day, therefore negating the need for apologies and forgiveness altogether. Not that forgiveness is a bad thing, in fact it is a Christ like attribute, which we all should be constantly striving to polish and perfect. And so far be it from me to take away your opportunity to better yourself, especially in an eternal and spiritual sense. And so, in this wise, I do in fact hope this finds you after Valentine’s Day, so that you can exercise your agency and forgive me for its tardiness. I don’t want to be the one who stands before the judgment bar of God and have him say to me that I took away your agency and opportunity to grow by sending this to you on time, prior to the Valentine’s Day holiday and thus abolishing the chance you have to grow and better yourself. And so, with an eternal perspective in mind, I’m not going to mail this off until after Valentines day has come and gone again.

However, with a worldly view apparent simultaneously I wish for you to receive these gifts before the holiday so that you can enjoy them on aforementioned day and appreciate the gesture. So, that is what I shall do, and I will plan to give you plenty of other opportunities to exercise you spiritual strength and resilience by forgiving me later. For example, you could forgive me that this entire letter so far has simply been talking about whether this letter will get to you before or after this holiday. I could have just as easily said simply: “So, I hope you get this before Valentine’s Day, but if not. Know that I have tried to get it to you on time.” And that would have been it and I could have gone on with the letter, addressing more important and pertinent things than these trivial matters that have just been discussed.

But alas, that is not the way this panned out. And so now I am giving you equal and ample opportunity to stretch forth your arm of forgiveness and grow spiritually by forgiving me for my folly. I hope that is some condolence. I took away the chance you had to forgive me for sending it late, but I gave you a new opportunity to forgive me for its content…unless this does happen to find you late anyway, in which case, all the better, for you shall be blessed highly of the lord for your willingness to show him your devotion to becoming a devoted disciple of Jesus Christ by forgiving me.

So, that being said, I hope you do enjoy the contents contained herein… Of course there is the one of you not wanting to become a better person, or not finding it helpful or easy to forgive me, and therefore you sulk in a deep depression for me not getting this to you in time for a Valentine’s day. If that turns out to so be, I do apologize. It was never meant to have such an effect, but rather the contrary. Rather , an uplifting effect, and a brightening of spirits should ideally take place. But if this is not the case, once again, find me exercising my Christ like attribute, humility, in begging your pardon and pleading for you forgiveness.

January 11, 2010

2010-02-01T12:44:00.006-07:00

It's different here in California, because most people don't know much about the Church, whereas in Provo, EVERYONE "knows about it." But the reality is that the Utah Provo mission is the most baptizing mission (i believe) in the U.S. if not the world. And that is because people see the example of members all the time and see the kinds of lives they live, that they practice what they preach and so on and so forth. And there is a lot of fellowship. So don't be afraid to talk to him either though.

I have gotten no truffle spoons, not yet.

I've only got 12 pages left in my journal. So i need to get another one. You can mail me one, and I'll use something else in the interrim.

A lot of people areound here have turtles. I really want one. You're so lucky Erynn.

Regarding the Memory Stick. I will send it to you once I have a new one to replace it with, so that I don't miss any days of pitcher-takin'.

Jeremy Short's insight was a really good one.

I heard about a talk that Bruce R. McConkie gave at BYU years ago about the nature and relationship of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost. If it is possible to get any set of hot, (or lukewarm) little, (or average) hands on it, I would appreciate a copy of it. It sounds interesting and things...

Dad, your hairs are like my hairs! shorty shorty short short.

I'm in a strange mood. I'm hungry. And the work here is really slow. WE find alot of people, but because our area is so small, they all either live outside our ward boundaries, or were found by Elder Edgington last transfer, when he was covering two wards (which means he could teach people in two different wards. we are now just over one ward, and so the investigators that he taught in the other ward, we can no longer teach). Or, when we do find people that actually live in our ward boundaries, we can't teach them because they are Young Single Adult age. so it's tough.

My tummy is grumbly. I'm hungry. ... (3 rhymes)

did you know that Elder Maxwell's language was so flowery that when he proposed to his wife, she responded: "I'm not sure, but I think you're asking me to marry you, if so, the answer is yes." Yeah, Erika told me that.

I got my hair cut today.

We play dodgeball everyweek.

I try to write paper letters, but haven't been too good at this very much lately. But I do voice record. I also write in my journal every day, or try to. I am pretty darn good about it too! You'll be so impressed and proud, and you'll think " wow, my boy knows how to write, I can actually read it and... " and then you'll trail off because you didn't know what point you were trying to make when you brought up the fact that I write in my journal...

Who are your home teachers?

Anyway, I'd better get going, but I'll be sending my journal home soon, and it is Chucky-Jam full of excitement and stories. Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, chases, escapes, true love, miracles... mostly.

I'm a weird Missionary, I guess.

I love you all, thank you and continue strong.

-Elder Williams

December 7, 2009

2010-01-31T15:46:00.000-07:00

Oh My WORD! I almost forgot to tell you:

Yesterday in Elder's Quorum, we were reading out of quentin L. Cook's talk "stewardship, a sacred trust" and the teacher first wanted us to define 'Stewardship.' So people gave all these explinations, and the whole time I just wanted to say "It's like Denathor! the kingdom of Gondor wasn't HIS, but he had responsibility over it! jeez you PEOPLE!" ... but I didn't. I was quietly dignified...

just thought I'd tell you.

Mission

2009-07-21T20:48:00.002-06:00

Howdy.

I'm leaving on a Mission for the LDS church tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. So I won't be posting anything clever or complainy for about two years. but letters will still be posted to the blog.

If any of you wish to contact me, please look at my facebook account, the address is right underneath my picture. OR contact my family, by way of phone, e-mail, facebook, or BLOG (that is a link to my dads blog. ask him for my info.) Thank you for reading, my devout (and under-appreciated) readership.

See you guys later

Ethan Williams

3 Ne. 18: 30-32

" 30 Nevertheless, ye shall not ^acast him out from among you, but ye shall ^bminister unto him and shall pray for him unto the Father, in my name; and if it so be that he repenteth and is baptized in my name, then shall ye receive him, and shall minister unto him of my flesh and blood.

31 But if he repent not he shall not be numbered among my people, that he may not destroy my people, for behold I ^aknow ^bmy sheep, and they are numbered.

32 Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out of your ^asynagogues, or your places of worship, for unto such shall ye continue to minister; for ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall ^bheal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them."

I Took Two Pictures. Then I Messed Around With Them. Here They Are.

2009-07-17T08:29:00.004-06:00

Señor Snail

2009-07-16T17:10:00.003-06:00

Señor Snail : an ode.

Señor snail, I never knew you
I never saw you.
But if I did,
I wouldn't have stopped.
I feel bad saying that,
but I know it's true.
You weren't a pest,
just in the wrong place.
I was mowing my lawn.
The only way I knew
you were around
was when I heard your shell
crunch into the ground.
I'm sorry I killed you,
but it had to be done.
but lets be honest,
we've had some fun.

A 7-lb Denver Burrito

2009-07-12T20:35:00.012-06:00

Two months ago, I visited Denver, CO. ( see THIS POST for what I didn't write about it) to go to a Decemberists concert. It was by far the best night of my life. I would gladly get poked in the face by ten thousand flaming needles if i could see ten minutes of that concert again. I took some pictures and some videos, and I'll post them here probably at the end of the blog.

It was on May 24 and we had just visited the Denver Zoo. It was bigger and better than Utah's Hogle Zoo. I knew about Jack-n-Grill, a place that had a seven pound breakfast burrito eating challenge. I wanted to take it, but I knew I wouldn't be able to best the beast by myself. I hoped to enlist Tucker's help. He agreed. My dad had been texting me the whole vacation, asking me for burrito updates and about whether or not I had eaten it yet. When he finally found out I was going up against it, he said to me "be strong be brave, make us proud" yes, my family likes food.

So we went to Jack-n-grill

As I said, Tucker agreed to brave the beast with me. Although, he seemed to be doing it more out of obligation and loyalty than excitement. It was more a favor to me. I had gone the day without eating. he tried, but broke down forty five minutes before we got to the burrito and bought two hot-dogs at the zoo. That, coupled with Tucker's already girlishly small appetite made him of little use. Also, another, bigger problem is that cup in his left hand. It was full of Mt. Dew. he filled it three times before our burrito came. He was very full already. But he was excited and optimistic nonetheless.

There is me, with the burrito. It came. It weighed 6.89 lbs. She weighed it for me cause she said it felt a little light. Well...

There we are, tucker and myself, reaching after the massive burrito-ey monstrosity. It is made eight eggs, 1 pound of cheese, 1 pound of green chili and 1 1/2 pounds of potatoes. I was on a diet before this. I lost thirty pounds. I felt justified in sealing it with this.

This is a good picture of how the first five of six minutes were. Us both, hapily eating. (although tucker only took about five bites in said five minutes)

And this is how it was the rest of the half hour. Tucker, feeling sick and not eating at all, and me, Happily consuming at breakneck speed... until i couldn't anymore.

At the end of the day, I ate about 4 1/2 pounds. Tucker, about 4 1/2 bites. and notice that in his portion, the food isn't actually eaten, just moved around a bit.

Needless to say, tucker was pooped.

And also, Hannah looked like a Vimax commercial.

NOW: we went to a Decemberists concert. Here are some pictures from it.

Colin Meloy! i want him to have my babies. we were standing so close i could smell his sweat. it was awesome.

Shara Worden (of My Brightest Diamond) was insane! she was jumoing around and just exuded this insane crazy energy that made everyone scream and jump and probably J*** in their pants.

Becky Stark (of Lavender Diamond) was amazing. She sang Margaret. and she looked the aprt perfectly. she was so so so good. but i think people were overpowered by Shara Worden so they didn't appreciate her as much as they should have.

Chris Funke... he was so real, I cried. I really did.

!!!!!!!!!!!

Efff!!!! I'd give up all of my hair to see five minutes of this show again.

Annan Water. He raised his hands, as you can tell. in the car on the way back home we listened tot he C.D. alot. and whenever it got toi this part, we'd all raise our hands like he did. except the car roof was so small it looked like we were just Heil-ing Hitler...

There are AMAZING videos, but they haven't been able to be successfully uploaded yet. pee! so someone else took videos of the same concert and put them on YouTube. So i'll post that link here. you can see tuckers head in the videos. he's the tall one in the middle-right ish.

The Drowned
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHVeLBcWcWQ

And

Annan Water
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfDVBC2Bbyc

And

Sons and Daughters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfJCudq1SU0

And finally, a freaking AMAZING cover of
Crazy on You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCRloetIZ08

Many many thanks to PIEHOLE2000 for being able to upload the videos I wasn't able to.

Anyway, all in all, that was the happiest, fullest day of my life.

Never going to fake another day.

2009-07-07T01:07:00.013-06:00

I need to learn to let go of things. Maybe I am just too slow emotionally. I have had a good many blogs on this topic, so I won't delve into that stuff here. I just feel like I am the slowest person in the world to be able to move on. and it hurts. I feel like I am running in one direction (be it the right or wrong, i don't think it matters, or if there even is a right or wrong direction in life) but i feel like i am running, but my heart is stuck in one place. And as it is stuck, it is slowing the rest of me down. Sometimes even pulling me back. I can't wait to go on a mission because I get to completely forget about EVERYTHING outside of the Fresno area and just focus on the Lord, who is far better to focus on than anyone or anything else. Sometimes, I really get turned on by that idea, but others, like now, for instance, I find myself not wanting to let go, not wanting to forget. I suppose that is why I keep so many things from my past, I bound up everything I have ever written (except essays and things) since I was in 5th grade. It fills 6 volumes. And I can't let go of it. I guess it's because I treasure the past, and those memories are my only way to travel back to re-visit them. I try to re-visit them all again, but it never does justice. I feel heart-sick. I have never used that word before, but it was the one that came to my mind. I am heartsick and immature. I mean, intellectually, I'd say I'm rather mature, definitely. But emotionally, I think I have a huge way to go. I mean, I understand my emotions, but I am not mature enough to let go of them. I know I can, it's not that I don't have the ability to let go, it's just that I choose not to. I feel safer with those memories, regardless of how painful they may be to remember.

I always feel like I am heading in the wrong direction, no matter which way I am going. So I change direction in my life, and I feel like I am heading the wrong direction again, and want to go back to how I was before. But of course I never can. And really, I shouldn't want to. People who can talk about how openly they love and mean it. people who can speak about it with the highest amount of truth and happiness, completely blow my mind. I respect them so much. I have only know a few in my life, but I have learned so much from them. They are not afraid to love. They are not afraid to open the deepest parts of themselves up to anyone and everyone, despite the heartache and immense pain it may perhaps momentarily bring. They live life with so much enthusiasm. I want to be like that some day. I don't want to be a curmudgeon. I don't want to be an overly sarcastic person who hides their feelings away from everyone except those who they really trust. I mean, I will always be sarcastic, and I will always be more open with those I know. But I don't want to take it to an extreme. I want people to see how happy I am about life. I want people to be able to see a picture of me smiling and then smile themselves because they can see how true that smile actually is. I never want to emotionally fake my way through another day of my life. Ever. I want to be honest and happy. I want to let go and not be afraid to tell people what I feel. Tell people how much they have impacted me. Not be afraid to sound silly for saying things. Not let rejection of my open-ness close me off to the world again. I don't want to live inside my head. I want to live inside the world. I want to live with the world. I want to LOVE. I want to be truly happy. I want to feel complete happiness at least once a day. I am tired of living afraid, you know? I'm sick of it. I am tired of staying up all night, literally, thinking about past decisions, whether they were right or not, or how they affected people, or how they could have gone differently, or how I can re-live them, or how to feel what I felt again. I have felt what I felt, And i will feel it all again. But only if I live in the now. Only if i stop living through my past. I can never feel anything new if my heart is stuck in one place, because then, when it finally springs back to me, it will speed past all the emotions I could have had between where it was stuck and where I am now.

No decision in life is a bad decision. I don't mean that in a religious sense, or in a legal sense, because obviously... but I mean that in the sense that every decision I have made has been right. And if I hadn't made that specific decision, but had in fact gone a different way, that also would have been right. I learn from people I interact with. I will always be me. No-one can ever ever change that. And I will learn what I need to learn no matter what I do or where I go. If I am supposed to learn a lesson, I will learn it through someone, wherever I am in my life. And I need to realize that there are lots more people in my life I need to learn from. Lots more people that need to learn from me, and there is lots more world to love and to open up to.

It's an easy thing to say, though, or to write, rather. Writing has always been my main way of communicating my emotions. It's when I'm actually in real life that this philosophy actually comes into practice. I cannot just let myself get on a momentary emotional high, and then go to sleep and forget about it when I wake up.

I miss people., I really really do. And that isn't a bad thing. I loved those people. but I also love people now, and I cannot neglect those I love now for people who have, more-or-less left my life. I hate the term, even the idea or leaving someones life. It makes me heart-sick. The idea that someone I get to know so well can suddenly be gone, and I will never have anything to do with them again really hurts. And i think that will always hurt me because deep down I have always had a deep love for people, somewhere inside me it is there, strong. I just cannot express it in any way. Which is why I think it manifests itself so powerfully now, because I never gave myself a chance to show my love for those people I loved when they were in my life. So I have to lament their loss and remember all my love for them after they are gone, instead of showing it to them throughout my life. I don't regret having done anything I have done. I have grown from all of it. I do, however, regret how I have acted while doing those things. And that, along with showing my love openly, all the time, is what I plan to change.

I knew someone once. That's such a sad phrase, to say I knew someone once. They are now gone from my life I sadly admit. But I knew this person and when this person smiled, and actually meant it (which was 99% of the time) it just glowed. Their eyes were so pure and radiated such extreme happiness, love and Honesty. Most importantly and noticeably, honesty. Their smile just kept going and going. And I can't even think about it without smiling myself. I want to be like that person. I regret losing them from my life, but I have learned so much from them, and I knew them a relatively short amount of time. There have been a few people like this in my life, not many, but a few. And most of them I have gotten the privilege of getting to know very well. Which is why I know I want to be like them so much. It is because I have seen how happy they are and they have tried to help me be that way too. I never took the opportunity to do so when they were there helping me, but I know now that it is because I wasn't supposed to do it then. I know now that this is a lesson i needed to learn through personal pain and sorrow and by those others example, but not under their tutelage.

Like I said earlier, I just want to be that person whose smile and eyes emanate happiness, love and honesty, and who, when people think of me, they smile. So help me out. I love you.

A Few

2009-07-06T00:44:00.003-06:00

A few new things. Look over on the sidebar, -------> just over there. I added a bundle more pictures of things I like, so you can visualize them. I'm really tired. I was planning on posting something last night, but I can't remember what it was. So, to keep you all occupied until tomorrow when I will post next, umm... I was gonna post a video to Mad World, by Alex Parks, who is Incredibly Amazing, but I can't find one without fan videos set to music, so i suppose I'll get an audio file uploaded tomorrow. See you all.

In(som)nia

2009-06-29T03:54:00.001-06:00

So:

I have had insomnia. I haven't been able to sleep. I've been writing like a mad man but I can't prove it to you. I've been watching and reading, learning and growing. Although, I hear one does most of ones growing while asleep.

Pre-Raphaelite

2009-06-26T02:26:00.016-06:00

This was going to be my new blog title banner, but then I realized I have absolutely NO idea how to code... If anyone does, and could show me how to make it my new banner, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I re-realized how much I love Pre-Raphaelite paintings. a brief overview: It was an artistic movement started in the late 1840's by a group of English painters and poets initially known as the pre-raphaelite brotherhood. this initial brotherhood consisted of William Holman Hunt, John Everett-Millais and Dante Gabriel Rosetti. Four more members quickly joined, making a seven member 'brotherhood' or club i guess. Their initial intention was to re-form art by rejecting the techniques they considered machinistic and "cliche" and bad art. They blamed in particular Raphael for they believed that " classical poses and elegant compositions of Raphael in particular had been a corrupting influence on the academic teaching of art." (whatever exactly that means) SO: they started painting using 'abundant' detail bold colours and complex compsition.

They are believed by some to be the first real avant-garde movement in art, although that title is dispute by many, "because they continued to accept both the concepts of history painting and of mimesis, or imitation of nature, as central to the purpose of art"

Anyway, here are some of my favorite paintings of theirs. I know many true art scholars will say that their art is frou-frou, soul-less and lacks a depth, but i really like it. Many of their subjects are taken from stories faerie tales and myths, as well as Shakespeare plays. (and by the way, you can click on the pictures to enlarge them. Also, the titles are below each picture, not above))

Windflowers - Waterhouse

The Shrine - Waterhouse

Princess tied to a tree - Edward Burne-Jones

The Lady Of Shallot - Waterhouse
Probably the most well-known painting by a pre-raphaelite. although, Waterhouse began painting after several of the founding members had already died. he was one of the last, if not the last painters of this era. some don't even consider him strictly classified as such. Ive noticed that the earlier his paintings are, the more detail they have. And as they get older chronologically, they become less detailed. this one was done very early, 1888, compared with others from 1910.

Juliet - John William Waterhouse

John Everett Millais: The Black Brunswicker. (ENLARGE this one by clicking on it. it looks stunning)

Gathering Flowers in a Devonshire Garden - John William Waterhouse

The Enchanted Garden - Waterhouse
ENLARGE this one too

The Lady of Clare

Mariana 1850 - John Everett Milais

Also ENLARGE this one

Spring - Waterhouse

Ophelia - Milias

Ophelia 02 - Waterhouse

Cinderella - John Everett Milais

Mariana in the South - Watherhouse

Beguiling of Merlin - Edward Burne-Jones
ENLARGE this one

ENLARGE this one, please. It's gorgeous

Head of a Young Girl - William Adolphe-Bouguereau

Now, William Adolphe-Bouguereau wasn't a pre-raphaelite. In fact, he was opposed to the pre-raphaelites. But this painting is still gorgeous. It is probably my favorite one...

Thank you for reading, and comment if you please.

From an interview on NPR

2009-06-23T02:47:00.003-06:00

“...My grandmother is ninety four years old is having a gallbladder operation in Chicago. I talked to her last night and I asked her how she was doing, which is not what you should do to a ninety four year old woman going in for an operation. ‘I’m not doing very well Brian... is this Brian? Mike? Is this Mike?’ ‘No grandma, this is Brian’ ‘I love you Brian’ she said to me ‘How’s your girlfriend doing?’ Well, I didn’t really want to tell her that I hadn’t seen her in a while and that she was living with a twenty five year old blonde surfer auto mechanic graffiti artist in downtown L.A. Having her bottom tattooed with three black cats knocking over a bottle of milk. So I said ‘Fine Grandma, she’s, she's doing fine. And she asks about you and hopes that you’re alright.’ I told her I loved her and she said ‘I love you Michael... Brian.’”

-Brian Brophy, from an interview on NPR’s Hearing Voices June 21 2009.

the URL for the interview is HERE, you can also access it by clicking on the title of this blogpost.

I just found this particular part of the interview incredible. I don't know why. The whole thing was great, but this particular part was particularly notable to me. Read it Over

Rice Crackers

2009-06-20T17:16:00.003-06:00

The thing is, with rice crackers: They are really really tasty when they first go into your mouth, but then after you bite, they start to progressively suck more. They are all dry and they taste like rice. But the first part is really good, So I eat more, but it is never quite as good as the first time.

The Compilation

2009-06-15T23:50:00.010-06:00

So it hit me today, about an hour ago, as I was reading in Mormon, the first couple of chapters, that it is so frustrating how little of all that is out there that we actually have. I was confused by it as well, and luckily for me, my dad, who is really smart about this kind of stuff, was in his chair right by me (I was laying on the couch) and so I asked him and we talked about it, and it took us quite a while to find even a partial answer. Why do we have so little of the records that were made? I mean, there are the large plates of Nephi, which contain all the records of wars and kings and things of that nature, and then the small plates of Nephi, which contain the spiritual things. But there are still the brass plates, which were records made long before Nephi was around. And then the book of Lehi. But also all the records of the lost tribes of Israel, which Jesus said he also visited. And there are records of the Jaredites. And we have so, SO little of it.

I was trying to figure out what was contained in the Gold Plates. I explained it to my dad this way: So Nephi wrote two records, the Large and the Small Plates of Nephi. The small plates containing a spiritual record of the people, and the Large plates containing a physical record of the people. Thier kings and wars and stuff. Do the Gold Plates contain both records, and the large plates, which aren't included in the Book of Mormon, were they just the sealed part that Joseph Smith couldn't access? or was the sealed part of the Gold Plates simply more of the small plates we aren't allowed to see. My dad thought maybe some of the sealed portions contained Nephi's visions that he had, but wasn't allowed to write. But we were not sure. I had no idea what was going on. There was also the book of Lehi. Was that contained in the Gold Plates as well, or was the only part of the book of Lehi that was in the Gold Plates the Mormon's abridgemt of the book of Lehi. (The abridgement of the Book of Lehi that Mormon made was the manuscript that was lost.) Did the sealed portion of the Gold Plates contain the original book of Lehi as well, or does that only exsist seperatley somewhere? The more we thought about it, the more it stood to reason that the Large plates of Nephi were a seperate record, and the only part of them that existed in the Gold Plates was the abridgement of the Large Plates that Mormon did (Mosiah - 4 Nephi)... I was lost. And frankly, a little frustrated at how little information we have. not about the compilation of the plates, but because out of all the vast ammounts of information there is out there, we have such a tiny, tiny fraction of it.

My Dad and I did some sleuthing on the internet and found out from the Lightplanet.com/somestuff that "Joseph Smith was commanded not to translate the sealed vision of the Brother of Jared, which apparently made up a substantial portion of the gold plates (Ludlow, p. 320). Although Joseph Smith translated only from the gold plates, he and his associates saw many other records (JD 19:38; Millennial Star 40 [1878]:771-72)." So!!! i found out that there were lots more plates Jooseph Smith saw, that he Couldn't Translate! It frustrated me so SO much.

My dad and I also talked about what was in the hill along with the gold plates. if the brass plates were there, which I believe i heard they were, along with the sword of Laban. and I guess now we know there were lots of plates there.

This is so frustrating because we have so little of what is out there. Although, I know it is the right thing to have happen because what we have is the most important to us, right now. And all the prophets have seen that, and I trust them. It's just... when will the new records come forth? during the Millenium? when Christ is ruling? If that's the case, why? we will be completely happy and righteous and so what will we have to learn from the new records? we could just ask Jesus, he'll be right there. I dunno. I know I need to focus less on this and more on what is actually in what we have. It was just such a strong urge i felt to recieve that extra revelation.

there are, in existence:
-Small plates of Nephi -- recieved
-Large plates of Nephi -- abridged
-Book of Lehi --abridged and lost
-Brass plates --abridged
-visions of the Brother of Jared -- sealed in Gold plates
-Records of the Jaredites (Plates of Ether) -- not recieved
-Records of other Lost Tribes -- Not Recieved
-visions of Nephi --not recieved / sealed
-other, un-known records --not recieved
-records of Zenos and Zenock --abridged

So really, we have so very, very little. I just want to read it all, but i really should just focus on what we have. In case anyone is interested, there is a link to a very good article about the contents of the Book of Mormon and the plates here: http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/book_of_mormon/plates.html

and here is an image from the aforlinked site.

Anyway, thank you for reading. please comment. Discussion is welcomed.

...a life I never really lived.

2009-06-11T09:21:00.004-06:00

Today I had another one of those horrendously awful / surreally wonderful days which was full of melancholy and remorse, brought about by a sudden bout of nostalgia and reminiscence. I hate it when that happens because I cannot focus on anything else. The whole day I am eternally stuck in the past, reliving moments, and wishing things had gone differently. Or foolishly hoping there is something I can do to fix whatever I may have done, or get back the emotions I had at whatever time, or struggling to find some way to re-live these certain events or periods in my life. But it is also a beautiful time because I get to truly peer at myself in the past and deeply analyze why I did things, and what has come from those decisions. Be it good or bad, or whatever I may term "good" or "bad" at this point. I get to see that I am stuck with the decisions I made, no matter how much they may hurt me, no matter how much I may regret some, or wish some had never happened. Or despite how much I may have hurt other people, I am stuck living with what I made.

It is at this point when I try to think of things I can do to re-connect myself with my past and get the emotions I had been remembering back at their full. It's like Heroine, I guess. People say that it is never as strong as the first time you take it, but people are so addicted to it anyway that they keep trying, knowing, somewhere inside of them, that it won't be as good. But they try anyway. I'm like that with emotions. I'm addicted to emotions, I'm an emotion junkie (if not emotional massochist) and I do whatever I can to feel strong emotions. And when I do, I remember them. And then, on days like today, I go back to them I try to get as high by remembering them as I did the first time when I actually lived them. The weird thing is though, for me, the times I get the highest are when I do remember them. The remembering is always the highest. I never feel very strongly about emotions until they are already in the past. I live emotionally in the past, no matter how hard I try. So day-to-day, I live almost numb, I mean, I feel things, it's just... you know. And then, when an important or emotionally strong event happens, I live through it, and feel the emotion very muted at the time. Like i'm living everything through seven layers of Kleenex. Then months, even years later the emotions reverberate and I feel them at their fullest. At which point I go on and dwell with them all day, living with them, loving them, embracing them, because the old emotions are all I have of a life I never really lived.

Also, Mission Update, for anyone who was keeping track (which is, I think, four people, all of which already know...) I was supposed to leave last Wednesday, the tenth of June, but my surgery happened the day before that, Tuesday the ninth. And then my throat-tube surgery is the nineteenth, so I couldn't go in until both of those were over. And it turns out that the missionaries go into Fresno in 6 week increments, so I have to wait until July twenty second to go in... poo. It's harder now to get as excited about it. I was all pumped up and ready to go, but now my excitement has deflated and my energy has dropped. I need to find things to occupy my time. Luckily, I have had no desire to go back to school or do any theatre productions at all these past couple of weeks... which is very odd for me, seeing as those are the two things I really need to do to feel fulfilled. The two things that i can actually feel at a full emotional level. Theatre sends me emotion through an amp set to 11. So it's very strange i have no desire to do it... but it's a blessing. Now it won't be a problem, getting caught up in school, or some productions or something and then not go, or have it be harder for me to go. Anyways, thanks, you guys, for reading.

And also, please comment on the post below. I know people read it, but no-one said anything... why?

Happening:

2009-05-28T17:29:00.000-06:00

Hiya all. Over the past couple of weeks I have started two blog posts, neither of which came to fruition. The first was gonna be a couple of short plays parodying famous plays, namely Waiting for Godot, Whos Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Rhinoceros. But then I dind't bother. The next was gonna be a post while I was on Lortab cause the doctor cut half my toenail off, but that wasn't interesting or funny or clever, plus my attention span wasn't that great, so I didn't bother. And now I was gonna post a four hour long blog about my four day trip to Denver, but no one likes to read detailed accounts of exactly what I did, every hour, for four days, So i'm not going to.

I'm gonna talk a bit about Denver, probaly, I'm also gonna talk about other stuff, I'm not sure what yet though. We call all find out together! Come along with me, and lets go on a journey. We'll discover things about orselves that we didn't know before, and we figure out where Ethan is going wth this post. Come! I'll lead you through the wild, woody wood that is the polluted, congested confused mind of his, giving helpful and humourous narration along the way. Lets all join hands and walk single file, the sun will be fast setting an we wouldn't want things to get weird. Open your eyes, smile, say hello to the person next to you, shake hands, high five, twirl around if you please, and we will depart. Step into the cars provided for you and shut the doors, wear your seatbelts if you wish, and put on the special glasses when instructed. Don't be afraid, feeling queasy is normal, we will soon be departing! But before we do, I must tell you, please don't pick anything up on the way. Also, in regard to the shining happy people you may see, floating about the trees, please don't grab at them, grope at them, or anything of the sort. Now, we will be leaving soon, so please touch yourself somewhere safe and make sure you're all still around. Touch the person next to you somewhere safe and make sure they too are still around, where they are supposed to be, make sure they haven't drifted off into some other stream of conciousness or into someone elses Guided Mind tour, for this is one adventure you all would want to be a part of. Now please, put on the special glasses provided you and we will get on our way. We will go on this adventure together, holding hands, walking single file, in the cars provided us, holding hands and twirling if we please, wearing seatbelts if we wish and not groping the shining happy people. Now, if we are all ready, let us depart. Depart from this place we all seem to be stuck in, and lets move. move on to bigger, things, better things, happier things, to more exciting things, more elaborate things, less congested things, less confusing things, more sedated things, less elated things. Lets all close our minds to the far away fires and focus solely on how the ripped plastic seat feels on our thighs. do you smell the aroma of Neo-daoism? if not, please try harder. rub your feet sideways across the ribbed rubber floormat and feel the vibrations through your body. Feel them entering your bloodlines, feel the powerlines. Now take the complimentary scissors provided you and snip a sensible sized piece of hair from the head or body of the person next to you. Let their essence dissolve into you. Absorb them. Become them. wear their clothes. Date their girlfirends, kiss thier kids and feel them. Above each of you hangs a small glowing orb, do not touch it. Smile and wave, try to behave. Lets all now remove our glasses and step out of the cars, please put your pants back on, and don't look at your neighbor. Hold the velvet rope ahead of you and follow the line to the twinkling stars. Please don't spin, don't twirl, don't shake, don't hold. If you will, just walk silently, in a disjointed line, back to civilization. Beware of low-hanging branches. And I appreciate your time accompanying me on this discovery. I hope you all have enjoyed the trip and please don't forget to sign the gestbook thats sitting in the tin box at the end of the trail.

Emperor Sweet-n-sour

2009-04-23T19:04:00.000-06:00

Hi friends! I was looking through a notebook of mine recently. It is made out of a Rex Stout novel, a Nero Wolf mystery called Too Many Clients (SEE IMAGE HERE) That Hannah's parents made, and I found something I wrote a few months ago.
My family was driving somewhere together and my dad saw a new Chinese restaurant called China Lily. Right down the street was another Chinese place called Rice Garden. We all saw these. Just a moment later my dad turned around and said to us:

" I think, if you want to open a Chinese restaurant, especially a quick, fast food type one, all you have to do is take two words that are loosely related to China and put them together. Like Rice Wok or Panda Chopstick."

And I thought How true that is. Here are the names of a few local valley-area Chinese restaurants, mixed with some that I made up. I'll bet you can't tell which ones I made up and which ones are real:

-Golden Tree Gourmet
-Dragon Star
-China Wah
-Ho Ho Gourmet
-China Wok
- Dragon Isle
- Rice King
- Ocean City
- Golden China
-Chin-wah cafe
- China Panda
- Spring Garden
- Chand's Dynasty Express
- Magic Wok

Now, I'm sorry, I was being tricky. Those are ALL real restaurant in the Valley area. Yes, Even China Panda, Chand's Dynasty Express, China-Wah and Magic Wok.

It's really a good point he made. Really. Now, it's your turn. comment on here and tell me your ideas for names of new Chinese restaurants. if it's helpful, I made a MadLib to assist you:

The Name Of My New
__(name of Oriental country, preferably bordering Mongolia)__
Restaurant Is
__(Name of Oriental Object or mythical creature)__
___(name of Oriental tool or cooking utensil)__!

And there you have it. Simple! An example of a completed MadLib would be something like this:
"The Name Of My New __Chinese__ Restaurant Is __Chairman Mao__ __Chopsticks__!

see! Thanks, and please comment.

Bar-None

2009-04-05T15:52:00.001-06:00

I just remembered something I loathe more than anything else on the planet. It is called:

Pity Laughter

I hate everything about it. What it stands for: encouraging the un-funny. What it does to those un-funny people: makes them do it more. And I hate what it sounds like: that less-than-halfhearted short, quiet chuckle in hopes of shutting someone up.

But what people don't understand is that it doesn't shut these people up, It makes them do it more, because people laugh at them. Now, I understand why people do this. People Pity laugh to spare others feelings, but one doesn't have to openly say "that was not funny" in order to not pity laugh, they merely need to not laugh. and usually, the people who have the self esteem to make obviously un-funny jokes can handle people not laughing. I know i've had more than my fair share of pity laughs in my time, and frankly, I find them un-necessary. That is all. Thank you. (Man, I complain alot on here. I should post more up-lifting things... sorry. I did just post a good one right before this though, you can read that too.)

I Heart:

2009-04-03T19:17:00.001-06:00

Please Watch This Video, or listen to the video, as you read this. It's a beautiful video, taken from Heima: a film by Sigur Ros. It's a song called Vaka, and they are playing it acoustically, in the middle of a plain in Iceland.

I HEART:

Aesthetics

Music

Love

The Rain

Late Night Drives by Myself to Nowhere

Frost on the Ground

Sigur Ros

Old, Rusty Farm Equipment

Black and White Pictures

Intellectual Discussions

Summer Nights with the Windows Open

The Mountains

High-Contrast Pictures

The Smell of Rain

Soft Music

Being Lonely

Being Together

Running Through Fields in the Rain

The Smell Of Laundry Detergent

Memories

Laying in the Grass at Night

Saying My Mind

Learning About People

Discovering What I Love

Seeing My Breath

Naked Trees

Old, Grainy Photographs

Silence in the Morning Outside

Cherry Blossoms

Closing My Eyes

Wanting Something So Much I Can Actually Feel It

Melancholy

Moss Growing On Trees

Cracked Statuettes

Longing

The Idea of Watching Childrens Movies as Adults

Bicycling in the Rain

Holding Hands

Honesty

Beauty

Remembering

The Video Heima

Making Others Feel

Rusty Metal

The Idea of Romantic Poetry

Old, Broken Houses

Abandoned Places

Thinking

The Water

Growth

The Smell Of Asphalt Right After Rain

State Street in Madison

Candles

The Ocean

White

Old Trains

Train Tracks

Creating

Feeling

Being Sad

Cloudy Skies

Looking at the Fallen Leaves as They Rest in a Puddle on the Ground

Wood

The Silhouettes of Trees Against The Sunset

Needing A Blanket

Missing Old Friends

Remembering Old Friends and Hurting

Homeless and the couches.

2009-03-29T12:07:00.001-06:00

So My sister Emily has this friend called Tiauna. Tiauna baught this Ugly-A trenchcoat from Savers. Okay, it's not inherently ugly, but... you know.
Emily Borrowed said trenchcoat and wore it on a walk she took. Her hair was messy, as is the norm. see image.

So: she was wearing that trenchcoat there, and had her hair all crazy-go nuts (not un-like above image) and decided to take a walk. Good for her, you know, exercise and all that. So while she was on her walk, she saw a cute little dandelion. A big one, actually . And Emily, being the Nature-Enthusiast she is, she plucked this large sized dandelion and put it behind her ear then continued walking. When Emily was on her way back home, she found a couple of discarded plastic grocery bags. And Emily, being the Upright-Citizen she is, picked up the two bags and continued on her way. a few more steps led her to some discarded trash on the ground, and so Emily just bend over, picked it up and put it in her plastic bags. This led her to the decision that while she was walking home, she would collect trash along the way. isn't that good of her? By this point, that dandelion in her hair had gone all limp, and it was barely stating in her ear. it looked pathetic. So Emily, wearing an ugly orange trenchcoat, withe her hair all messy, with a limp dandelion in her hair, carrying trash bags and bending over to pick up anonymous trash, is walking home.
minutes later a bicyclist rose past her, slowed, turned around, and then stopped next to her. He said "Excuse me... do you need recycing?"

And Emily, being the honest-clueless person she is, thought the man was merely making conversation, albeit strange conversation, replied "No, I'm just picking up trash"

The man went on to say: " Oh... do you live very far from here?"

Emily, still not getting it replied: "oh, yeah, i just live up the road a little ways, you know..."

The man asked finally: "oh... um, do you need a Meal?"

And at this point, she finally got it: "OH! oh, no no no no no! I... No, I have a Home."

at which point the biker replied: "okay, well, you never can be sure these days" and rode off.

And this si the story of how someone thought my sister was Homeless.

THE NEXY PART:

The same day, some people from my neighborhood had some old couches to give away. And the woman was looking through her phone for people who might want these old couches. She said "I was looking through my phone wondering who on earth could take these things, and then I thought Betsy!" Betsy is my mom. Our wole family is known for taking everyone elses garbage, as long as it's free. And this isn't limited to merely people old and used couches, chairs, books, food-storage, office supplies, plastic shelves, old buckets, clothing, and things like that, but also peoples old rocks and peoples animals. So of course, we are the perfect choice to dunp these couches on. Now, I'll admit, I like the couches, and when they are in our house, they make our previous used love-seat and used arm-chair look pathetic. They also add a "space" to our living room that wasn't there before. So it actually was a very nice thing. These couches are also hide-a-beds. You know, those beds that fold into the couch. But our living room is too smal to open them in.
So, my mom and sisters were up in Salt Lake at the Young Womens General Broadcast, and left myself and my father to unload these couches into our house. It wasn't too big a deal, really. I mean, my dad does have a bad back, but he took it like a man. So, after a few half-hours, we had the couches un-loaded from the van and loaded into our house! like I said, they loked nice, and while we were loading them in, I kept thinking to myself "man, I can't wait to sleep on this!" yeah, I know. I have a bad... but it's downstairs and cold. whatever.
So a few hours later my family returns from Salt Lake. My two little sisters walk in and get excited about the couches, saying they looked great, and then immediately went into how they were so much bigger than the previous couch and how they would fit so much better on this couch when they were sleeping than they would on the previous couch. The girls had no idea these couches were also Hide-A-Beds. They merely thought they were normal couches. (Yeah, we sleep on our couches.) This got me worried because I wanted to sleep on the couches, not them. And I knew they were thinking the same thing. (Before these couches, we had to sleep on my dad's La-Z-boy that we bought NEW because his back hurts alot. don't ask me to explain that please. we just don't like beds, apparently.) it was a race to the couches. prime sleeping real estate. Ironic.
Now, Emily, the sister from the Aforementioned homeless experience has 3 beds currently, not including the 2 couches. One is in "her room" which is completely littered with trash, paper, fabric, plastic, miscelaneous toys, chocolate boxes, vaccuum cleaners, mirrors, lamps, and everyting else. The second bed she has is in "Elise's room" which is kind-of un usuable because the room has some walls knocked out, and smells of must. But it is infinitely cleaner than her current room. The third bed she has in in "Erynn's room"which Erynn also sleeps and lives in, and this room is littered with clothes and dolls. But they have been making due, because of the great desire Emily has not to clean either of her rooms for some reason. So at night they cuddle together in a single bed.
That night I went to Erika's house. I got back after night time and I assumed the girls would be asleep. I walked in, and Sure enough, there they were! Asleep on the couches! I have rarely had that much rage flow through my body. I wanted to sleep there! they each had at least one bed they could be sleeping in (of course, so do I...) but instead they chose the couches. So, to get back at them, i took all of the piles and piles of clothes off of the bed in "Erynn's room" where they usually sleep and decided to sleep there. I quickly realized there was no pillow there. I went on a hunt and discovered each of my sisters was using a pillow from that bed. I thought to my self "so they had to concsiouslty make a decision to sleep on the couch. they had to walk into their room, and take the pillow off of the BED that they should be sleeiping on, and take it to the couch" well, I took one of the pillows from underneath a sister and replaced it with a couch-cushion pillow and thought very distinctly "well, you sleep on the couch, you can use the couch's pillows too!" then I defiantly went and slept in their bed. And i woke up extremely comfortably. I'm sure their necks hurt from sleeping on that dumb old couch anyway.
This is the part where you don't bother to ask me why I didn't just sleep in my perfectly good bed downstairs, okay?

Pepsi Knows Their Logos Look Like Fat People.

2009-03-27T10:40:00.000-06:00

So I was STUMBLING UPON things the other day, and I stumbled upon this:

It says "this is what I think if whenever I see the new Pepsi ads. :)"

It's from a website called... well I don't know where it originated form. I'll say it's from a site called Google.com. and I laughed at it. There was a response to it in the form of this following image:

I don't like this second image nearly as much. I think it is silly and stupid and a bit more crass and un-intelligent than the first one, but it gets the message across. And the message is: "I think Pepsi knows that their logos look like fat people!"

Well Ethan, how on earth could you claim such an un-founded thing? The answer is that it is not unfounded. See:
Now, just ignore the Mountain Dew for now, okay, it' snot important for this discussion. But if you look, you see that the regular Pepsi logo looks like the aforepictured fat person. But the Diet Pepsi has a much smaller white area, or if we refer to the previous picture, a much smaller 'tummy.' If we made a picture of the Diet Pepsi logo, the person would not be as fat! Because it's DIET! now, on the same vein, the Pepsi Max Logo would be much much fatter than even the regular Pepsi would be. He would be the MAXimum amount of fat... he would also have black trousers.

See, and you guys wondered how I justified my claims... sheesh. Pepsi totally knew their logos looked like fat people.

Q.E.D
(quod erat demonstrandum)
(which was to be demonstrated)

The ZOO: In Pictures

2009-03-22T22:09:00.000-06:00

Now, first off, I get a lot of guff for my irregular postings. I know that. Sometimes I post a lot in one week, other times I go a month with nothing. Recently, I've been in a writing mood, and since my notebook's blank page stares at me and embarrasses me, I choose the keyboard and internet as my medium. That being said:

The ZOO! On Saturday, Angie, Erika, Hannah and Myself went to the Hogle Zoo. (David, Angie's Husband is in San Fransisco for a few days, thats why he wasn't here. thats also why I'm Posting my pictures. 'Cause if he were there, I'd probably be put to shame. As it is...I'm posting mine.) And we had a good time. We packed a lunch of bagels and granola bars and oranges and grapes and... also... Capri-Sun's. We snuck them in... although we may have been allowed to take them in, I'm not sure. I like to think we snuck them. The Great Apes weren't out though... a shame. The female gorilla has cancer and the male won't leave her side, so when they took her out to do medicine on her, the male came too. So no gorillas, and only one Orangutan... sheesh.

Here are some pictures of the time we had at the Zoo:

A Smattering. (or How Adam Richman Stole My Heart and Postmodernism will Never Die)

2009-03-18T19:51:00.000-06:00

Initially, I was going to make my next post (this one) my months-in-the-making Look-Alike Post (I have 19 couples of people, most with 2 pictures each) But then I realized it was a lot of work and i also realized that the guy who won The Next Iron Chef America ( MICHAEL SYMON) and HOWIE MANDEL looked alike, so I needed to find pictures of them... (I posted links above...look at them yourself. I'll post them all later)

So, then, after I decided to put off the labor intensive Look Alike Blog, I decided I would write a blog about how Adam Richman (right) host of Man v. Food on the Travel Channel has the best job in the whole wide world and how I want to be him when I grow up.
Really. He has the best job in the world. Bar none. You know, alot of people say firemen have noble jobs, or policemen have noble jobs... No. Adam Richaman has the most noble job I know of. He eats huge foods on T.V. He will sacrifice his dignity and his comfort merely for his love of food. Some background on this noblest of men: He got a undergrad degree in International Studies, and during his travels, he kept a 'food-journal' and logged every time he ate anywhere. He still keeps it to this day. After a while, he decided he just wanted to get up and get a masters degree from the Yale School of Drama, one of the most highly acclaimed drama schools in the country. So, he did that. God bless him! He has a show called Man v. Food, as I said before, in which he travels around the country and eats stuff! Each place he goes to centers around an EATING CHALLENGE. but before the main challenge (which has ranges from a 7 1/2 lb. breakfast burrito to an enourmous slice of pizza to extremely hot wings to 'bicycle seat sized" steak, and everything in between) He goes to local eateries of the surrounding area and eats the best foods every. he finds the most delicious, greasy, pig-outy foods and eats them for us, on T.V. so he can watch it. He gets so messy and sweaty whenever he eats, it's wonderful. He says at the beginning of every episode that he is "not a competitive eater, just a man who loves food" Amen, Adam. And it shows. Here are a few of the things he has eaten, or attempted to eat on his show.
This is a burger called 'Sasquatch' that Adam was not able to finish. The buns alone weight one pound each. It is an Eight pound Hamburger, plus all the fixins'
This Giant burrito, called the 'Burritozilla' was not even a Challenge! he just got it for fun... but he only had one bite. the crowd boo-ed him, but then a world-champion competitive eater happened to be in the house, (he's called JOEY CHESNUT) and he ate this 17 1/2 inch breakfast burrito in 3.2 minutes. WOW. Adam said, in regard to Joey: “This is huge. This is like, okay, I’m a baseball player, and randomly Babe Ruth happens to walk in while I’m eating a big burrito” And then later, looking back on the experience in his Vlog: "...a 17 inch burritozilla, which he ate in 3 minutes and 15 seconds in front of me, like a warrior. I am a nobody”the VIDEO IS HERE

“Compare the size of the beautiful child to the gigantic slice of pizza”

“you can’t take small bites with a sandwich the size of a Winnebago.” This is a typical sandwich from Primanti's. Throughout the series, you see the crew and Adam wearing shirts they got from there.

This is Adam, losing a challenge to 16 milkshakes. Food won... but in honesty, I think we all won.

Yes... those are gas masks in a kitchen. And Adam ate it. New York has the worlds spiciest curry.

these were 12 of the spiciest wings in the world. Adam had to eat them and then lick all the sauce off his fingers and then sit still with no drink of napkin for 5 minutes in order to win... he did it. The interview afterward will be posted as well... my dad pointed out that he does much better with spicy challenges than with large quantities.

This wasn't even a challenge! it was just breakfast... Seriously though, whenever I order food at a restaurant, and it comes, and it's not as big as this picture, a little part of my heart dies... Man I want his job!

That entire thing becomes a pizza... and he eats it!

Holy Moses... that is a doughnut that... I want to marry that doughnut. Seriously... I hear it's legal in Massachusetts

This is the 7 1/2 lb breakfast burrito that bested Adam, you can see the high-speed video below.

High-speed Burrito-eating. Yes, that ump-teen pound pile of food is a breakfast burrito.

Adam Fields questions after he ate the hottest wings on the planet (the aforementioned 12 wings, with a 5 minute "after-burn" in which he could not eat, drink or touch anything. Wow.

Now today, I want to ask a question, nay I wish to foster a discussion. I stumbled upon a handout that MR. BAUER gave me about three years ago. It was on Postmodernism. Re-reading it, it kind of scared me.

Postmodernism respects all things equally, Shakespeare is on par with family guy. It has no 'Canon.' And there is no one single 'norm' (i.e. white, male, straight, protestant, etc) and everything else outside is different or wrong (i.e. black, women, gays, etc.) In postmodernism, every variable is in itself it's own, correct norm. So White is just as respected as black, women as men as gay as straight as Jew as christian as T.V. as Theatre as Nascar as comic books as Prairie Home Companion as Rap, etc. (this is just one of many, many elements of Postmodernism, but now you unawares folks are a bit more in the picture, and you in-the-know folks can have your minds refreshed.)

I wrote Mr. Bauer a message that contained the following:

There was a quote on the handout that said:
" If postmodernism is the condition of contemporary culture, then all culture in our time is by definition postmodern. We cannot single out or fix a style and presume that it is distinctively "postmodernism." All we can do is observe the particular forms and relations that postmodernism takes in any particular cultural phenomenon"

then in response, we cannot single out or fix a style and presume it is definitively NOT Postmodernism... So did we kind of dig ourselves into a hole here with this whole Postmodernism thing? will there ever be anything after Postmodernism? as the handout also said " Postmodernism is a process still underway" and so... is it so adaptive that nothing can break out of it?

I mean, there are insanely distinct and different theatre styles, like Moises Kaufman's Tectonic theater project, Robert Wilson, and Richard Foreman, all of whom are extremely distinct in their styles, yet all are lumped under postmodern, simply because of when they happen to be alive?

If someone wrote a manifesto saying "We are officially no longer postmodern, we are instead ___" would they still be considered Postmodern because of how adaptive Postmodernism is, and how Un-defined they are? (Postmodernism has no manifesto, neither a defined beginning or rules for being such. There are simply guidelines and general rules to look for) I mean, people have done that, right? Neo-futurists? I think? and they are Neo-futurists, They wrote a manifesto, but they are still postmodern... New Ism's are born because there is a need for change... well lots of people have seen the need for change and have made that change (Moises Kaufman, for example) and yet, since Postmodernism is so 'great' and adaptive, they can't get away.

Does this make sense?

I guess i'm just wondering your all your take on this and also asking if there will ever be a time when there is no longer a postmodernism, or if it will just be the elastic "ism" that will adapt to and incorporate everything...

Will Postmodernism Ever Die?

I really do want to know what all you think about this. please leave a comment, lets discuss.

2009-03-12T16:10:00.000-06:00

On Wednesday, March something I got my LDS Mission call. I'm gonna be spending 2 years of my life in Fresno, California, starting June 10. So that's another reason to be excited in my life. Anyway, thanks, you steady readership, you are appreciated! In fact, anyone that comments on this, I will personally make a cupcake for. The thing is, I have to actually see you regularly in order to give you said cupcake. So if you live far away, or irregularly see me, either donate your cupcake to charity, or ask me for an e-card, or something. Thanks, and see you all.

Why Don't We Just Have One Giant Wedding At Get It Over With? (or I Have Potty Stomach)

2009-03-10T01:24:00.000-06:00

First of all, I want you to know that I am Ebineezer Scrooge, The Grinch, and Mark David Chapman all rolled into one. That being said, Here is my post:

So EVERYONE, and I mean Everyone, is getting married or is now already married. Seriously. It's like a disease around here, but instead of killing people and making them die horrible, long, drawn out, agonizing deaths, it makes people happy and love each other hold each others hands and rub noses together and...get annoying-er. Now, that's not to say everyone who gets married is annoying. In fact, in reality, people are probably just as nice, if not nicer after they get married. It's just pissing me off that everyone is doing Right Now. Like, all these arbitrary Facebook groups for weddings and people all smiley and happy together, it makes me sick. And everyone that isn't getting married right now is already married. And most of them graduated High school the same time as me... which really wasn't long ago, I promise.

Elise is startled that people she went to High School with are getting married... Um, Elise, quick two things. first: Your 24, and second: You're Married. But your also cool.

Jaclyn Hales is getting married to David Lassater, and that is great, and I actually am genuinely happy for them. I really like both of them and think they'll be really great. As for everybody else... I think it goes back to that disease analogy, okay not really. But it seems like people around here don't need to actually "date" before they get "engaged." anymore. These words have been re-defined. "Dating" now means "the period of time between the Friday that you meet eachother and the Tuesday you get 'engaged' on" and "Engaged" now means "we met last friday and want to get married while we still like eachother"... Sheesh. I'm sick!

I guess the other thing is that I am leaving for two years, so all these happy, smiley, Facebook groupey people will be going about their happy, smiley, married lives and I won't get to be one of them for a long time... not that there is anything wrong with that. I mean, i don't plan on getting married for quite a while, it's just that... well, these people are my age. And that is ridiculous.

Anyway, don't mean to hate you Married folks, not at all... I'm just sick of this sudden urge to get married...At 19! And especially I'm sick at how happy eveyone is at it...I look at pictures of the engaged folks and i can just see the happiness eminating from their faces. Their eyes so honestly happy, their smiles so wide, and they look like nothing in the world could ever make them un happy, and like anything in the world that ever has, doesn't matter. They have forgotten everyone else they have ever met and are happy to disregard their vague future plans of anyone they will meet, because they are so incredibly and radiantly happy... It makes me sick. I guess i'm a curmudgeon. Sue me!

...plus! they post all these cute little things to eachother on their respective Facebook walls prefessing their love, or even worse, something less extravogant and more down to earth, like "I really wish you were on facebook right now because i ADORE you and miss you..." Honesty... where has it ever gotten anyone. You don't need to profess your undying like to eachother on eachtohers walls. Just like how in the Victorian Era you didn't have to secretly write love notes to eachother and seal them with a signature, special, secret wax seal... But everyone did anyway because it is romantic and lovely and makes the other person's heart go into their throat because they love them so much and reading that little message made them have potty stomach, in a good way. I'm just sick. I have Potty Stomach...

But in honesty, I'm glad people are getting married and being happy... sometimes it's just a bit much, Buut that time usually happens at 2:00 in the morning after a night of hard... Pepsi drinking. So Go On, get married, be happy, post pictures, be adorable and wonderful and radiant and smile for six days straight and get distracted in the middle of conversations and all that wonderful stuff engaged and newlywed people do... it's beautiful and I love it, I really do... just don't do it in front of me at 2:00 in the morning right before I leave for 2 years.

Thanks.

Putting off writing.

2009-03-04T21:24:00.001-07:00

Now, ironically, I'm writing in order to avoid writing. But I have to write a 80-100 page stage play by Monday, I need 75 pages by Friday, and I'm on page 43 today (Wednesday). I should be writing that right now, but I just don't want to. Earlier today, at Barnes and Noble I sat for an hour and fifteen minutes listening to Espers and I wrote thirteen or fourteen pages. Thats something. But, now I need to get back on and write again, and I'll be fuzzled, I just don't want to.. Shucks. Today I auditioned for SAST, Short attention Span Theatre (er) with a monologue from The Pillowman. I memorized it in about ten minutes earlier today. I think I did pretty well at the auditions, I find out tomorrow if I get called back... Hmmm. I wonder if I will (cue dream music and clouds now) (CUT TO: me... dancing?) okay, nevermind, that only worked in my head for a split second, then I realized it was only a half formed idea. Speaking of half- formed ideas, I should tell you guys about this play I'm supposed to be writing for class. Jeez.

New Post

2009-02-26T13:03:00.000-07:00

So Monday, I started writing a post that detailed the events of The 81st Oscars. Blueh. Boring. I never finished. Basically I talked about how sexy the host Hugh Jackman was, a posted a link to THIS PICTURE and how he was Australian and how the other sexy Australian actor Russel Crowe apparently wasn't sexy anymore. Then I posted a link to THIS PICTURE in regard to russel crowe. It was supposed to be funny. it wasn't. Then i went on very long-windedly about the oscar nominees and winners and some such. basically the highlights of that were... um... I talked about how Penelope Cruz wasn't written off of 30 rock before her Oscar Nomination, which is good because Amy Adams was written off The Office a week before her Oscar Nomination last year and the The Office folks felt like sheep. SO: there is a huge blog condensed and highlighted in a paragraph. if anyone who didn't see the Oscars actually cares about the Oscars, there is infinitely better coverage ANYWHERE ELSE online. So go anywhere else.

The much more elegant, enlightened, thoughtful topic I want to talk about now is how weird I feel in the handicapped Bathroom stall. I went in one of those today, that what got me thinking. Every time I use one of them, I always wonder "what if a handicapped man actually needed to use the restroom while I was in it? He would think I was Politically incorrect. Or that I had no respect for his situation" He'd get pissed. When I'm in the stall, enjoyaing all the luxuries and open space, I always think about what i would say if I walked out of the stall and there was a man in a wheelchair just sitting and waiting, staring up at me with one of those faces. You know the ones! I also always imagined him tapping his foot, but that's probably unrealistic. I also always thingk he's gonna like, punch me, or beat me up, or axe me. But really, I obsess over it the whole time. It almost makes me want to use a differnt stall, and on occasion it has, but for the most part, if i see an open, large, luxurious, handicapped stall, I use it. With the other stalls, I feel so cramped (no pun intended) and also my knees hit both walls. I also feel like if there si some sort of disaster or some deranged post office worker comes with a gun, I will have a much lower chance of escaping if I'm in a cramped stall. I don't know why, but you can't honestly tell me you've never thought the same thing.
But anyway, I get out of the stall and the upset handicapped man is staring at me, tapping his foot or some such, and he says "So..." and I say " um, I'm sorry, I never thought I would actually meet you" and then he says "why not? there are plenty of us around"
ME: No! thats not it, I just...
HIM: you think they make those stall just so people like you can use them without hitting both your knees on the walls?
ME: no, sir, i just-
HIM: or maybe you think that we can fit just fine in the other stalls, hmm?
ME: well, no.. it's just, all the other stalls were full...

This would probably be my first excuse. But in actuality, it's a weak one, because odds are, the stalls weren't all full, and odds are he came in and saw that and knew full well they weren't full. And odds are that if I start off telling a lie, then he will never trust me.

HIM: No they weren't full. I came in just now and saw you shut the door-
ME: well, not full per-sey, but I feel weird sitting in a stall next to someone...
HIM: There was no-one else in here.

This would also probably be true because I spend most of my time in obscure parts of the
Gunther Trades building at night during rehearsals, so there probably would be no-one else there... including that stupid handicapped man (not stupid because he's handicapped, but just.. you know!)

ME: well, I mean, it's just really roomy in there, you know?
HIM: No, I don't, I spend all the extra room in there getting out of my wheelchair *cough* and taking off my leg braces *wheeze* and then remembering my dead puppy
ME:...oh, oops.
HIM: oops won't cut it buddy, I'm gonna axe you so good.
ME: oh... ummm... *runs away*

At this point I realize I can just run away and he can't catch me because he is in a wheelchair and he needs to go to the bathroom.

Abilify?

2009-02-19T23:33:00.000-07:00

So today, I saw a commercial . for the Anti-depressant / Bi-polar medication 'Abilify.' Wow. What follows is an un-edited, exact transcript of the commercial that actually got aired on T.V. The first half of the commercial merely states that if your anti-depressant alone isn't enough, talk to your doctor about adding Abilify. Then they go straight into this, in the same sing-song, everything-is-going-to-be-alright tone of voice. But if one actually listens to the words, they will fast realize that everything, most definitely, is not going to be alright on Abilify.

"Call your doctor if your depressions worsens, you have unusual changes in mood or behavior, or have thoughts of suicide: Anti-depression medications can increase these in children, teens and young adults."
Okay, awesome. My depression medication will actually increase my risk of being depressed and committing suicide. But only if I'm a child, teen or young adult. at least there's still middle age and elderly.

"Elderly dementia patients taking Abilify have an increased chance of Death or stroke" So much for elderly.

"call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles, and confusion while on Abilify, as these may be signs of a life-threatening reaction. Or uncontrollable muscle reaction, as these may be permanent."
wonderful! I get to take my depression medication, become more depressed, and then be permanently disfigured. hooray. I don't see any cons to this medication so far.

"high blood pressure has been reported with Abilify and medicines like it. And in rare cases increased blood pressure has lead to death or stroke."
Hang on, The medicine increases blood pressure, and the then increased blood pressure can lead to my death... That doesn't seem like it would be caused in any way by the medication.

"Other risks include dizziness upon standing, seizure, impaired motor skills, and trouble standing"
Jeez, if i had trouble standing, I'd be depressed too. luckily, iIve just heard of this great medication, Abilify...

"talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of taking Abilify, If an anti-depressant alone isn't enough."
Wow. i can only think of two doctors who could possibly think prescribing this to anyone would be a good idea:
Dr. Nick Riviera

And Dr. Leo Spaceman (spuh-CHEH-men)

And they are both fictional.

The link for the video is HERE.

I will also try to add it to the blog:

Also, I would like to post a quiz that I made for you guys. Just a little fun thing for my readership.
Which Of These Names Is A Medication And Which Is A Name From Middle Earth:

http://www.quiztron.com/tests/tolkien_or_medicine_quiz_129329.htm

Under Appreciated

2009-02-18T00:24:00.000-07:00

So I was talking to Erika yesterday evening, and we were discussing how awesome Nina Nastasia was, and then we realized how whenever we play any song by hers out loud, no-one comes up and says "oh, Yeah! I love Nina Nastasia too!" and that got me thinking about how under appreciated she actually is. She's an amazing musician and has incredible albums, but no-one seems to know about her. So, I decided to make a post devoted to the three things in each category I feel are the most Under-Appreciated. Today's Caterogy: MUSIC. (More To Follow)

To clarify, this isn't going to be some "I'm gonna just post indie bands so people will know how musically aware I am." Or "I'm just gonna type in a bunch of Wes Anderson movies or old AFI top 100 movies" No. I won't put down The Shins or Arcade Fire or Joanna Newsom. And I won't say movies like Rushmore, Plan 9, or obscure HBO-films. This isn't a post for me to gloat in my 'unique tastes of millions' but rather, hopefully get people to be able to hear a song and finally say "Oh! I love____________too, They're really great"

So, to begin, I will make my music list. the top 3 musical artists I feel are the most under-appreciated.

MUSIC

1) Nina Nastasia - Reccomended listening 'Our Day Trip'

She may look like a Nordstrom attendant, bu she is an amazing musician. She has a slightly haunting voice, but very earthy tones. She makes me think of an overgrown backyard seen through one of those grey, smokey filters. In March of last year, she opened for Swell Season, the actual band from the movie ONCE. She is, by far, the most under-appreciated musician I know of. As I said, people should hear her songs and say to eachother "oh! I love her!"

"Nina Nastasia's rare gift of a voice is an intimate, winged presence that is able to either freeze or melt your heart; that can powerfully soar and twist, or brush ultra-gently against you, suddenly summoning goose bumps. Mojo commented on its ability to "suck the air out of the room". Picking over themes of love, longing and loss, childhood, dreams and human dramas, her beautifully concise, hook-laden songwriting and the spare arrangements of her band have a certain gritty, rustic charm and intensity. Simultaneously tough and fragile, her songs crackle and smolder with an intimate emotional honesty and a dark undertow."

-fatcatrecords.com (http://fat-cat.co.uk/fatcat/artistInfo.php?id=108)

2) William Fitzsimmons -recommended listening: 'Funeral Dress' and 'It's Not True'

He may just look like another bearded, lonely singer-songwriter. But he is definitely not simply that. His music is soft and heartfelt. You can hear the pain in each of his whispered words as it rolls out of his mouth, scratching the gravel on its way. There may be comparisons to Iron & Wine. But please, don't. He is not the same. Albeit, he deserves the same attention that the aforementioned has received, it is for a completely different reason. He can create a mood in a single note. A whispered prologue. I have never heard a musician play and sing with more heartfelt honesty as William Fitzsimmons.*

" Thinking that this would be just another album by the run-of-the-mill indie guy with a guitar, I had my doubts on whether or not it would be a pleasant experience. I thought that this album would just be one man’s problems thrown into a bleak musical affair. But, oh, is it so much more than that. Empathy, sadness and hope quickly overwhelms you as you listen to this album song by song. Simply put, this album is a beautiful masterpiece. “After All” starts off the album with a piano solo and a man’s confession about how much he loves his wife and his desperate plea to get her to return. The album continues with this same mood for a few songs until you get to “If You Would Come Back Home,” which provides a rhythmic drum beat and beautiful vocals.

Right about now, you’re probably thinking that this is just some sad guy speaking into a mic telling the world his story. Well, truthfully, it is, but, William’s voice is one-of-a-kind and is a pleasure to listen to. His lyrics are fine poetry, to say the least. "

-Michael Black (www.reviewsinrepeat.com)

*-barring Colby Stead, who's fanbase is because of how open and heartfely he is. (that isn't a bad thing, I am a fan myself) But there is a difference between singing with honesty and having group therapy.

3) Loreena McKennitt -recommended listening: (Album: The Visit, The Book of Secrets) 'The Highwayman' 'Dante's Prayer'

Loreena McKennitt is a Canadian musician who plays a contemporary blend of folk and Celtic. I suppose some may categorize it as New Age. Don't. It's ethereal. As the title for one L.A. times article said "If You Must, Label Her `Enlightened' Pop music: Loreena McKennitt... sings ethereal material, but don't pigeonhole the harpist as New Age." And I agree completely. Her music is gorgeous, yes, ethereal, sure, moving, completely. And yet she is still nearly un-known. She has been commissioned to write music for several Canadian t.v. miniseries' and narrated and wrote the theme to a Disney Movie. Yet, alas, no-one knows her. I suppose part of the problem is there isn't a real huge market for Ethereal Celtic harpists. But once you hear her, you'll say "well, why the H not?"

"McKennitt's recordings always have the quality of a spiritual sojourn; her songs are those of a seeker, whether she's setting Yeats, Scripture, or her own words to her compositions. It's this that attracts people to her music."
-unknown

"McKennitt's skills at composition and orchestration are still at their peak. As usual, the showcase here is her incredible voice and her thoughtful, literate lyrics; but also as usual, what sets her apart from the pack of Celtic new-age fluff-makers is her warm and full instrumental backing. Stringed instruments and eclectic percussion predominate, and often McKennitt will see fit to pass a particularly good theme through a number of different instruments. The instrumentals "Marco Polo" and "La Serenissima" are particularly good examples of this. On the other hand, "The Highwayman" is this album's "Lady of Shalott" - a long narrative set to music. In this case, it works a bit better, and there's real drama there... quite an accomplishment."
-Brandon (http://www.progreviews.com/reviews/display.php?rev=lm-tbos)

"I was given this album years ago. Whilst my taste in music has changed with time, there is nothing that will surpass Loreena's haunting voice and beautiful music."
-Jeremy (www.emusic.com)

ANYWAY... this concludes part one of the Under Appreciated. The runners up for the top three spots were:

-The Finches
-Jens Leckman
-Heather Duby

Check them out too, please.

Photoshops I Did Myself

2009-02-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture I made on Photoshop. I've been photoshop crazy the past little while.

So... Theres a photoshoppy picture I made that I am proud of.
and America, I need your help.

I need your honest opinions in order to help me. I'm gonna put up a few photos here and I would ask that you all tell me with ones you like the most. Preferrably which three you like the most. I have a poll in the upper right corner of my blog (look and see) that you can rate on, or, if you don't have a blogspot I.D. then just leave a comment. Thank you.

The first Image, (A) is the the photoshop picture. (A) is the Walk one,

(B) Birdhouse
(C) Trees
(D)New York Street
(E)Ski-lift
(F) Woman in NYC

Anyhow, Thank you very much, and please comment.

DeVotchKa, and The Car (OR The Ethan Williams, Hannah Hillam and Erika Eddington Experience Featuring The Salt Lake Trip)

2009-01-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

Hiya.

Yesterday, I drove to Salt Lake to see DeVotchKa play a concert at In The Venue. A band called Crooked Fingers opened for them. Crooked Fingers were really good. We all thought they were Irish because not only did the guy look like Glen Hansard, that other broken hearted Irish singin- songwriting kinda guy. But the man talked with an Irish accent. So naturally, we jumped to the conclusion that he was Irish. He wasn't. He's from North Carolina and lives in Seattle and Denver. Embarrassing. But he really does look like Glen Hansard though, Right? Granted, Eric Bachmann (from crooked fingers, Mr. Faux Irish) has about fifteen extra pounds and one fewer Oscars, but still, you can see my confusion.Eric Bachmann, Faux Irish.

Glen Hansard, Real Irish.

Again, Fake Irish
And Real Irish

Anyway, Confusion to say the Least. But, I really liked Crooked Fingers. I also liked Devotchka Quite a bit.

-5:30-
We (Erika, Hannah and myself) left from Provo with Erika's mom's car at 5:30. we were going to stop and get something to eat in Salt Lake, but when we were on the freeway, 30 minutes on the road, We realized we didn't have the tickets, so we turned back and got them. Luckily enough, we still had plenty of time to make it to the concert because we had the foresight to allot ourself time to eat. Well, needless to say, we didn't eat. we went straight to the concert because the time that we were going to spend eating was spent getting tickets from back in Provo instead. But we were all okay with that. After a bit of backtracking and driving around in search of the address, we arrived, healthy and hopeful.

-7:40-
As I entered the In The Venue, there were only about fifty people there, granted it was only seven forty, but still, I was surprised. So the three of us weaseled our way to the very very front of the space and never left.(CLICK on the picture, it makes it bigger and readable)

The time seven forty is significant because usually the band is said to play at eight. but of course that means at eight thirty. and this was no exception. Crooked Fingers got on at 8:30, introduced themselves briefly in an Irish accent and played about seven or eight songs. There was someone next to us who was singing along with them. Apparently, he didn't come to see DeVotchKa, but Crooked Fingers. good for him. he was so happy and jumpy aroundy. anyway. In the band there was a very ugly woman playing the bass. I thought that the ugliest woman in the music business was Jenny Conlee of the band the Decemberists, who happens to look just like Josh Brown, from several Local Bands.... but this girl was also very ugly. Here are their pictures.
Ugly but extremely talented Jenny Conlee of the Decemberists
Equally (and Identically) Ugly Josh Brown, of Several Local Provo, UT Bands. it really is scary how simmilar Josh Brown and Jenny Conlee look. I might even put up more pictures to prove the point... later. Right now I'm just happy I found a picture of Josh Brown in a dress.
And the Crooked Fingers Bassist, Miranda Brown. Wow, what a group of lookers.

anyway, as we were waiting for DeVotchKa to come on stage, a group of sweaty kids shoved their way up to me and started yelling a lot and talking really loud. they were anxious to see the band and also mildy-moderately drunk. The main yell-er of this group was this high school aged boy. He had a greasy indie-mullet, which is a mullet that comes to a point, apparently. His voice was so grating and high pitched it really could have broken something if there hadn't been so much other ambient noise around. This boy would yell everything. and make words much longer than they had to be so he could end up yelling in his grating voice for longer. He and his drunk friends thought this was the funniest thing they had ever seen and laughed and shook their heads alot. This, needless to say, encouraged the drunk boy. and so for the forty five minutes until DeVotchKa came on, they did this, and he yelled in the bar none most annoying voice I had ever heard.(There actually is, coincidentally, a picture of one of the drunk boys behind me in a picture Erika took of me, so i'll put it up right here. he looks a lot like Eli Bendowski...)

During the course of this, they began to encroach on our space, so I made a box out of my back and shoulders and grabbed a hold of the railing, one hand on either side of erika, so they wouldn't bump into her, and to make sure they didn't push her away and make us lose our space, (which i'm sure they were trying to do. there was no one in front of us.) and I didn't let go the rest of the night.

So the whole night people were pushing up against us, but I held strong. Later, another crowd of drunk friends pushed their way to the front. They started arguing with the annoying kid behind us. and eventually the annoying kid got separated from his friends. To which the leader of the new drunk group (and her shaggy haired boyfriend) told them not to worry about, and that they can make it one night away from their friends. I was happy because I thought someone would finally make this annoying boy shut up. Nope. After a while, they actually all started playing together and yelling together and pushing together. Their favorite hobby was to either 1) grab strangers and rub their hands over their arms and backs , or B) swaying and rubbing into people and full body dancing on strangers. Well, in most cased, due to my proximity to them, I was the stranger at the butt of all their drunken fun. But I held strong to the railing and kept Erika from being danced on and pushed out of the way. I was constantly being pushed against and grabbed and rubbed and trying to be pushed and moved out of the way. And because I didn't smile and laugh at their games, they attempted, very poorly, to make fun of me.

-9:20-
at about 9:20, 40 minutes after Crooked Fingers stopped playing, and 40 minutes after the most annoying group of people EVER started to push and bump-n-grind and yell on me, DeVotchKa finally came on. They had a Sousaphone (Marching Band Tuba) with blue Christmas lights stung around it and an accordian player. Later in the show, they also had an acrobat come on for a song and dance on a curtain. it was cool. Here are some pictures.

She also plays the Sousaphone.

The Blue-lit Sousaphone
The Gymnast, high above the ground... looking like a butterfly

right here, she's about 25-30 feet off the ground
And here, she is actually in the middle of a 10 foot free-fall.
a guest trumpet player who looked a lot like Ethan VanDer Ryn.

Anyhow, that was good. and it ended. But as it turns out, Hannah had hit her head a couple of days before hand, and just realized she probably had a concussion. her head hurt, she was dizzy, and nauseous. And the smoke and heat wasn't helping. Neither was the fact that we hadn't eaten since before three that afternoon. So we left during the encore songs and went out to the car, Erika's Mom's car, two blocks away.

-10:45-
It was unlocked... but nothing was stolen. So we hopped inside, already making plans on where to go to eat, and what we were going to get. I turned it on... and nothing happened. I tried again: nothing. No lights, the engine wasn't even turning over. I said "uh-oh" and then hopped the H on out of there. Erika was slightly distraught on account of this being her mom's car. I popped the trunk and got out the jumper cables. I then proceeded to walk out into the road and wave a car over to pull in to help us. Luckily, and nicely, the first car I waved pulled in. He was a nice, stout, mid thirty year old man with long hair. we tried a couple of times to jump it, it didn't work. he suggested we try to put the black cable on to a ground. We tried that, it didn't work. so we let him go after he helped us for ten minutes or so.

I called my dad. Erika Simultaneously called her mom. I had to use Hannah's telephone because mine was dead. Hannah's phone was to die soon as well. Erika's phone had one bar of power left. I got off the phone with my dad. He said sometimes one needs to let the battery charge for a few minutes, the car with power just running it's engine with the jumper cables attached to the 'dead' battery. And Erika's mom said that sometimes cars need to have oil in them in order to start. I recalled that on the way up a "you need oil" sign popped on up. so that seemed like a logical reason. But with a significant lack of oil (none) i stopped another car. The man was reluctant, and said he had no bumper cables. i told him we did. So he was nice enough to help us out. He sat and revved up his engine. we sat there "charging the battery" for about seven minutes. then we tried to start it, nothing happened. so he too suggested putting the black wire to a "ground" so we did and revved the engine for a few more minutes, at which point he told us he needed to leave. I thanked him and said that if it would ever work, it would have worked by now. So we tried it and ... It didn't work. We were stuck

-11:30-
Long Story Short (too late) we called my dad. he agreed to drive up to Salt Lake, 45 minutes away, at 11:30 at night to help us out. In the mean time, freezing-their-butts-off Erika and Hannah, needed someplace warm to be, and someplace to eat. So we made the communal decision to walk someplace warm and eat. we asked a man outside of In The Venue where the closest eatery was. He told us some directions, and pointed easte-west when talking about north-south directions, and visa versa, i think he was confused. so that didn't help terribly much. We talked on the way about how we had all had feelings to charge our phones (Hannah's and mine were both dead, with Erika's jsut hanging on) and to buy oil on the way up and Erika had actually thought of bringing blankets. all of the feelings we dismissed. stupidly. Eventually, we ended up at a Marriot Hotel. there was a Wendy's next door, but all except the drive through was closed. so no food yet. but there was warm. we waited inside about 20 minutes, then my dad called. He was here. So i left with him to fix the car while the girls stayed in the hotel till we were done.

-12:30-
Another long story short: it's 12:30 now. We put 2 quarts of oil in the car, and we can't get the car to jump no matter how long we charge it for. We can't even get the dashboard lights to light up more than a flicker. And even then, it's only two or three of the lights. So in a last ditch attempt, through inspiration, my dad decides to try OUR jumper cables. the minute we attach them the car jumps to life. all the dashboard lights light right up and the car purrs to life immediately.
(Erika's cables were pathetic, almost dollar-store versions of the manly, buff cables we have. so it should go without saying that the cables held the problem. oh well. Erika's mom said they'd buy new ones.) So, I take Erika's mom's car and my dad agrees to follow behind us, but, what else could really happen right?

I pick up Hannah and Erika from the Marriot. Hannah, who is getting weird, and sick, and delirious and quite hungry, what with a concussion is shivering and singing strange olde-english tunes. We decide to go to a Village in if we can find one in SLC, if not we'd just hit the Denny's in Provo on the way back... HA!

We don't find one in SLC. so we begin to drive home, Hopeful of what the near future will bring. namely, a full belly and warm feet. But oh how wrong we were:

-1:15 a.m.-
Point of the Mountain, UT. the car stops responding to the accelerator. I pull over. My dad is right behind me. We communicate in the cold for a few minutes, eventually, we decide to try it again. I make it about 10 ish more miles, then it happens again.

-1:45 a.m.-
10 ish miles after Point of the Mountain, UT. the car stops responding to the accelerator...again. I pull over. Erika calls her mom and explains the situation. My dad is concerned that we will ruin her car if we keep trying. she says to keep trying for right now but if it still doesn't work, push it as far onto the edge as we can. So, with a few attempts to start the car, one finally works and we take off again.

-2:00 a.m.-
we are about two and a half miles away form the 1600 North Orem exit. and the car starts sputtering, then banging then if made a big puffy of smoke out the back and then I pulled over. Hannah is in the back seat curled up in the fetal position with ablanket covering her, still singing her Olde-Englishian ditties. The concensus between everyone is this is probably a fluke and we are probably pretty close to some exit or another, so we'll try one more time. i mean it 2:00 in the morning for heavens sake. so we try one more time

-2:05 a.m.-
It bumps and patters and sputter again and stops reacting to the accelerator. this time, we agree not to drive it. we are right past a sign that says 1/2mile till 1600 north exit. We are about to push it to the side of the road whan my dad remembers he has a tow strap in the back of his car. so he gets it and he and i (mostly him though...) attacht the two cars together via this tow rope. then we get on our phones and call eachother in order to talk ourselves through this procedure. so we begin to drive, him towing, and both talking on the phone to one another. Hannah needing food, Erika needing food, myself needing food, my dad needing sleep, we manage to drag ourselves and this car...

-2:11 a.m.-
...another 1/4 mile before the rope breaks. well, not breaks, thank goodness, just comes untied. so we pull over again. Hannah, deleriously asks for food. my dad taking it in stride knowing that she has a concussion and offering her coke, and stuff like that. He also ties the rope back on the car and we manage to pull it up the final hill and coast it into a parking lot right off the exit!

-2:25 a.m.-
Erika takes the drivers seat after we have found a spot to park in and cleared that spot out. My dad and I push as erika steers the car into the parking space. hooray. Then we all pile in my dads Nissan Sentra, and head to food. Hannah is hungry, tired, nauseas, delirious, and has a migrane, plus some other stuff too that i can't exactly remember, she needs to eat more than any of us. that's not to say we weren't all hungry, i mean, we hadn't eaten since three that afternoon,a dn had had kind of a rough night. So, we drive to IHOP, because it is much closer than the Denny's in orem.
God Bless America. and IHOP, for being open so kindly 24/7.

-2:45 a.m.-
We all arrived at IHOP,and we waited momentarily to be seated. we all got in and got comfortable and ordered waters. then i left to take my dad home and then to return to IHOP for the rest of the folks.

-3:00-
I arrive home with my dad, who stumbles to the door in his sweat pants and says good night. Thanks dad. Thank you dad, I really, truly appreciate that.

-3:20 a.m.-
I arrive back at IHOP to find a water waiting for me and a Hannah who is slightly more with it after having had some water. Long story short, our food arrives and I have honestly, truley, never seen anyone eat so much food so fast. And i'm a college-age male. It was probably the most appreciated food this side of the Atlantic since 193?. plus, I didn't know IHOP could make food that delicious. Erika ordered for me while i was away. it was a chicken sandwich. the waitress geve it to us then left. She came back to check on us the first time, to ask "is everything tasting alright?" but when she did, I merely looked up at her, with the last bit of my burger/sandwich being shoved in between my teeth and she just laughed and walked away. saying as she left "well i guess so."

-4:00 a.m.-
we arrive at a much renewed and revigorated hannah's house, having decided that if she wakes up feeling sick and concussed tomorrow, she should go see a doctor. (we had been prodding her all night to see one, she refused.) She also realized she didn't have her keys and her door was locked. but decided to just wake ehr roomate up and make her let her in.

-4:15 a.m.-
I drop Erika off, and tell her mother "i'm sorry" and write down the address of where the car is.

-4:25 a.m.- I arrive home just as my mom is waking up. She askes a vague question like "how was your night?" ... she had no idea.

It turns out my dad left after she was asleep and got home just before she woke up. so I told her I'd be writing a blog about it and was too tired to explain it tonight. And so now, here I am, writing a blog about it.

That is the story. Thanks for bearing with it all the way through. I tried to keep it interesting through the use of pictures and a link to see who Ethan Van Der Ryn is, but it's hard to keep this exciting.

Thanks for reading.

Stanislavski, Meisner, Beckett and Bogart

2009-01-13T16:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm sure all of you know who Stanislavski is. Who Beckett is, who Meisner is and who Bogart is. But for the select few who don't, I'll explain.

Constantin Stanislavski: A Russian actor and theatre director who has been cited by numerous people and sources as the father of the modern western acting style. He's the first one to say "feel it first, then the acting will come naturally" as opposed to the English way of "outside-in" acting. Ever heard someone say, when someone needs to cry onstage, "think of your dead puppy?" or your dead mother? That's Stanislavski. Relate something in real life to your acting to make it more real. This is the most commonly taught and accepted form of acting.

Sanford Meisner: "live truthfully under imaginary conditions." Don't do anything until something makes you do it. Don't say a line just because you have to, say it because you need to say it, because you can't possibly hold it in if you don't. I had it explained to me once as this "Meisner used Stanislavki-type approaches in rehearsal. But in performance, it is all in the moment. your character has had those experiences, dead puppies, etc, but isn't having them at that moment. He's living " Make it a real history, not a choppy, un-related history. He believed, as he said,"the foundation of acting is the reality of doing"

Samuel Beckett: Was a Nobel-Prize winning playwright and many say the father of the Theatre of the Absurd movement. But he also had a lot of things to say about directing. Or, rather, how his plays should be directed. (In fact, he directed all of his plays first productions after 1962-3.) And most importantly (in my opinion) was that he said that his characters were clowns. Clowns meaning: a character with no past and no future. They exist and live for the moment. Key points to understand about Beckett's idea of theatre: 1)Characters have No Past, No Future. 2)If Looked upon from far away, this moment is absurd. 3) We are strangers to each other, People cannot have meaningful relationships.
And directions on directing Beckett: A)Beings as strangers B) Communication does not work- language is a tragedy C) non-traditional plot structure. (We don't move on.) -Let Moments exist. D)They say what they mean. If they are gonna show people waiting, then the audience is gonna wait too, and miss out on buckets of other things that they could be doing in life, just like the show.
Beckett, as he grew older, became increasingly more minimalist. one of his last plays, Breathe, lasted only 35 seconds, and had no characters, just breath. Are you beginning to see the differences between these directors now?

Anne Bogart: The inventor of The Viewpoints system. A way of navigating space and time in manageable chunks in order to create more compelling and real theatre experiences. These include shape, tempo, duration, kinesthetic response, repetition, architecture and She is also the author of a book, 'A Director Prepares' a play on the book written by aforementioned Stanislavski called 'An Actor Arepares' in this book, she gives 7 essays on what she thinks make s theater. one of my favorite quotes fomr her book is :
"Every creative act involves a leap into the void. The leap has to occur at the right moment, and yet, the time for the leap is never prescribed. in the midst of the leap, there are no guarantees."
-Anne Bogart (about embarrassment)
.She is a tony-award winning director and has directed many shows as well as start her own theater company.

Now, I bring all this up for you to see how many differnt styles of acting and directing there are. these are just four very small sampling of what there is in the world, for example, Brecht, who thought that the audience should be detached from the play and never connect to it emotionally, that way they can think about what they are seeing and learn from it... But, i found these four directors a good sampling of what there is.

I wrote a play and was involved in the producing of it (as you can see by my previous blog) and we originally cast one actor to play the lead part. He kept feeling the need to go all Stanislavski on our butts. finding a past and being true to his character. which is fine i guess if thats how he wants to do it. But then after like, two weeks, we had gotten nowhere with him. He still wasn't memorized, and still felt like he needed to connect to Devon as a person (Devon was the name of the character) before he could even memorize or do blocking. We humored him for another week. at this point we had one week until performance and we still didn't have a lead who was memorized or blocked at all, and the energy of the show was non-existent.

We had told him several times, in several ways that we didn't need a real person. that this show was presentational, nor representational (Representational theater: making the audience feel like what theya re watching is real. Presentational theater: showing the audience a story, letting them know they are watching something) Anyway, we told him that and he just didn't get it. i tried explaining parts of Beckett's directing to him,a dn it didn't mesh at all. So i tried to go Meisner on his butt. Get a character, but don't rely on it. It's there for you, not the audience. use whatever part of a character you may have to make your performance more real. it didn't work. He just didn't understand the concept of Presentational theater. he felt like he needed to completely believe and know the exact reason for everything he said before he could say it. An dthe thing was, that only happened in a rehearsal once, and even then, it wasn't stupendous. it wasn't waht we needed. it lacked the energy needed. So we gave him an ultimatum and
ultimately, we replaced him.

I guess i just needed to vent and thought that in order to properly vent, you'd need to understand those directors and how they differ. He wanted to be Stanislavski, we needed a more Beckettian approach. Becket / Brecht. and he couldn't understand that there was a different way to do it.

I think that is a flaw in the common Theatrical education system, is that the Stanislavski method is so highly taught and regarded that many students believe that it is the only way. I would have to if it hadn't been for my high school drama teacher that came my junior year. he opened my eyes to other worlds of theatrical possibilities, not only acting wise, but with the whole concept of theatre. And so i was fairly well educated when i left high school, and i thought that what he taught was what every other high school taught as well, and i had just had a poor teacher my first two years. but no. No. Most teachers teach out of 'an Actor Prepares" and do shows like Oklahoma and Annie Get Your Gun and don't even acknowledge that there is any kind of theater beyond what was happening in the 1930's & 40's. and even there, only the Broadway stuff.

It is just so surprising to me how much teachers stifle their students. sure, they teach them very well in Stanislavski, and even Mesiner, if they are edgy. But not a single other, Non-Bob-Bauer-trained high school student I know of knows the difference between symbolism, surrealism and Dada. Or the difference between Absurdism, Dada and Postmodernism, or how to do a Marxist deconstruction of a play or a feminist deconstruction of a play. or even the difference in directing styles between the two Absurdists, Beckett and Ionesco. And even in college, one has to search out this kind of information and classes. I'm just so glad i learned what i did when i did or else i wouldn't be where i am.

Jump On It And a Play I Wrote

2008-12-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

Greetings all. It's been over a month and a half since I've posted. Sorry. I've started several entries, but as we can see, they didn't work out. But I shall post this one. You'll see! I won't just half-heartedly stop and go do something else. No, not me! I shall POST! And post I shall. yes. just you watch me... I'll do it.

So a few weeks ago, i went to Jump On It! it is this giant warehouse that was converted by some brilliant entrepreneurs into a giant trampoline house of fun! it has trampolines on all the floors and walls and... that's it. Just a lot of trampolines. That's all. Just... yeah. Well. Here's a picture I snuck from inside.
Now doesn't that just look like a hoot! Here's another.
Oh my Land! what fun!

The best part is it cost $8.00. I'm not sure if that is to get in or per hour. regardless. We had to sign a novel-sized batch of paperwork. I didn't read it. I assume I was signing my life away. so that if I broke a limb, or killed myself, they couldn't be held responsible. Kinda like someone giving you a loaded gun and then shoving someone like Paris Hilton or the cast of Deadliest Catch in front of you and then quickly having you sign paperwork that says "even though we gave you all the means and the perfect conditions for death, you can't sue us. We didn't pull the trigger" It was kinds like that. But luckily enough, they don't check the names, so I couldn't have signed Daffy Duck if I wanted to, and then I could have sued... Not like I did that... And speaking of perfect conditions for injury or death, I saw at lest 5 people fall through the springs while I was there. I mean look at this:

These "mats" that look like they are firmly attached to the trampoline to keep anyone from getting their legs caught and broken in the gaps with the springs, are actually just carpet. Gently laid on top. And they bounce away from the springs whenever anyone bounces near them.Which is quite often. And so giant holes get left and peoples legs can slip through. (Like above image, where Angie's leg actually did fall through.) But the above image is just a tiny little taste of the sizes the gaps really were. Like I said, I saw at least 5 people fall through there. it was terribly unsafe. But you know what, that's okay because besides signing our lives and rights away, the brilliant people there at Jump On It did another nice little thing to help us out:They put up tiny little signs. I think I only say three signs the whole time I was there
And two of them were right next to each other. Incase you didn't see one of the small signs, they put another small one at knee hight for you to not see. Thaks for the advice Jump On It! The third sign was at the desk... Money well spent I'd say. Safety first. Oh! and the safety nets! They are loose enough so that if one were to actually fall into it, rather than let you be safe and continue bouncing, One would fall down, wrap around under the trampolines, and be trapped and bounced on. so again, Money well spent. And when I say 'Money Well Spent', I don't mean on the signs or the nets, no that would be stupid, they aren't safe at all. I meant on the papers we have to sign. I mean they are really thick, so alot of printing costs. but you know what, if they didn't have them, maybe they could actually afford to keep things safer: actually protect the giant gaps between the trampolines that kids can break themselves in, get safety nets that work and buy more that three post-it-note sized signs that they put at knee level. But then again, if they did that, and actually made it safer, they would need to have all those papers... hmmm. Catch 22.
But look at how much un-safe fun these kids are having, despite it all.

I got this video from their website. I'm sure the reason it's so short is they had to cut right before that kid in the red fell through a crack and broke his leg. and they had to start the video right after they finished hauling a kid out from the safety netting. But that's just speculation.

Now on to Part 2. My play.

I wrote a play called "The Lexington Street Post Office". It is an expansion of a ten minute play I wrote simply titled "The Post Office" I decided to rename it when i expanded it from ten to forty minutes because, for one, I had the ten-minute play published under the title "The Post Office" and so since that existed now as a separate entity, I needed to distinguish the short from the long. Also it was a new experience. I took the idea from Edward Albee Who wrote the one act "The Zoo Story" his first play. And then decades later went back and wrote a first act to it. and while the second act, the original script for "The Zoo Story" hadn't changed, it was now part of something bigger. Part of a different experience, so he titled the new piece "Peter and Jerry".
Anyhow. this was for a New Script Workshop class. ten kids wrote short parts of plays and then pitched the idea for a forty minute show to the class. the class got to choose who's was performed in a full production. I actually wrote and pitched two plays. I had brought the Post Office in already written in the very beginning of the class because they needed something to read while other students were writing their plays. My original intent was to get a new piece produced. It was a more traditional piece. that's not to say completely traditional, but much more so. I pitched it and i didn't know where it could go. but i did know exactly where and how the Post Office could be expanded. It was mentioned to me that they really liked the Post Office, but no-one knew how it could be expanded, it was so non-traditional and self containing. but i did. and so i got up again and pitched that idea. Later, we all voted on three pieces we wanted to see performed fully. My play the Post Office got 9 out of the ten possible votes. the next highest was 6 out of ten. for a play called "The Tragedy of Leaonard Fisk" a brilliant piece that i think should be baught and professionally produsced. i think it's amazing. it was written by Alex Ungerman.
Anyhow, long story short, we started production and we had to re-cast our lead character with only a week left until perfomace. it was scary. but i think we got the best possible person to replace him. Curtis Cluff.
We performed in an almost unknown, school-owned art gallery off campus. We had a HUGE, overflowing crowd. and before my show went on was easily the most nervous I have ever been, in my life. I've been in lotsa plays and choir and band performances, hosted things, done male beauty pageants and nothing was nearly as nerve-wracking as this... I was terrified. But it went great and fabulously. Anyhow. mi'm just still excited about it. You should have been there.and by the way. you can read any and all the scripts by going to www.zhura.com and logging in / creating an account. it takes less than three minutes and you'll have accesss to all these wonderful, mind-boggling and sometiomes uproarious and thought-provoking scripts. Thanks!

Man V.S. Bear

2008-11-05T00:56:00.000-07:00

So I am going to address an issue that I think is long overdue, especially with the elections and all the politics in the air, our new president Barack Obama, who I did vote for, by the way, and I voted early at that, and the general atmosphere of American well being hanging heavily and unfamiliarly over our heads: Who is better, Canadian Les Stroud or Briton Bear Grylls. As I said before, it is a long overdue topic. I think there are several aspects to discuss. but first, lets introduce each of them.

Les Stroud: a Canadian filmaker and musician turned full time Survivorman. he lived for a freaking year in the wilderness of Canada with his wife. He teaches survival around Canada. He also is the host of Survivorman, a one-man t.v. show filmed, written, directed, and stared in by Les Stroud. He is dropped off in the wilderness with a few cameras and the remains of whatever crash or mishap got him stranded there and needs to survive for one week, by himself. and he needs to film it.

Bear Grylls: A former member of the British Special Forces and host of the Survial show Man v.s. Wild (or Bear Grylls: Born Survivor in the UK) He once broke his parachute in mid-air and fell to the earth, breaking three vertebrates in his spine. The doctors said he'd never walk, yadda yadda, he recovered for 18 months and then went on to be the youngest Briton to ever climb Mount Everest. He is also a very active member of several charities, consistently raising large sums of money for them via his stunts and media coverage.

There. now we know the two folks. personally and as well as anyone else on the planet, I promise. I can now go on to raise the several critical points we will be looking at in this discussion. 1: who's knife is bigger. 2: who gets messier while surviving 3: food (efficiency and disgustingness) 4: joviality. 5: climate control / survival / thrive-ival. and 6) authenticity.

1) Knife size. A)

Exhibit A: Bear Gryll's Baley s4 knife. Note that the handle is longer than the blade itself. Also note it's cute black leather carrying case. But Bear can do some serious damage with this little guy. He has chopped down small trees with it by hammering it with a big rock. He also skinned a sheep with this. He uses it for making lengths of rope longer, better and stronger, cutting wood and vines (seen here) and kidling, spearing fish and generally doing things normally done by an axe. He also loved to dramatically stab it into the sand or dirt next to him right before he begins to eat his food, or show us some important or interesting wilderness fact.

B)

Exhibit B) and Exhibit C) Les Strouds Leatherman Wave and Les Strouds Huge generic Bad A knife. Note that he takes both with him on every trip. Also not the size of the blade in relationship to the handle on Ex. C and the giant diameter of said Bad A knife handle. Les uses this multi-tool vor a myriad of differnt things from skinning rabbits, which he doesn't like to kill, to making small holes in canvas and rope to unscrewing parts of a brokendown car or hot air balloon. This is the main knife that he uses, probably because it is so all incompasing.

C)

and Exhibit. C) is his big, scary huge, Bad A. knife that he usually uses for attaching to sticks to make spears or for stabbing into the ice to fish and get water or for cutting down small trees. So very large, but not excruciatingly practical, as he even admitted here.

We have now discussed Knife potency and disaterocity. Next, we move to who gets messier while surviving. This will be referring purely to lifestyle and living conditions, not to food, because that will be discussed in point 3.

2) Messiness.
I think for this demonstration, i will simply show you a few pictures and you ca decide for yourself who is messier.

These are both common images from both shows. Les, clean and efficiently sitting next to a fire. and Bear, dramatically wandering through the woods, completely filthy. really, Bear Grylls, I think, is completely covered in anonymous mess at least three as often as a two year old. And yet Les, in the same conditions, manages to keep clean. who is the real survivor there, you tell me. mess good or bad, Discuss.

Point 3) efficiency and messiness of eating. In this category, we will discuss how often our competitors catch food, how they do it, how much they eat, and how efficiently they use their food. and yes, visual aids will be used. we begin with Les Stroud:

In this episode, he was stuck in the Alaskan wilderness in the middle of winter. one night, he set four snowshoe hare traps, and in the morning, found one of them full, the next morning, all were full, but not of hares. He is seen here, after just killing the rabbit, which he doesn't like doing, and is telling the camera how to prepare it. He cought this rabbit efficiently and easily and ate it cleanly, then used the skin to keep parts of his body warm.

Les is seen here cooking a fish he found already dead, on skewer over a fire. he is using tools to cook and eat his catch and does not waste any.
He is glad for what he can find and eats all of it.

He also collects berries and eats as many of them as he can find, leaving none forgotten or spared. he values his food and it shows. he appreciates it and doesn;t take it for granted or leave it just laying around.

Bear Grylls is know for eating some very disgusting things. (see here) and ever better know for what he says about them afterward. it is usually precluded by him saying "...and you can actually eat these." Then things like "bah...*spits* that was, by far, the worst tasting thing I have ever, ever eaten" or "this tastes so horrible, it's like piss and bogeys and... crunchy, bleuch" and yet he still eat them all. Things like raw ... well, everything. raw snake, raw turtle (see left) raw fish (see below) raw fish again (see below) raw zebra (see below... and pronounce Zeh-Bruh) live raw frog (see here) and raw camel crap, which he squeezed the juices from into his mouth. Maybe if he cooked things once in a while, they might taste better, and maybe he could actually finish something he eats.

As i was saying, he never finishes anything he eats, or what he does finish is, only three berries where there are hundreds of them to be had. He fins something, like in the African Desert, one of them he's been to, he finds a huge snake. so he kills it. he then sling sit around his neck and carries it till he can make a fire. he tells us how to cook it: "you just push these coals out of the way here, and dig a little... like...pit, for it to sit it. then you put the snake meat on top of these greens i found and wrap them up, put them in the hole you've made, re-cover them and let them justbake there for about fifteen to twenty minutes" he talks like a cookbook. but then, once he's got his food, he takes two bites and throws it away. brilliant.

Bear also, as i said, eats everything raw. A: that is diseasey, B: things don't taste good raw, so you might as well just cook them, i mean, you're going to make a fire anyway. But he does always talk about the vitamins (Viht-ah-mihns) in the grubs and slugs and awfull berries that he eats. "pound for pound this grub contains more protien then chicken or beef, so it's the perfect survival food" or "this rotting sheep carcass is an excellent source of vitamin c and much necessary charbohydrates" Yes, but you see, pound for pound, a humburger is a lot bigger than that

crapping grub you have. is it manlier to eat things raw?

Lastly, when he drinks, anyhting, he wastes over 3/4 of it. he usually grabs some sort of naturally ocurring object and then squeezes it and funnels it into him mouth via his thumbs. or just hopes it makes it into his mouth. (see turtle, above, and video link, above) but it rarely does. He takes it so much for granted, just wastes it. I mean, if he's going to waste that much water anyway, he might as well wash himself.

Moving on: 4) Joviality. and in a smaller sense, self-respect.

Bear Grylls is young, jovial and energetic. and happens to spend much of his time either shirtless or naked. So younger and more likely to survive, but also naked -er

Les Stroud is a little older, more serious and is almost always fully clothed. Plus he has to haul all his camera equiptment around. So, slightly older, but very has high endurance and wears more clothes.
5) Climate control / survival / Thrive-ival. This will discuss where each person thrives. and i will take it from a better source than myself: another blog

Les Stroud:

Survival strengths: Can make a fire from just about anything; Efficient hunter and trapper; has been in many survival situations where he is truly alone; takes a more realistic approach to survival, an example more worth following; the knowledge that, no matter how much you have in terms of tools and knowledge at your disposal, the most important survival tool is to keep a cool head and not panic; he lives in Canada, for crying out loud.
Survival Weaknesses: While Stroud is fit, his age (45) might give a physical disadvantage against Grylls; lives in Canada, and when in very warm environments (e.g. Costa Rica rainforest), he can be very much out of his element; struggles a lot more when climbing, but not having to haul camera gear might him more evenly matched; let’s face it, his show isn’t as exciting.

Bear Grylls:

Survival Strengths: Can climb just about anything; has a million ways to make a compass; very fit; willing to take a risk to survive; purposefully puts himself in worst possible scenarios in order to show his TV audience how to deal with them; unmatched intestinal fortitude; knows all of the survival techniques from the British Special Forces and the French Foreign Legion.
Survival Weaknesses: Mother Nature will make him pay for that bravado of his; has never been truly alone in a survival situation, and thus is less cautious; somewhat of a carnivore, taking less opportunities from the plants around him; take away his flint and he might never see fire again; that barge on the river Thames isn’t exactly the best place for him to practice his skills.

And Finally, 6) authenticity.

as many of you know already, Bear Grylls has gotten into trouble from Channel Four in the UK for presenting his show as factual when in fact it was only meant to be a survival how-to guide, with 'situations being presented to Bear so he can demonstrate a way out' there is an article about it here. And there is a site here dedicated to debunking Bear Grylls, saying when he has slept in hotels, when he hasn't actually caught what he was supposed to have, when he dind't free climb, when the crew did something for him, etc. all of them aqre confirmed by members of the production team. So basically, Bear is an excellent performer with an iron stomach and soem handy survival knowledge. ht ebiggest ptoblem i thin was the origanal intent of th eshow to make it seem as if he were really lost, when in fact, in many cases, he is right next to a busy highwway (see video) or his crew is filming him from a service road, or he has to walk past lodges to get to shots. Etc. at one point, his desert island shoot, they actually had to rope off past of the isalnd and tell tourists and locals they could come near because they were shooting. Bear is a great outdoorsman and performer, but needs to be more forthwright.

Les Stroud, on the other hand, IS completely alone, and does all the filming himself, as you can see in the picture. He is left completely alone in survival situations. now there is usually a safety crew a few (25-50) miles away, and he does have an emerceny sattelite radio, should the need arise. but in thick forest canopy, the radio has no transmission, and sometimes, there is no safety crew, just a base-camp crew, waiting for him. So he really is in the scenario that Bear presents himself as being in, and he just needs to survive. While Bear presents a way to find a way out of the situation, Les merely shows how to survive for seven days until you are found, with him knowing where his rescuers are. And in that respect, i think Bear's show is more helpful to the common man, but a mere survival, as Les shows can also be very helpful while waiting to be rescued, etc. So all in all, bit shows have their good an bad, and hopefully, I'll never get stuck in the middle of a wilderness because if I do, I won't know whether to take off my shirt, roll around in quicksand, follow the river downstream to civilization and eat raw grubs, or sit quietly, preserve my energy, use bits and pieces of my brokendown camera to start a fire and wait for soemone to find me. Thanks alot Discovery Channel, now i'm really in trouble.

Remember, Remember the Fifth of November
Remember, remember, the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot,
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot

Guy Fawkes, twas his intent
To blow up the king and parliament.
Three schore barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.

By God's mercy he was catched
With a dark latern and a lighted match.
Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring,
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the King.

A penny loaf to feed the Pope.
A farthing o' cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down.
A faggot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar.
Burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head.
Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.
Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah!

Thanks for reading. please comment